I lost all positive emotions following a sequence of powerful temporal lobe seizures, though I did not understand them at the time. I was left with extreme anxiety and a profound sense of hopelessness. I lost my libido as well. It took more than 6 months to recover about 75% of my emotional losses, but I
would never be the same. I read an analysis of a researcher who stated that once that pathway is created in the brain, you will be forced to walk it again several times in your lifetime. And I worked so hard to distance myself from the black hole I found myself in
at age 17, but every 8 or 10 years I would descend again into that black hole. 6 months going down, and 18 months trying to climb back out. I would lose 30 lbs and go sleepless for weeks on end. Two years after the onset of my descent, I would feel recovered
enough to try to distance myself from the event. 8 or 10 years later, I would be in another epic struggle for survival. After 4 trips down the path, I solved the riddle of my mental illness. I found information in a British medical journal which suggested I was suffering from a rare and difficult to diagnose epileptic syndrome and the worst case scenario
was when your post ictal psychosis segued into an affective disorder of major depression (or bipolar depression). I contacted a neurologist who specialized in epilepsy and got an EEG and MRI which confirmed my self diagnosis. After verifying I was no longer having
focal temporal lobe seizures, she gave me some paperwork to take to social security, because I was disabled. LOL. I was disabled at age 17, but I worked 40 years I draw a pension, and am a military veteran. Sadly, they know no more about my illness than they did 40 years ago.
I had ECT in 2014, and I no longer suffer from major depressive episodes. In fact, all the supporting psychiatric symptoms of depression have also gone away. I found that interesting, because I never saw most of my symptoms as being fundamentally related, but they obviously
were. I have the occasional ocular migraine headache, but I can live with it. And, I do! Oh, and when I was symptomatic, I took many different tricyclic antidepressants and SSRIs and atypical antipsychotics and sleep medications and nothing really helped much at all.
Seroquel did induce sleep after a particularly bad stretch of insomnia, which probably saved my life. But since the ECT, I take nothing. Zero psych meds. As Jimi Hendrix once sang - "Stone Free"
