(I don't think my last post was submitted, so I'm gonna rewrite it again, but if I see that it has been posted I'll delete either one of these posts)
So for the past few days I've been reflecting a lot on the fact that life has no meaning, nothing mattered, anything you do is futile in the grand scheme of things, the inevitability of death and how once you die you'll literally be an unconscious dead being ya know all that existential crap.
Anyway, before DP I actually thought about these things every now and then but I didn't really give a rat's ass about these issues. If anything I was HAPPY that life had no inherent meaning because that just means we can all create our own meaning. I had my own philosophy that if nothing mattered, then I am free to do whatever I want, whatever makes me happy. I was okay with all these issues and quite honestly they didn't mean shit to me. I still was driven to be a rockstar (one of my many dreams) and to travel and do all this cool shit.
But now that I have DP I've reflected on those same existential issues and they've made me sad, anxious, scared. My perspective of them has done a total 180 degree flip. Now I feel hopeless and scared. Will I stop feeling this way once I'm out of DP? Has anyone felt this way?
I think the main reason I feel this way is because I'm just emotionally numb. Nothing makes me genuinely happy (everything I do like play guitar feels fake and I don't feel like I'm there whilst I do them) so I guess my philosophy of "just do what makes you happy and who cares if nothing matters" is kind of out the door at the moment. I'm just scared these negative thoughts won't go away and I would like to know if they will?
I mean I know they're MY thoughts, but I'm asking from a DP sufferer's point of view, like is this just part of DP? Once I'm out of it will I gain my old attitude on life back? And how can I just get over these thoughts NOW? How can I retrain my brain to go back to my old mindset and think positive towards life?
So for the past few days I've been reflecting a lot on the fact that life has no meaning, nothing mattered, anything you do is futile in the grand scheme of things, the inevitability of death and how once you die you'll literally be an unconscious dead being ya know all that existential crap.
Anyway, before DP I actually thought about these things every now and then but I didn't really give a rat's ass about these issues. If anything I was HAPPY that life had no inherent meaning because that just means we can all create our own meaning. I had my own philosophy that if nothing mattered, then I am free to do whatever I want, whatever makes me happy. I was okay with all these issues and quite honestly they didn't mean shit to me. I still was driven to be a rockstar (one of my many dreams) and to travel and do all this cool shit.
But now that I have DP I've reflected on those same existential issues and they've made me sad, anxious, scared. My perspective of them has done a total 180 degree flip. Now I feel hopeless and scared. Will I stop feeling this way once I'm out of DP? Has anyone felt this way?
I think the main reason I feel this way is because I'm just emotionally numb. Nothing makes me genuinely happy (everything I do like play guitar feels fake and I don't feel like I'm there whilst I do them) so I guess my philosophy of "just do what makes you happy and who cares if nothing matters" is kind of out the door at the moment. I'm just scared these negative thoughts won't go away and I would like to know if they will?
I mean I know they're MY thoughts, but I'm asking from a DP sufferer's point of view, like is this just part of DP? Once I'm out of it will I gain my old attitude on life back? And how can I just get over these thoughts NOW? How can I retrain my brain to go back to my old mindset and think positive towards life?
