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Can't accept this is anxiety

1406 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  manarasmith
I'm really struggling to accept what is happening to me, I think the biggest part is that it doesn't make sense. I know the forum is very quite these days but just reaching out to say if anyone can find something I have missed.

I will try to make this as brief as possible;

- childhood didn't feel safe a home due to my step father ( low level emotional abuse ) but no massive trauma

- early teens first experience with weed I instantly felt as if I was falling in and out on consciousness, like my brain was resetting every few seconds. Slept it of, didn't think about it again

- mid teens kept having small experiences of this strange feeling, like daja vu but I felt out of it, it would cause me intense fear but would pass. The feelings seems to happen if I stared at a small electronic device for long periods.

Late teens / early 20s the feelings happened more and more, found out about DP and this forum, seemed that the feelings for closer and closer until they where there all the time. Tried to get medical advice, took some SSRIs and realised I would have to accept this is my life now.

Late 20s to 30s I lived my life, kids, marriage, jobs, holidays I would still get then 'feeling' mostly of I woke up from a nap or again staring at screens for too long.

Now - 8 weeks ago I caught COVID and the feelings again became closer and closer, each time casting me sheer panic and terror, having no control over what was happening. Untill 3 weeks ago it was permanent. I don't even know what existence is right now, I just seem to exist moment to moment.

8 weeks ago I was living a life, and now I'm basically house bound.

How can this just be anxiety, why would I have so many years with nothing then it soo intense now, in those years I had lots of stress but no Dr.

Nothing makes sense. I have scoured the forums and can't find anyone with a story that matches.

Any links or glimmers of hope would be really helpful right now

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