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Howdy all. My name is Charles. I first experienced DDD 42 years ago when I was 17. I had what at that time was simply called a nervous break down. I had left home the year before and was living with my girlfriend and her family in a city far from home. My girlfriend and I smoked a lot of hash at the time. My first symptoms were similar to being high on hash. Everything looked weird and distorted and I felt numb, physically and emotionally. I felt anxious all the time. I began having panic attacks on the subway, especially in rush hour when it stopped underground. For the next 6 or 7 years the dissociation came and went. Sometimes I was afraid to go out. Doctors called it Agoraphobia. Eventually I stopped having bouts of dissociation. Life got more and more settled and grounded. I eventually found a job I was good at (social services) where I stayed for 24 years. I got married (lasted 22 years), I lived in the same house for 18 years. I still live in the same community. 7 years ago as my marriage was falling apart the dissociation came back. I was able to note 4 or 5 different states from mild spaciness to what I call baby brain (the world appeared in choppy glitchy scenes. like a video that freezes up. The most extreme situation occurred when I went to a healer to address my dissociation. It made me even more dissociated. I felt like I was in a dream. I had amnesia for about 2 hours. I had left my bike parked near the office and don't know how I got home. I kept asking my 12 year old son "Where was I?" "What was I doing?". At that time I was also doing training at a hospice to be a volunteer and kundalini yoga, so the combination of things triggered its return. that last a few months then went away.

It is back now. My marriage ended 6 years ago. I met another woman 6 months later. After 2 years we moved in together. Over the past year, during the pandemic, we broke up. We still live in the same house but don't spend much time together (it's a long story). I have suddenly been triggered back into dissociation. I am trained as a somatic psychotherapist so I have a lot of tools to work with, but when the dissociation takes over, I feel anxious and desperate.

Despite these things my life is good. I am an artist with 6 or 7 projects on the go. I have more friends than I ever did before in my life. My son who is 19 and I have a great relationship. I have a great supportive relationship with my ex-wife.
 

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What an interesting story Charles! Im 21 and have had spouts of DPD for about 3 years now but it was really amazing to hear how it went away for a long period especially when your life was most settled. I am rubbish at it but I find painting really helps, super cool to hear you are an artist. Thanks for posting your story it is very inspiring to hear :)
 
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