[genie]

I was wondering if anyone could give me any kind words of advice...I seem to have developed a weird obsession about talking and thinking.

I keep thinking "where do my thoughts come from?" I can think but how do I know what word to say after the other, what makes me say something, how do random thoughts pop into my head? Do I control them or do thoughts just appear for no good reason?

All I seem to be able to think about are these damn questions. (and other ones about existence). I asked me mum and my boyfriend about it and they both agreed that they were pointless questions but they feel like a big deal to me.

I was hoping someone might be able to say something to cheer me up because I'm just feeling so down at the moment. I feel in some respects that my DP is going as I have more of a sense of self than I have done in a long time but if this IS recovery I didnt expect it to be like this.

I thought if I was recovering, everything would suddenly make sense once more and I would feel no need to ask silly repetative questions about myself and the functioning of my brain. I thought I would suddenly feel alive again and go back to how I was before this started 9 months ago but I dont. I just feel plain miserable.

I dont know if this sounds silly but it feels as though I'm almost freaked out by the fact that I exist and existence itself seems really strange.

Maybe I have gone from severely DPed to just a bit DPed so although I have made some sort of recovery, I am not yet recovered.

Thanks for replying anyone who replies.

Genie

 

[Guest]

I completely recognize those questions and that kind of obsession, yes...I did it, we all do it.

My only adivce? DON'T DO IT.

I am not being sarcastic there and I wish to God I had some good suggestions on how to stop - but this is the reality: those questions and thoughts are causing the dp and causing more anxiety.

Your mind is fooling you into thinking there are answers. You FEEL like you MUST focus on those questions until you find some answer/solution that is acceptable to you. There are none.

There are none. That is so important to "get"

The more you question, the weirder you will feel. There is no bottom to the abyss of those kinds of thoughts. Your mind is turning inward on itself, and there is no way to figure things out or reconcile those issues of infinity, reality, truth, etc.

The ONLY thing that works here is to force yourself to turn your attention elsewhere and let your poor mind reinstate itself.

Naturally, those thoughts will still keep coming into your mind. But...you can stop the intentional focusing on them. When you feel those thougths, turn your attention to ANYthing else. it is one of the hardest things you will ever be asked to do. And it is the key to your recovery.

Peace,
Janine

 

[jc]

ive had those damn thoughts for years,and even now (very very rarely) i have silly anxious thoughts about accidently harming someone...these are anxious thoughts thats all they are,dont give them any power

 

[1A]

I completely recognize those questions and that kind of obsession, yes...I did it, we all do it.

My only adivce? DON'T DO IT.

I am not being sarcastic there and I wish to God I had some good suggestions on how to stop - but this is the reality: those questions and thoughts are causing the dp and causing more anxiety.

Your mind is fooling you into thinking there are answers. You FEEL like you MUST focus on those questions until you find some answer/solution that is acceptable to you. There are none.

There are none. That is so important to "get"

The more you question, the weirder you will feel. There is no bottom to the abyss of those kinds of thoughts. Your mind is turning inward on itself, and there is no way to figure things out or reconcile those issues of infinity, reality, truth, etc.

The ONLY thing that works here is to force yourself to turn your attention elsewhere and let your poor mind reinstate itself.

Naturally, those thoughts will still keep coming into your mind. But...you can stop the intentional focusing on them. When you feel those thougths, turn your attention to ANYthing else. it is one of the hardest things you will ever be asked to do. And it is the key to your recovery.

Peace,
Janine

Janine, Does this include looking around outside of yourself as much as possible? I tend to feel all inside of myself and even when I do look straight ahead I'm not really focusing on the physical objects outside of myself.

When I focus more on objects and people and their movements, I'm less focused on MY OWN SELF. Does this make sense?

Jeff

 

[Guest]

Jeff, you're just a mess, lol....

And I was every bit as much of a mess as you seem to be.

Yes, what you said makes perfect sense. Do you know what a figure/ground drawing is? Or the Peter/Paul Goblet? It's a drawing of a vase, white vase, set against a black background and when you look at it closely, the edges of the sculpted vase appear to be two people staring at each other in profile. Then when you try to stay focused on their faces, the image of the vase suddenly "pops" back at you.

It works, as a visual anomaly, because the usual boundary shadings between the figure in the foreground and the background area are not "normal" i.e., not the way pictures usually are shaded or receded. The human eye, not knowing what is background or what is foreground cannot "decide" so it leaps from one to the other without the person feeling like they have any choice.

That's what you're doing to your poor brain. You versus Outer Reality. Figure/ground.

You have become so self-aware, and nurtured this hideous little parlor trick for most of your life probably, that your sense of self has imploded. The ONLY way out of this state is to try and force yourself with all your might to not focus on self at all. you will still exist, I promise, grin.

The over - exertion of self monitoring and self-control have extended a conscious awareness to include TOO much self. you might feel like you dont' exist, but you're too hyper-aware, not too little.

This can be totally solved, but one of the first steps is to make yourself not watch yourself all the time. It's veyr very hard. It's also the only game in town if you want to recover

Peace,
Janine

 

[genie]

Janine, do you have any tips on how not to watch yourselfthe whole time...is it just all about distraction, like watching a movie or something?

I feel like I am recovering really slowly but I'm still really confused about how I feel. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not recovering and this is how I've always felt (like I'm just trying to kid myself) and other times I think maybe this is normal and I am recovered (but I think that is more like wishful thinking.)

This might sound silly but how can you tell if you are recovering?

Also, Janine and anyone else who is better, what does it feel like to be better? When you are better do you lose all the obsessive thoughts?Does the world feel like it makes sense again?

Genie

 

[Guest]

Genie, for me feeling better came in the smallest increments. I virtually always felt better during the evening regardless. Although if I thought about it eg "its evening do I feel better?" , or "Im going to feel better soon" didnt work. However thinking I feel pretty awful now but I usually feel better later so Im not going to worry about how I feel and just do something.
Its so hard to explain how it works. You cannot force yourself to not think. But what happens is it becomes easier to just dismiss the obsessive thoughts, even the self aware thoughts, once you understand how it works. It is done sooooooo slowly. For me it was observing how my mind could sometimes think a thought and not get scared by it. It just was a mere thought no more no less. Dont pick over it analyse it. But if you do thats ok too. I know Im not expalining this well at all. But trust me if you can forget yourself for 1 min you can build on that. I can know think all sorts of wacky things and realise they are just a wacky thought. I can still experience the strangest stuff , I might be driving along anfg think I could just drive into that on coming car. Or think what if the world started spinning really reallyfast. Or what ever nonsense. What I know is that even the sanest person can think this kind of stuff. Its worrying about it, fearing it trying tio control every thought. Anticipating every thought. Keeping vigilent tio every thought ..thats was does you r head in not the actual thoughts. Slowly slowly even for just a quick grab you can see its a trick your mind plays. Think on this it says...In the beginning tis hard not to be sucked in. And dont get wacky about your head playing tricks. Its not really. Its just how EVERY ones mind works.
Its taken me such a long time but after years and then getting better, sliding back. each time seemed the last gasp. But here i am struggling to remember what it felt like to feel so wacky. I truly 3 years ago thought I was beyond fixing. I felt to tired to have to do the hard yaards again . But I did pretty well what I have tried to expalin and it worked. and still does. Even now I might get a self ware thought. Oh God I think what if it comes back. And then I dismiss it. So easily done now. Thanks God!!
Ok going home. No time to proof read
Take Care Love Deb

 

[Guest]

I relate to the obsessive thoughts you're having as I have had them for months on end. I know just how bad it feels to have them. It feels as though they will always be around and as though they have a life of their own. The truth is that with determination, it is possible to get rid of them. This is what worked for me: after months of daily 24/7 obsessive thinking I finally had enough. Each and every time one of these thoughts came up, I imagined the thought leaving my head and turning into a grey cloud which then turned into rain. I did this with EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT. No kidding, it was hard work not to start worrying and and "giving in " to these thoughts. It took me about 3 days of doing this and eventually the thoughts came less frequently until they disappeared. The COMPULSION to OBSESS went away. I still get these thought but it happens much less frequently and I no longerfeel the need to give them any further rumination. It may sound silly but it absolutely worked for me. Trying to find answers to these thoughts is what keeps them alive...you are feeding these thoughts by obsessing about these impossible questions. It feels like hell, I know. You are not alone in this.