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was able to actually go out and force myself to do something with friends last night. i was anxious and derealized pretty much the whole time and today it feels like it never even happened. feels like i dreamed the whole thing. this illness seriously takes everything from you, you can't even make memories with your friends because your memories don't feel real lmao. ugh
 

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Yeah, not sure I understand the people that say getting back to normality (whatever that is) will solve this problem. It only seems to exacerbate it for me, and creates a new set of problems that just keeps increasing anxiety and depression and just leads to a downward spiral.
 

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Tomorrow is my graduation from school so during it im gonna be extremly anxious and depersonalized. When I hit my bed its gonna be like it never happend or I just never existed to create the memory. Life must go on.
 
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