ShyTiger, thank you for your kind words. My friends and family have all said the same, but it doesn't seem to help. I paid a callout charge for the vet to come to my home and put her to sleep, because she was always nervous in vets waiting rooms. I also gave her sedation (prescribed by the vet) before the vet came, but it clearly didn't work. Freedom knew what was happening and struggled with all her might to escape. My friend was with me and two vets. It was a split second decision I had to make, when my friend pinned her down on my bed. I just kept thinking that it'd be over in a matter of seconds, so I held her still too. The vet stuck a needle in her paw, fiddled about with it for about two minutes, then withdrew it. Then the vet stuck the needle in higher up her leg. It was a nightmare! I was non-stop kissing Freedom's cheek, loudly (as she was quite deaf) telling her, "Bye bye, sweetheart, there's a good girl..." and then she finally went limp.
I'm bawling my eyes out as I write this!!!
My biggest regret is that my friend dug a huge, five-foot-deep hole in my back garden, three days before she was put down. Also, two days before, my father brought down a coffin he'd made for her. Freedom didn't go anywhere near the coffin. Also, when she happily trotted up and looked nosily down the hole, she suddenly put her ears back, her tail between her legs and ran inside. I believe she knew what was going to happen. Even though she had cancer and was having mini strokes, she didn't want to die. She fought us with all her might, yet I betrayed her, by pinning her down, too. Perhaps if the sedative had worked, and Freedom had been put to sleep peacefully, then I wouldn't be feeling like this?
I know she had a great life and that I made my decision from my heart, but I can't understand why I have never sensed her since she died. In the past three years, my brother-in-law was murdered, my best school friend died in a head-on car collision, and two of my friends commited suicide. I suffered terrible grief, yes, but I don't feel guilty, as I know none of their deaths were my fault. Also, shortly after my brother-in-law and best friend died, I strongly sensed them and saw/smelt things. I believe animals exist beyond this life, so I can only assume that Freedom hates me for killing her, which is why I've never sensed her. More than anything, I'd so much love to see her, like many other pet owners have been fortunate enough to experience.
I hope I haven't depressed any of you...
The way I've been dealing with it, is by letting myself think about Freedom for a while - approximately once a month. The wonderfully happy, loving, funny, memories soon turn into the horrible 'end of life' ones. I'll allow myself to bawl my eyes out for half an hour and then make myself block it out of my mind again. It helps that I've got a memorial in my garden, exactly where she used to love to lay in the sun. Also, I'm going to make a huge rose garden where she's buried. There are already five rose bushes on her grave. Every year, I get at least sixty roses on each bush. The smell is absolutely beautiful.
Anyway, getting back to this thread... sorry, everyone!... ShyTiger, I'm glad you mentioned about the sticks. You're so right! Pdr and anyone else who has a dog - don't ever use sticks to play with.
Two years ago, my father was over the fields and threw a stick for his dog, Rosie. As she pounced on it, it went up through her mouth and punctured the back of her throat. My dad said it was awful and he wanted to cry as Rosie whimpered in pain. It was still stuck in her throat, protruding from her mouth by a foot, so he had to pull it out. He took her straight to the vets, where she had an injection and stitches. She stayed in overnight, and it was a few days before she could eat anything. Thankfully, she's fine now. The vet told my dad that accidents with sticks happens a lot. Freedom used to love chasing sticks. I used them for more than fifteen years. Now I realise how lucky we were not to have had an accident with them.
Desenzitisation sound slike a brilliant way to help animals who are afraid of thunderstorms. I suppose it could work with fireworks too? My heart always goes out to pets and all wild animals on Guy Falkes night. Poor little darlings.
g-funk, that must have been hell for you to have to go through. I'm so glad he's okay now. What's his name? By the way, that sounds like a typical vets' bill! :wink: It's amazing that when it comes to our beloved pets, money is no object, isn't it? Well... it doesn't seem to matter at the time when they're in pain, anyway... you just swoon afterwards!