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March 21 2010.

Hell began. I woke up. Not sober. It took two days to get over a weed hangover so logicly I figured that this would be gone in two days also. Two days later it was still there. I told my mom that my head was in a weird place and that I needed to see a doctor. She said it was just a flu I had never gotten before. She was wrong. It was Depersonalization.

I sat on the floor with my head on my bed. I felt so bad. So trapped, so confused, so anxious. Days passed by, then weeks. After two weeks it had gotten a little better and plataued. I stopped getting better and got stuck. I wasnt sure what was going on. I tried to search up online what was wrong with me but I couldn't find the right words to do it.

I went to see the doctor. I told him what was going on. He didn't tell me what was wrong with me. He just said that were going to do some tests. We did, Two weeks later. But before that we went to the ER to find out what was going on. They told me it was anxiety. "Anxiety? Can anxiety do this?"

So the doctor put me on cipralex. One month later it started to kick in. I wasn't so depressed, I was going to school. And then I experienced my first panic attack. I think it came on by drinking too much coke-a-cola and having an empty stomache. I was hyperventalating, freaking out, thinking I was about to hallucinate. From then on I had about one panic attack a day to a point where they eventually dissolved into very rare occasions.

I didnt already mention im in a band, we used to practice regularly. It was the day of a show. I decided I was ready but before it was our turn to go on I had a huge panic attack.

Then it happend, I was over at a friends place. We were just chilling, he said he would give me $20 to write his film and video project. It got dark, it was about 9pm. I was just walking down some stairs and BOOM. HUGE PANIC ATTACK, I thought I was high. It MAY have been caused by fish oil I was taking since a week ago. I went to bed as soon as I could and slept. By the next morning it went away.

The next night things got bad. It was about 8:45 and suddenly I stated to feel sick. "Dad, can you turn the TV off for a sec?". I threw up and there was a half a cup of blood in it. We went to the ER. I asked if I could eat, they said no. It was now 4am (thats right) and we get called in to get checked out. I got a bunch of tests done, an xray, and they said everything was alright. The blood was probably just the vomit scraping my insides. So a MD at the ER put me on some risperidone to calm me down. And thankfully it did. My family doctor also switched me from cipralex to prozac.

I tried going to school but I couldn't handle it. Eventually Summer came along which was HELL because I had nothing to do for 2 months. Seriously I just gonna write more right here becuase I need to make it seem like more of a big deal that summer was abosolute hell.

So that brings us to the present. Where I am going to school everyday and patiently waiting for the day of recovery.

October 26 2010, Brando2600
 
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