[kevin1983]

does it strip away your original personality totally because everyday for the last 3 years since developing derealization (not dp so much for me) I just feel dulled and flat like your stuck in a vegetated state. I tried variety of antidepressants to no avail and they never really lifted my major depression symptoms and just made the fog even more thicker plus where I would zone out and I could not gather my thoughts together. I also had blood work done from my doctor and he tells me I'm defienct in vitamin B12 which is 314 and d3 which is 28.1 along testosterone at 184 which should be in the 700 or greater range for my age since I'm 35 so that could explain my weak energy and overall low mood he believes so he's ruling out other potential causes like Lyme co-infections of bartonella which I have a feeling could be the source of my sickness as I also have gut issues like ibs, constitpation,and other neurlogical impairments with lack of concentration. Do you think the old me is gone because of the derealization because even articulating and sequencing thoughts are becoming a bigger mental challenge than before the condition came on? This has even caused long term unemployment for me because of my poor health, any thoughts on how your experiences have been with losing self identity?

kevin

 

[allison84]

Hi I have mainly struggled with depersonalization with bouts of derealization
I've had this 3 years in November I cant really remember what life was like before this started
My sense of who I was has come back mostly but I have definitely changed over this time , I have experienced a lot of changes during this time in my family life and I also lost a close family member though death.
See I use to ask on this forum if I would go back to who I use to be but I've came to realize that it's pretty much impossible to go back to who I was because so much in these 3 years have happened to me and its changed who iam and how I see the world .
People are always changing who I was 5 years ago is different to how I was before depersonalization hit me
My personality now is different and in some ways that's good other ways not so good
My sense of who I am in the 1st 2 years was gone from depersonalization but slowly its come back were I feel I have a core inside of me now . A soul
Yet I'm changed I believe forever and that's something I'm still trying to accept, mainly because the whole time I've had depersonalization I wanted nothing more then to go Back to the old me.
You sound like you have many other health issues going on which I would gather wouldn't be helping your state of derealization.
I suffer chronic migraines so i have a headache every single day , I've had chronic headaches since I was 18 I'm now 34 . Massive battle which 100% fuels my dissociation as I feel I lack control of this head pain and other symptoms that come with migraine disease.
I dont think chronic depersonalization derealization is just a anxiety based problem not with me anyways I think its linked to my physical health problems.
Maybe if you get some type of relief from your physical issues it maybe just might clear up the derealization at least lower it .
Good luck

 

[kevin1983]

thanks I know struggling with this altered perception of reality has become a real difficult journey as most evenings nowadays have been the worst peak recently for my derealization but sometimes since I've had negative habits of self ruminating/worrying thoughts and always letting them invade has really taken a hit on my cognitive ability to process. I guess it should be blamed on my zodiac since I'm a pisces as we analyze thoughts a lot so I was probably vulnerable to getting derealization lol. I also had no social life in the beginning and still now until this day mainly because of trusting issues and the anehodia / motivation mixed in so I know that hinders any recovery progress and that just made depression worse for me. I've been even increasing an exercise routine through running and doing strength training activities in between for the past few years along with watching diet hoping it would alleviate the foggy symptoms but still haven't noticed much change yet so yeah the physical torture of the immune defiency is probably whats holding me back as I have an appointment with an endocrinologist to address the testosterone and other hormone defiences so I should learn more answers by then and get on replacement therapy because the lack of energy and fatigue isn't helping much

 

[allison84]

Let us know how you go at your appointment I'm interested in what he says
I've been diagnosed with a magnesium deficiency but I dont think that's causing depersonalization

 

[PerfectFifth]

I'd be more surprised if your personality wasn't altered in some way as a result of the psychological turmoil associated with depersonalization/derealization. My personality has certainly, insofar as I can see, changed, but I feel that change wasn't effected by the condition itself but rather as a consequence of the psychological distress the symptoms forced me to experience. The uncertainty as what's happening to you and whether your state will worsen tends to whisk you away from mundane problems and promote "deeper" contemplation, which in turn, especially when prolonged, has the potential to affect your personality. That's how I see it, anyway.