[AlexFromPT]

Hey guys, I'm already on my long road to recovery from DP/DR, but, I still have this problem and I really don't know how to solve this.

Since I was a kid I was teased for being chubby and I never really addressed this interpersonal abuse. I never expressed it to anyone. I grew up with the belief that I was/am fat and ugly, even though logically and in the present day, I can deny that. I'm on a healthy body fat range and i know I am cute, period (or I'm really trying hard to believe it). The problem is I really BELIEVE I'm fat/ugly and thus I feel I have no value because of this. I also have the need to get women's attention as much as possible - to unrealistic standards.

The question is - How do I accept the way I look? That seems to be the problem I could NEVER solve. How do I accept myself and How can I simply not give a f*** about what others think? Specially women? I do believe if I solve this, I'm one big step away from recovering.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Morgane.N]

Love yourself . Do a list of all your qualities for example .

 

[AlexFromPT]

The problem is - even if I make that list I wont BELIEVE it... You see what I mean?

 

[Morgane.N]

Of course I see . It is a long road , but you will be successful .

 

[Grublet]

.

 

[Morgane.N]

LoL Yes I wanted to make a long post too but I am tired lol . AlexfrontPT , I will try to answer you tomorrow .

With Love

 

[AlexFromPT]

Im already depersonalised, I def. can wait 1 day, that's for sure. See ya tomorrow and thanks a lot.

 

[AlexFromPT]

This is more of an anxiety problem mate. Whats bugging you most about yourself ?

with anxiety its all fear related I also find with anxiety you over obsess with yourself

you also conjure up fake fears, stuff you never even worried about before!

how you look how you feel even how you walk and talk.

Think nothing of what others think of you that shouldnt worry you atall because most peoples opinions of yourself suck

and to come across opinionated judging freaks in your life does no one any favours including yourself of course

so first start by eliminating these type of culture vultures or circle jerks of negative beings around you.

Say goodbye to them. Trust me.

So its a self issue at hand you are dealing with right ?

Start to accept slowly that " this is me " " I am still me " and at the same time

tell yourself there is nothing wrong and that things will get better (and they will!)

the process of learning to love yourself is not an arrogant or ignorant one atall

and its something we all lack as human beings with anxiety.

Just a shame that when we are young our parents or schools do not educate us on mental health!

or how to deal with things once we hit our teens or 20's and 30's.

We all have to learn for ourselves our own paths once we have been traumatised and affected by something.

Most of all learn to appreciate yourself and that you are still alive

also tell yourself you are who you are and you dont need to fit in to prove anything to anyone!

You see its all a case of how you should be or want to be

and as you said and have described this comes from the early years when people would say horrible things

I've been there mate and it's hell especially if you really are different from the rest!

Be proud of yourself young man and hold your head up high

you are still alive and only just starting your journey.

I wish you all the best !

Really helpful thanks!

It all boils down to trauma, really. My self-image, self-esteem, confidence went rock bottom when both my ex girlfriends dumped me and got on with a more athletic, build up guy. When it happened, all those bad experiences from my childhood resurfaced and I created obsessions about dieting, counting calories, etc...

What I'm doing now, is trying not to obsess while living a fit, healthy lifestyle. Finding balance. I still count calories for example, but in order to not obsess, I can't worry about my appearance now - which means i need to accept myself in ANY shape, size, color, etc...

I think I'm going on a good path. Mentally I really feel less strained on the daily. Although when I see my reflection on a mirror, I still feel intense sadness, guilt and fear.

 

[philandrjack]

Hey,

Some advice that maybe can help you

a) Probably you were chubby as a child because you tried to compensate for the love you didn't recieve by eating, so it's not really your fault, look at yourself with compassion not hate.

B With the experience of DP and all you went through you are surely a strong (and intelligent) person, I am sure that you are 200% a better/stronger person than the athletic guys whom your girlfriends left you for so I would personally not give a fuck. That said maybe you can write about these experiences to let out the rage?

c) A lot of people are fat, then loose weight, then maybe regain weight and NOT GIVE A FUCK. You are probably obsessed with your body image because of your emotional abuse and neglect. You have to dig deeper til you realize who you really are and stop caring about stupid things like counting calories imho

Hope this helps man

 

[philandrjack]

Although when I see my reflection on a mirror, I still feel intense sadness, guilt and fear.

i totally know this feeling man, but it has nothing to do with the way you look, it has to do (as you already pointend out) with your past trauma. Focus on that do not focus on your body, it's pointless. People who compensate by fixating themselves on their body will always feel bad or do crazy things like a lot of plastic surgery etc. but this will never fill the void

 

[AlexFromPT]

i totally know this feeling man, but it has nothing to do with the way you look, it has to do (as you already pointend out) with your past trauma. Focus on that do not focus on your body, it's pointless. People who compensate by fixating themselves on their body will always feel bad or do crazy things like a lot of plastic surgery etc. but this will never fill the void

I know this but how can i focus on the past trauma? Thats my real question. I already wrote about it, talked about it, etc...

Me worrying about my body is just an anxiety symptom. A dysfunctional belief i acquired from others. How can i rewire myself? Battling my worries just intensifies them, at least its what it seems...

 

[ph10]

I know this but how can i focus on the past trauma? Thats my real question. I already wrote about it, talked about it, etc...

Me worrying about my body is just an anxiety symptom. A dysfunctional belief i acquired from others. How can i rewire myself? Battling my worries just intensifies them, at least its what it seems...

I think that what helps all anxiety thoughts and DP symptoms, really any mental issue... Valuing this objective reality over your own (warped, anxious, exaggerated) perception of it. You may percieve yourself as fat, but look at the rest of the world. Does anyone else honestly think you're fat/obese/overweight? Though they may have in the past, now you're simply hanging over a lie that was forced upon you. Now that lie and image exists only in your head. Nobody else is looking at you and thinking you're fat. Why? Because you aren't! And that right there is MUCH more important than the fact that you think you're fat. There's an entire world out there percieving you as a good-looking, attractive person. You may still believe it, but nobody else can see it. Eventually it will sink in that your self-perception is wrong, and the correct one is a much more positive outlook. The days of thinking you're overweight/ugly are behind you and have no validity or importance NOW - now is what is important.

You can overcome this man.

Good luck.

-Penn

 

[AlexFromPT]

Inspiring, Thank you, really.

 

[heartless]

hi, i had the exact same problem with acne. on my teenage years my face looked like a planet of volcanoes.

after i took accutane i had the baby face i always dreamed of. but i still had this scar-face perception of myself.

i remember when i smoked pot and get a psychotic episode, i looked at myself and was like damn i'm such a red-faced ugly motherfucker.

after the influence was gone i could realize that it was just all in my head, being amplified by weed.

after few bad trips regarding my external image and acne i managed to resolve this issue. it showed me exactly why my self-esteem is so crashed and i was like- ok acne is a thing of the past.

BY NO MEANS I URGE YOU TO SMOKE WEED. IT WILL PROBABLY WORSEN YOUR CONDITION.

what i advise you to do is to get to the root of your emotional problem, with the help of a licensed psychologist. he/she will underline to you what keeps your emotional distress to be preserved, and will start therapy which is changing thinking pattern.
you will also find out that while speaking to a psychologist your dp will be gone- it's always nice to have (even tiny) periods of freedom. i hope you can afford one. if you are a college student you probably can get this for a good price.

anyway, it is good that you managed to point out chunks of emotional distress. for me, once i managed to point it out, it took some time and it resolved. in my case what helped me to point them out was weed (stay away from it).

all the best