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*I always felt this life is stressful, especially when my father was acting rude with me but that felt a bit off.

*First i had a severe emotional trauma: felt alone and confused about this world.

*Got bad classmates at high school that didnt help me recover at all: i was afraid and very shy to talk to them. I looked like an idiot and dressed like one. At this point in time i didnt take care of myself. Sometimes they would laugh and make it worse.(Always been shy of people, especially women)

*At a point i felt very stressed by exams and learning, i had a feeling that

*Somewhere at the end of high school i got very terrified of a thought that came and felt my face paralyzing for few seconds in shock, felt the top of my head so much, i thought i was gonna die. Suddenly i felt even more confused, couldnt recognize places, i was totally insecure where i was. I couldnt walk properly, space looked so wierd to me. I couldnt focus on anything and all letters/small symbols would look doubled for me. From this point on shyness and panic attacks felt far worse.

*Because i became a loner in highschool and forward on, i started spending whole day on computer. I felt massive exhaustion cause of lack of sleep. All the symptoms mentioned already gradually increased from then.

*I stopped caring about diseases(i went to doctors and they found perfect physical health).

*I started obsessing with existence and read all types of things. These made it much worse for me.

Right now i dont feel present or even feeling like it was me who wrote this wall-text. I feel very anxious, im easily triggered and feel very uncomfortable among people, especially strangers i never met. I feel pressured everytime i walk on the street and someone is behind me. I always feel like they are going to attack me. I have disconnected behaviour to the environment. If a group of people change the way they act i dont even give a shit about it.
 
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