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Can't accept this is anxiety

1403 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  manarasmith
I'm really struggling to accept what is happening to me, I think the biggest part is that it doesn't make sense. I know the forum is very quite these days but just reaching out to say if anyone can find something I have missed.

I will try to make this as brief as possible;

- childhood didn't feel safe a home due to my step father ( low level emotional abuse ) but no massive trauma

- early teens first experience with weed I instantly felt as if I was falling in and out on consciousness, like my brain was resetting every few seconds. Slept it of, didn't think about it again

- mid teens kept having small experiences of this strange feeling, like daja vu but I felt out of it, it would cause me intense fear but would pass. The feelings seems to happen if I stared at a small electronic device for long periods.

Late teens / early 20s the feelings happened more and more, found out about DP and this forum, seemed that the feelings for closer and closer until they where there all the time. Tried to get medical advice, took some SSRIs and realised I would have to accept this is my life now.

Late 20s to 30s I lived my life, kids, marriage, jobs, holidays I would still get then 'feeling' mostly of I woke up from a nap or again staring at screens for too long.

Now - 8 weeks ago I caught COVID and the feelings again became closer and closer, each time casting me sheer panic and terror, having no control over what was happening. Untill 3 weeks ago it was permanent. I don't even know what existence is right now, I just seem to exist moment to moment.

8 weeks ago I was living a life, and now I'm basically house bound.

How can this just be anxiety, why would I have so many years with nothing then it soo intense now, in those years I had lots of stress but no Dr.

Nothing makes sense. I have scoured the forums and can't find anyone with a story that matches.

Any links or glimmers of hope would be really helpful right now

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I personally am very convinced that dpdr generally speaking stems from trauma and/or anxiety. I have also experienced a few recoveries and relapses and after my recovery i could feel normal anxiety and panic just like before dp and dr. It was only after prolonged anxiety and stress i ended up retriggering it again, but i recovered a lot faster the second time. I recently started trauma therapy and my therapist have identified several factors from my youth that might have made me more predisposed towards dpdr. I guess i am trying to say that the trigger does not really matter but it is absolutely a stress/trauma related issue in the vast majority of cases.
I am under the impression that for a lot of people who have it for a short time they have very strong anxiety or panic attacks that trigger it. There are several stories of people who get rid of their DPDR by getting fed up with their anxiety and trying to live again despite it. A lot of people can't get out of their houses any more because of anxiety, and daring to go out again helps them to slowly get rid of it. But I have the impression that people who have DPDR on the long term have milder anxiety than that. I have never been afraid of getting out of my house, ever, I have never been afraid of fainting in public or this kind of thing. I have much milder anxiety than that and my DPDR doesn't even vary with my anxiety episodes. It seems that every people who have DPDR have some level of anxiety but we are not equal.
A colleague of mine has episodes with a lot of anxiety, but he only has DPDR when he is absolutely paralysed by fear and can't leave his home, which is not the case for many of us. I feel like for the people who have it for many years there is something more that perpetuates it and that is not simply related to anxiety. So even if it plays a role in this I don't think it is the only ingredient or even the main ingredient in some cases.
Yes it is different for different people i was not trying to sell some one size fits all cure, just trying to share my experience even though i somewhat disagree with some of your points. My first episode of dpdr lasted over 5 years and it was anxiety induced, i was not anxious the whole five years and i still experienced symptoms but i was still monitoring them and a lot of people i spoke with and know had similar experiences, when i stopped caring about the symptoms they slowly started to lessen and eventually disappeared. But with that said, there are many things that can cause these symptoms and its not the same for everyone but i still think anxiety/stress/trauma are the most common causes and are the first approaches one should try to explore as a contributor to ones condition. Just my two cents.
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