[kchendrix]

Everything changes, when I think I am on the road to recovery, something changes,... Things look different, OCD gets worse, It is an ever changing landscape of symptoms. Once I get to understand one set and believe and accept them, think I have them beat a new set comes on. It is no wonder we are fooled into thinking we are loosing our minds or are unreal..

THere can't possilby be that much crap "BEHIND GRANDMOTHER'S Cabinet"

I mean I believe everything Janine has written about focus away from the symptoms, focus on something else. But evey morning when you wake up and you have your own DJ playing songs in your head, or the world looks strange and disoriented , it is hard to look past those things and not obsess. Or when your OCD , gets going inside your head,, it is like no wonder we don't feel real, or feel we are going crazy, no wonder we obsess. We see our families, our friends carrying on fairly normal.. of course they think we are too.

Changes, constant, beat one here comes another one... how much crap can I possibly have to deal with, I don't remember my life being that complicated that I might have so many underlying issues to deal with. I remember the fun , care free guy I was..... I remember how I was happy, So what changed all that? What lurkes within me that I am so afraid to face that I would choose to live like this? I can't think of anything that I am running from or don't want to face. I want to face it all, I want to know what it is that keeps me locked inside my head self monitoring, not looking out , constantly thinking.

But be assured you're not Crazy, Pyschotic,Schitz , nope your not, you are just having issues that you need to discover and face. Deep in the corners of your mind , why do the symptoms constantly change, ever moving, like chasing your tail. Like a recording repeating the same crap in your head. Do I choose to wake up with a song in my head everyday, or some other OCD like symptom? I have choosen to find the answers, but the questions keep changing..... David Bowie had the song right........

 

[Guest]

If you were a fun-loving ghost, and you were trying to scare the family who had moved into your castle, would you keep doing exactly the same old scary things every night? Or if the humans started to feel a little comfortable with your repertoire, maybe you would conjure up a NEW way to rattle a chain and knock a picture off the wall.

You might play the piano one night, at midnight...or make the lights go off and on. If EVERy night you made the lights go off and on, the family might say "well, I guess there is just an electical problem in our new house..nothing to fear." Well, you the big scary ghost, cannot be dismissed so easily! So you'd stop playing with the ligths and start pulling chairs across the hallway floor in the mornings. The family would wake up and notice a chair flying past their bedroom - "NOW what!?!?!?" they would scream. It's not a "now what?" - it's the same old what - it's the ghost trying to keep the family fascinated and busy with his antics.

Your mind, stuck in the primary process form of spooky/dreamlike state, is conjuring up every day some new little variation on the same old theme. The Theme is: you are not in control of your own mind.

You know what? You never WERE. None of us are. The illusion is that you EVER knew why you thought everythign you thought - but once you have a breakdown and you start freaking out over fears of madness, you watch yourself TOO closely and you feel obsessed with needing to reassure yourself that EVERYsingle thought and song lyric and idea and image inside your mind at any given moment MAKES SENSE. Know what? It doesn't and it never did. You just didn't realize it didn't till you started watching yourself so closely.

It's not that there are things you WON'T FACE that are driving all this, but the fear of facing ANYthing unknown is the culprit. You are trying to think one step ahead of yourself every second, to see every unknown idea before it rounds the corner of your brain, to predict every feeling before it grabs you.

We keep ourselves stuck because we are PETRIFIED and I do mean PETRIFIED of the Unknown. We, in the process, create a delusion that ANYONE can know what they're thinking before they think it, or know why they think everything that runs through their mind.

When you can distract yourself long enough and often enough that your poor brain can RE-SET itself and get yOU off its back, lol...you will begin to feel more normal again. And THAT is the time to do the therapy work, to explore your motives/thoughts, desires, etc...but not now. Not while you're in the middle of being "haunted" by the not-so-friendly ghost of symptoms trying to scare you into staying frozen.

All the best,
Janine

 

[Kelson12]

Great two posts. I can relate to everything that was said. The one thing that stood out in the end of Janine's post was this:

"...you will begin to feel more normal again. And THAT is the time to do the therapy work, to explore your motives/thoughts, desires, etc...but not now. Not while you're in the middle of being "haunted" by the not-so-friendly ghost of symptoms trying to scare you into staying frozen."

It's funny that you say this Janine, because my Psychiatrist said this to me a few weeks back. I told him how when I am feeling better and normal, I don't feel like coming into see him. I'm almost like, "Heck, I'm feeling great...no need to see him". But he told me that coming in when I am feeling good is almost more important than coming in when I am feeling down. The last couple weeks I have been feeling good and I've not gone to see him, because I cancelled cause I didn't feel like going in cause I felt fine. But now that I feel shitty again, I can't wait to go in and complain. But now I understand that I need to go EVERY WEEK, because talking when things are good AND bad are both extremely important!

 

[mcsiegs]

Kelson - I am glad to hear that you have been feeling good enough to consider not going to your appointments. I get the same way as you. I think "Sh*t, I feel fine...I will blow it off"...But, I'll tell ya, it is during those times when I do go that I start to know myself even better. I love talk therapy.

Kelson - your latest posts seem like you are doing somewhat better. Good for you!

 

[kchendrix]

Hey Janine... why is it you can make so much sense?

If only there was a therapist named Janine near by ! Thanks for the post!

 

[Kelson12]

Hey Janine... why is it you can make so much sense?

If only there was a therapist named Janine near by ! Thanks for the post!

Yup, I second that notion!

And siegs, over the last two weeks I had been feeling better, but it hit again pretty bad this week. But, what can I do? I'll just have to get through it!