[person3]

For the last 4 years I have been dead convinced that the reason why I would lose feelings for a person or event was because I thought the wrong thing.

I would swear up and down that the thought I had BEFORE becoming numb to the object was the cause of it...such as when I lost feelings for a guy I thought it was because I wouldn't allow myself to fantasize about him.

I just realized something when Janine posted that DPers believe they are WILLING themselves sane.

I have been convinced that the way I feel is something I will into power.

Whoa. Wait.

Maybe I became "numb" because I was pushing to feel something that didn't exist.

Maybe I became "numb" because i wouldn't admit the things I DIDNT like about said person or thing but I felt COMPELLED to love them because I felt like that was all I had left to show the world...otherwise I would just be a failure.

Maybe four years ago I didn't want to move to NYC at ALL, and I failed to acknowledge my hate of the big cities; I only would think of how I loved them in my mind.

My life seems to cycle in patterns of four years. It seems like this four years is almost up. It makes perfect sense why it was four years now, why it took four years.

And it wasn't even that long at all.

 

[person3]

God damnit this narcissist wants attention!

JANINE!

 

[Guest]

I don't understand why you make these posts????

 

[enigma]

I don't understand why you make these posts????

'Cuz she's a narcissist who wants attention?

e

 

[person3]

I'm talking about the REAL cause behind my emotional numbness. I thought it might help people realize some things. Maybe I will clarify later.

 

[JasonFar]

'Cause she wants my ass.

 

[enigma]

I'm talking about the REAL cause behind my emotional numbness. I thought it might help people realize some things. Maybe I will clarify later.

It made me think back to my adolescence, when this came on.

When I was just my natural self and said what I really thought, people would go ballistic.

So I learned to shut my mouth, and when I did speak, I would only say what I believed others wanted to hear. Until I actually really began thinking this sh*t.

So I established an uneasy truce with "humanity". But sometimes I wonder: At what cost?

e

 

[person3]

You've hit it on the spot, enigma. I do that too...I was WAY too obnoxious back then and now I overcompensate.

JasonFar-

Watch your mouth young man, I'm old enough to be your...uh...mom...if your mom was 2 when she had you..yeah

 

[Guest]

'Cause she wants my ass.

Been there done that. It's not all that it's made out to be.

 

[Guest]

'Cause she wants my ass.

Been there done that. It's not all that it's made out to be.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

 

[Martinelv]

Defeating DR/DP IS a matter of sheer will, using whatever tactics work for you. You have a choice, fight, wallow in misery, or 'live with it'. Simple. There is no other alternatives.

 

[person3]

That is not what I'm saying.
Yes you have a CHOICE and a WILL to take the right steps.

However, if you are happy about something, you are happy.

If you are sad about something, you are sad.

If you are numb about something, you are numb.

You can change your perspective on things and then your feelings will change, but as each feeling comes along, that is something you cant control. You can't make yourself be in love when you're not, etc.

Now if you are sad you can of course do things to make yourself happy, and you can change your perspective. but the fact of the matter is, you have to move on and do things regardless. You can't let the world end just because you feel nothing from someone's kiss when you had imagined it would be fabulous.

That is what i'm talking about.

You can make yourself DO something, but you can't always make yourself FEEL something. And that is okay.

 

[person3]

that's it pure narcotic the marraige is totally off

unless you send me like a crapload of flowers ASAP

pink ones

thx

 

[JAG]

It all makes perfect sense to me, person3

 

[Guest]

I have been convinced that the way I feel is something I will into power.

I completely agree, person3. We often invoke dp when we're trying too hard to screw around with reality - most of us would PREFER to think we "will" ourselves into feeling something, because that keeps all the power or failure within US. To admit the truth, which is that we feel what we feel (or don't feel) for SUCH a complex set of reasons, most of which are unconscious anyway....that is too scary for us to face.

We'd rather blame ourselves, call ourselves defective for not being able to will WELL enough - and at least keep the fantasy alive that it's POSSIBLE to will our feelings, our selves, etc....the truth is that we fall in love BECAUSE WE DO, lol....not because we choose.

We dont' fall in love despite our best efforts to make ourselves choose a certain person. We feel attraction against our own better judgment sometimes. We hate and don't even know why. We hunger and can't pinpoint where the lure is coming from.

We are at the mercy of our own feelings, most humans, most of the time. We can CHOOSE how to ACT, but not how to feel.

Trying to believe otherwise is a recipe for dp.

Keep screwing with reality and it will screw with you right back.

Love ya,
J

 

[person3]

jeez

you said "screw you"

ok i'm jsut being random and giddy

 

[Guest]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm