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Before the Vivarin overdose in 1994 (when I was 19), which created unabated DP/DR to this day, I remember experiencing brief flashes of unreality (as early as 9th grade). I would be sitting in class and I would get really warm, dizzy and the environment seemed foggy, distant and robotic. However, I would snap back to reality within a few minutes.

One of the "what-if" questions I ask myself to this day is: had I never taken the Vivarin which produced the (so far) unrelenting DP/DR, would something (else) eventually have happened, regardless, which would have launched me into the state which I've found myself in for the past decade?

I know there is no definite answer to this question, but what about a "probably" or "probably not." My guess is that the answer is "probably." Any thoughts/opinions most appreciated.

In addition, any suggestions on how I can work towards being more connected to self, when looking in the mirror. It just doesn't seem possible that I'm almost 30, considering the unrelenting DP/DR started one week before my 20th birthday. I can't believe this much time has passed. I wonder why my brain doesn't "get it" that I'm okay.

I've lasted this long, feeling very uncomfortable as a result of the constant, 24/7 DP/DR so why doesn't my mind loosen its now decade-long grip? Wouldn't it be in the best interest to loosen its grip so I can function beautifully, like I did in 1993 and earlier?

For years, I've been wanting a PTSD diagnosis from my doctor, as I have only experienced two panic attacks (most recent was way back in March 1995) but my doctor will not diagnosis PTSD, simly because I have no nightmires or flashbacks. Instead, I've been assigned the "panic disorder" diagnois from every doctor I've ever visited. My guess is that many doctors do not diagnose DP/DR as an independent disorder, but rather as a sub-set of PTSD, Panic Disorder, etc.

Thank you all for listening and thank you for any replies. I'm incredibly fortunate to have found you all.

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