Can you tell..

What was life before all of this? Was it different much? I cannot remember. These empty hours goes so fast.
Everyday is same.
When i go to sleep it feels the same when i wake up. Its one big bubble. I see. I can eat. I can talk. I can do everything. Except feel. Or feel like a human. Like myself. What it even was? I feel my brain all full of dirt. Maybe i dont even wanna this life anymore. Maybe im waitin when i get out of here.
I have suffered many years. Painful feelings. I have felt what it is to completely die inside. Just every moment more. And now heres nothing left. Its easy to write and say. But when it comes actual experience you cannot even descripe it.
I feel like im forcing my feelings and thoughts now. Because i need to get some sense of this. I feel nothing is true anymore and i cannot trust anything. I feel someone is inside of me. Not me. But some dirty ugly person. I cannot do more than accept all of this. I hate this state when heres only this sense that something is happening. Something i dont want to. Someone is sabotaging me.