[Guest]

*The person knows that something is terribly wrong, and grapples with trying to figure out what it is. If anything, it's the opposite of insanity. It's like being too sane. You become hypervigilant of your existence and things around you.

*There may be a sensation of being an outside observer of one's metal processes

*Indeed, chronic depersonalization often includes a sensation of overconsciousness wherein each thought seems too apparent, or too loud, like the volume of a low-playing radio suddenly turned up to its maximum according to one sufferer.

Ok, so this is basically how I feel. I've been going through this for a number of years, all started when I was smoking dope. I became seperate from myself, writing down my thought process and was automatically analysing everything, my thought process, how my thoughts/perceptions would create barriers. I became accutely aware of human behavour and felt like I had aquired an amazing insite, maybe of the workings of the subconsious, and viewing people as puppets to their own emotions and thoughts, like I have 'woken up' while everyone else is still sleeping. So after this rush of being aware of everything that was happening in my head, like my instinctive perception of things, i became seperate from that, thus creating a sort of seperate self, like I'm now the one who's watching on, disconnected from myself. So over time the intense awareness of everything has become less intense, but i've now sort of got too selves, the one who watches me, and then when I consiously try to move forward I'm gripped with anxiety and severe OCD because I feel i'm trying to hold onto thoughts, trying to consiously enforce things which my 'spectator' self wont let me hold on to. So now I'm left stuck, I feel tripped out of reality and don't feel like theres any way of getting back. How will i ever get rid of the me who is watching on and aware. I've always felt special though, like I'm glad I've had the realization. (When it first happened I experienced severe empathy, like I could fully put myself into someones reality and see the world according to them, and everything that came with that. So i guess that's another part of losing myself, leaving my sense of self to become others. Anyway, does anyone relate to this at all? I feel like these lyrics.....'once you know you can never go back, I've got to take it on the other side"

 

[MrMortgage]

I know what you mean...Almost like you were blind before all this and now you can see!

You have eyes to see the world as it really is...almost like before you were living in ignorance and now you know what other people dont know. I've been there and am still there!

 

[Guest]

i know what you mean man.... i was in such a bad state of DP for so long, and analyzed myself and other people so much that i know almost exactly what people are thinking through their body language while they are interacting with me.

I dont want the knowldedge anymore, cause now when i see a girl walk by and she covers her tummy, it makes me sad cause i know she saw me look at her and i know shes self-conscious.... I also notice that i just pay way too much attention to people too

I just wish i didnt know these things as they give me guilt

 

[Rektchordz]

this couldnt be anymore like me!! i am the biggest obsever of other people... tho i think i was like it b4 dp... i put it into good use, and study alot of 'derren brown' technquies, i do alot of card magic and mentalism... thats basically al me and my brother talk about.. when ever i talk to anyone else about it they think im soooo cever . pffttt, i dont really think its clever, i think its completely natural and comes sooo easy to me. Ive tried to stop doing it as much now as i also feel like theres two parts of me.. i thought i was getting mpd b4 i found it was dp. I play loads of games with body language, thought patterns etc when im in social enviroments, the feeling of controling someones reactions and thoughts isss awsome .. i get such a buzz when i do it in my magic. peace jay

 

[Milan]

I hate the sensation when you become aware of yourself being or existing. It feels like your watching someone else even though it is yourself doing the watching (hard to explain). I wish I had never experienced this. For me it has done no good. All I got from it was fear and a sense of non reality, no insight like you guys have mentioned.

Anyhow having this experience is really of no value and I don't believe that you're getting some form of truth or knowledge from this experience. It's the mind functioning in an altered state that serves no purpose apart from phucking you up. It would be nice to think that it was some form of enlightenment/revalation but I doubt that. And if the others are ignorant, so be it, I much prefer the ignorance.