[Johqnnq]

What was to feel normal? I actually can if i think. It feels like someone is killing my heart. This is total absense of life. It feels like this cant be even real. But somehow this is.

 

[ReiTheySay]

you said it..

I don't remember.

times where my DPDR is much, much better, I can feel like what I live is different than what everyone else lives, can grasp the difference. right now I can't even imagine, grasp, that life is different for other people.

but no I don't think I really remember..

 

[solus]

I can't remember what DPDR feels like, except fleetingly with a lot of effort and focus.

Whenever I was derealized, I couldn't remember what it was like to feel normal. It seems that experiencing it in your memory is just as hard as experiencing it immediately. I guess that's understandable, since experiencing a memory is essentially the same as experiencing something immediately.

You can't forget your natural state. DPDR is a fairly high energy state that consumes most of your life energy and locks up your attention, whereas the brain tends to prefer the lowest energy states. You will fall back into normality if some conscious or unconscious activity of your mind isn't keeping you dissociated.

The obsessive thinking aspect of DPDR reminds me of when a computer freezes up: some errant system process is deadlocked or caught in an infinite loop consuming 100% CPU. The machine slows to a crawl and becomes unresponsive to external input.

If only we had a simple reboot button!

What was to feel normal? I actually can if i think. It feels like someone is killing my heart. This is total absense of life. It feels like this cant be even real. But somehow this is.