[M1k3y]

When people talk to me

I literally don't know what the fuck to say

Typing here is different

But in person

If someone talks to me and I say something

I always get no response

Like what I said meant nothing

Cus actually what I said I feel nothing to what I said

For some fucked reason

I never feel on what to say

When I do say something it's as if there's no feeling behind it and the person I'm talking to has nothing to say back

It's almost 1 in the morning and I feel like breaking shit

I am so fucking pissed man

Anyone understand what I'm sayin?

How do u guys fucking have conversations

I wanna kill myself man

Fuck this bullshit man

 

[M1k3y]

I honestly feel like taking a hand full of Xanax cus for some fucked reason that's gonna help

That thinking right there is actually the reason I'm here

I'm so pissed right now I wanna take a hand full of Xanax

I got dp cus I hated myself so much that day I smoked weed cus I hated the feeling and wanted to feel like shit

Am I happy now?

I've been fucked for over 2 years

Thanks Mikey

Great ducking idea

I'm taking Xanax and going to sleep

Great thing is ima be goofy as fuck 2marro cus of it

O ducking well?

Who gives a flying fuxj

 

[Chip1021]

I don't have conversations in real life. If I have to call someone, I pretty much have to write out a script and read it word for word, lol. But I can type rather fluently. Can't figure why that is, it's always been the case with me, even when I was more functional.

But when I do speak, which is rare, it often feels like I'm speaking a different language than others. I'll tell them I have really bad head pain and they'll respond with "I just think you don't give yourself enough credit". Huh?

 

[gmriefler]

There is no way that when you tell somebody something that nobody responds! That's impossible and your mind is making that up. Don't let ur mind lie to you. Don't believe what it is telling you.

Who says there has to be feeling behind what people say? Have you asked someone without dpdr if they have feelings behind things when they talk? Feelings are misleading anyway, as are thoughts. Don't believe ur thoughts.

 

[M1k3y]

There is no way that when you tell somebody something that nobody responds! That's impossible and your mind is making that up. Don't let ur mind lie to you. Don't believe what it is telling you.

Who says there has to be feeling behind what people say? Have you asked someone without dpdr if they have feelings behind things when they talk? Feelings are misleading anyway, as are thoughts. Don't believe ur thoughts.

i dont know, its wierd

like maybe ive always been kinda fucked up

but before this dp

i guess i kinda 'taught' myself how to speak with my emotions?

like if someone say something to me, i would always try to respond with what i was feeling, like try to speak from my heart all the time

or like i think thoughts would just pop up in my head and i would say that, like if someone asked

whats ur favorite color

something funny would pop up in my head, or id say something to like make it fun or something.. idk

like having a personality u kno lel

but now

if someone asked that, id just say 'blue'

and thats it

i only say that cus thats the answer, nothing funny behind it, no feeling about what ive said

literally its like i cant focus? kinda?

like when someone is talking to me i literally have nothing to say, nothing pops up like it use to, i dont feel anything

so i just force talk, and its like people can sense im not being genuine or whatever that word is..

and now i 'taught' myself how to talk a certain way, like its so weird..

ive truly fucked myself up more

like when i say something i like do something at the end of my talking so it feels like i felt what i was saying

i dont know, its so weird

but when i do this 'thing' some people can talk back, most dont say anything

and when i talk without doing this thing

its like i really dont know what im saying, and i get no response back

like its weird man.. trying to get myself out of it

i can kinda relate with this 1 dude i talked to

he said, and its weird

but he says he never talks, and the times he does talk, its like in a different language

he could say like, 'dude my head hurts' and the person hes talking to will respond n say like ' dont get down on urself man, it'll be okay'

like something totally different what he was saying?

like that sounds super weird

but i feel like my shit is almost like that in a way

his problem, is wow, i wudnt know what to do with that

and idk how u got a PHD, i tried going back to school, i would spaz out in class, i couldnt consentrate, idk if i just suck ass at school but i couldnt retain the stuff i was studying

like literally id be in the class from 8 am to 2pm, then i would stay 2-3 hours after class learning and studying with friends

then id go home, do the homework, study the words, study the quiz, read, do everything

come back the next day, and BARELY pass the test, u would need a 80 percent, and i would get just that

most the time id fail and have to retake and then barely pass again

while others i talk to

dont study, literally read the chapter, and get an A

u kno its just not fare

and i think it has to do with the state of my mind

cus like i said, its hard to focus, i spaz out with anxiety

so idk man

 

[Jackk11]

Bro I’m the same fucking way. I’ve just learned a way to respond that seems normal to others but I have no feelings behind the words I say or the thoughts I say. I just want be normal again bro. I lost my fucking girlfriend because of this bullshit and I’d do anything to get back. Going to psychiatrist tomorrow and looking to get some meds to help. After I’ll look to try TMS. Also the only reason life is worth living is because of feelings. So whoever says you don’t need feelings behind what you say has no clue what complete lack of good emotions feels like.

 

[ali3n]

yea dude, i know what you mean, it's like your personality is gone, and it does suck, especially when meeting people or trying to learn new stuff, but i guess i solved this by just kinda letting go... but i dont like doing that because its like its not me talking, like the conection between what i'm saying and myself doesnt exist, but i know it IS me the one thats 'creating' these things i say, and i found out that when i do try to think and to feel that connection, i'm empty, almost hollow, and my words are dry. (i dont know if that makes sense) but yup, its not a nice feeling :/

 

[forestx5]

I'm a pretty good listener. I notice that most people are not. People interrupt you when you have the floor. They talk right over you as if they have something more important to say. (usually not).

You can be in the middle of explaining something, or making a point, and their focus meanders to something else and they are obviously no longer listening.

I seriously doubt this is just happening to you. It happens to me all the time. I shut up. I smile, nod and listen attentively to the other speakers.

Then, I get up and walk off. I'd rather be alone than with a bunch of self centered assholes, who only want to hear themselves talk.