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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Everything started with just panic attacks (or seizures but EEG showed nothing, but it's hard to understand). I suffered for a long time with that and one day I decided to go to psychiatrist and try some medication. The doctor prescribed me some Xanax and seroxat (I don't know why seroxat cuz I was under 18). By taking Xanax I had no panic attacks at all. But seroxat wasn't helpful at all. I had lots of side effects and since I was okay (Xanax job but family had no clue) my family decided to make me stop these meds in 2 weeks. This means that seroxat (Paroxetine) did nothing to me. Well for a week or more I was okay with anxiety and panic attacks since school started. I was 17 and we started discussing on philosophy about existence and all of these. I don't know why but I started feeling really uncomfortable with these thoughts and scared and panic attacks/dp came back and became chronic. I have to note that I was hooked on computer to forget that hell all the time but I also started forgetting who I am and where I am without even having any sign of stress and panic. Could seroxat cause dp and OCD on me? Now I'm 20, three years later and I went back on another GP. He prescribed me celexa to treat my obsessive thoughts. But what I saw was dp worsening. He said that it's just the first 2 weeks and on 4 weeks I will definitely be okay, but on the 3rd week I felt totally awful. Doc saw my case and told me to change medication. I'm now on fluoxetine. Which is well known for anxiety and treating OCD. He said exactly the same words. Just to wait for 2 weeks and on 4-6 weeks I will feel like myself again, or at least better than I was before. To be honest, I feel really bad and 20 days passed. I'm about to end week 3 and I feel like I've also lost my identity. I totally feel like a robot now and I can't believe I survive and I communicate. It often crosses my mind that I have dementia or Alzheimer's disease. I know it's funny cuz I'm really young and clever and I have good memories. But at least I feel something like brain degeneration. I've seen other people at my country trying several medications and experiencing dp and they all said that after 1-1, 5 or even 2 months I will probably see some results. I can actually go on and see with this med, but I just have that fear that maybe medication is what actually worsens my dp and maybe I will never manage to treat what it does to me. I really need some help and some guidance. Should I try these meds? I can wait for 1-2 months but if I keep getting worse and never can be cured again and whole life nerd after all then I definitely have to stop it. I need someone who has experience with meds to explain me about my situation. I would be really grateful. The reason why I'm also that scared is because there's a post on the internet saying about "permanent" depersonalization and identity loss (I know it can't be permanent exactly but can't be treated since caused by antidepressants that's what he's saying) and I can see people saying that antidepressants caused dp on them and even by stopping meds they never felt better. So I'm really worried of what to do.
 

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Hello, I am really sorry you’re going through this. First of all let me tell you to not be afraid, and everything will be fine (I know it doesn’t sound realistic but it’s true).

Exactly the same thing happened to me. And exactly with Luvox. So to answer your question, yes, antidepressants can 100% give you DPDR. If you say that to a shrink they’re gonna tell you “that’s a lie” because there is no “written evidence”. Well, f*ck them. They have no idea. When they’re gonna get through this, then I’ll talk to them. But not because the pharmaceutical companies told them so or they read it in DSM-IV…

If you want check my thread “GAD with DP/DR and mild depression”. You’re gonna see many similarities of our situation.

My advice is: go natty. F*ck meds. Either the shrinks say it: “you should get through this by yourself. I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. I am still not completely fine (that’s why I post here). But you should get a routine. And stop thinking about it. It’s a long road and it needs step by step. Just have in mind that when you get through that too, nothing could get you down. Imagine how strong you’re gonna be. And with a better lifestyle which you re gonna build now. Since I got it, when I go out, for whatever reason I am much more sociable, friendly, humorous, I make jokes, I have more adrenaline etc. I interpret this as nothing can touch me anymore (for instance being shy to talk to a girl, or being a pussy to some cases). Well, that’s may be bad for some but I try to see it positively.

lastly, I am trying now st. john’s wort which is a natural herb which combats depression and works as ssris but with less side effects. First few days have been so-so (so much energy and les dpdr but a few side effects). Wanna see how it goes and if the side effects subside then I am gonna be super good.

be strong and patient, my motto is: whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger and since it didn’t kill you at first, it never will.
 

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When I was on anti-depressants, I felt more stable after a while, but while everyone said I was doing better, it felt like it was another person they were talking about, a happy outgoing robot that wasn't me, while I felt sad inside, I dunno, it's hard to explain.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
When I was on anti-depressants, I felt more stable after a while, but while everyone said I was doing better, it felt like it was another person they were talking about, a happy outgoing robot that wasn't me, while I felt sad inside, I dunno, it's hard to explain.
So what can you say all in all? Are they helpful or not in the end. Should I stop them? I want to be myself more than being just calm. If medication is going to make me loose myself then I definitely should stop it.
 

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I can't tell you what to do because it's a personal decision. In the end I suppose there are pros and cons to any medication and you have to weigh them up and decide if they are helping. You might not feel yourself but you might be more stable. Even though I didn't necessarily like how they made me feel, with hindsight I probably should have stayed on them once I had started and they had already taken effect. It's not a good idea to stop and start SSRIs.
 

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I've tried a lot of antidepressants (some I was on for years) and each made my dp/dr worse except for Lamictal. They did that by dulling my emotions and thinking. I've lost my sense of self and surroundings all without even being anxious or anything.

That said, I would advise you to give it a fair trial because ADs don't show the full effect until after about a couple months or so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I can't tell you what to do because it's a personal decision. In the end I suppose there are pros and cons to any medication and you have to weigh them up and decide if they are helping. You might not feel yourself but you might be more stable. Even though I didn't necessarily like how they made me feel, with hindsight I probably should have stayed on them once I had started and they had already taken effect. It's not a good idea to stop and start SSRIs.
How much time have you stayed on that?
 

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I was taking them for about nine months. I was doing quite well in some ways, but, because they made me feel numb and kinda flat, I decided to come off them, but I hadn't really learned to deal with any of my issues so I gradually became unwell again through one problem or another. I think I should have had some kind of counselling or therapy to help me understand and manage my issues before coming off the meds. That's me though; you will have your own set of circumstances.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I was taking them for about nine months. I was doing quite well in some ways, but, because they made me feel numb and kinda flat, I decided to come off them, but I hadn't really learned to deal with any of my issues so I gradually became unwell again through one problem or another. I think I should have had some kind of counselling or therapy to help me understand and manage my issues before coming off the meds. That's me though; you will have your own set of circumstances.
Yeah, I understand. I actually have the fear of having dementia from SSRIs. I really feel calm but I feel like I can't think the way I was thinking in the past
 

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I've tried a lot of antidepressants (some I was on for years) and each made my dp/dr worse except for Lamictal. They did that by dulling my emotions and thinking. I've lost my sense of self and surroundings all without even being anxious or anything.

That said, I would advise you to give it a fair trial because ADs don't show the full effect until after about a couple months or so.
I definitely agree with that, but the question is how much should I stay on them? Cuz I've been on Ladose (same as Prozac) for like a month and a few days. I also tried celexa for 3 weeks but I stopped it since I just took the downhill. But to be honest I feel like I'm taking the downhill too with Ladose since there's more than a month and the only thing I feel is worsening the symptoms and having more strange thoughts about reality. I can't say that I don't feel more stable with my feelings but it's just like having dp without stress and panic. Everything looks foreign and my memory seems a bit blurred and foggy. After the first 2 weeks of Ladose it seemed to be okay since I could look at myself at the mirror, but I gradually experienced worse symptoms after increasing the dose. I'm on 30mg right now and I felt like on 10mg it was a bit better. I'm really going to discuss more with therapist but the real question is what to do with meds and how should I use them (or actually is it that worthy?)
 

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I'm now on fluoxetine.
I had the exact same reaction. I believe it may was the same drug and the symptoms persisted with an alternate. It was worth it for me to try another option and I’d probably try something different if I thought it might help. Though I’d have to have it well researched in advance.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I had the exact same reaction. I believe it may was the same drug and the symptoms persisted with an alternate. It was worth it for me to try another option and I’d probably try something different if I thought it might help. Though I’d have to have it well researched in advance.
What kind of thing did actually help you more? Could we talk on discord or any social media for the issue?
 

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What kind of thing did actually help you more? Could we talk on discord or any social media for the issue?
I don’t really have any of those things anymore. I didn’t trust myself (myselves?) to appear normal online anymore, as this message will soon reveal ;)
The pandemic has made my docs less available, and I still need time to recover before trying something new.
Short term: I left postits in high visibility areas saying “this is interesting, try to have fun with it” and “are your thoughts kind?” But also movies I wanted to remember to watch and groceries to buy. Sometimes those notes were for me and sometimes they were for some “other” me that was better at making decisions, and sometimes they were by the me that was good at solving problems and ideas. (it’s all so surreal). *note: my body also often felt the wrong size.
These days, I go out for walks in the morning with a book (graphic novels were all I could manage at first) as early as 4am (insomnia now too) and sit by the water. After reading the book, I’d leave it in front of a shelter.
I still don’t remember what books I read but I can now keep them in my head for about a week and the books not being around don’t cause me any memory anxiety. (I used to read a book a week)

To;dr I did the thing I enjoy most, reading, but gave myself permission to just enjoy it as it’s happening.

It has improved massively since going off the SSRIS, though not anywhere near 100% yet(?)
 
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