[Numbed]

Does anyone know how this happens? I've been this way for 15 years now. I have accepted it but still searching for answers which I feel I deserve. Who else has no emotions , no anxiety, no connection to anything, can't make memories and everything always feels like we are doing it for the first time. Just never feeling there .

 

[dor]

Have you had breaks from DPDR within your 15 years?

I've been in this for a little less than you, and I have had periods of "breaks." Although within those breaks I was avoiding suffering and healing. DPDR is the layer over the fear, the anxiety, unanswered questions of your unexamined past. Your emotions are there, truly. But yeah I've been in your position. I believe depersonalization is an odd tool the universe uses on people. Idk how to explain it.

I have a theory about "why" everything feels like we are doing it for the first time:

Everyday is a new day, yes, but each incoming day is interconnected with memories that are part of our future and our past, so, since we're forced to be in the present moment precisely--awareness within awareness---a DPDRd person is on the brink of actually being human.

So it seems that everything that serves a common goal comes in a duality; night and day, asleep and awake, fatigue and discipline, and eventually blank mind and emotion. Our emotions are a compass... as long as we're still human we have a chance to access this compass. You do deserve answers, that is true. But because this "disorder" is the logical dissection of the human compass, answers will only come when one takes action. Action doesn't mean movement of the body either, it can just mean assessing core beliefs quietly. I have faith you'll come back. I'm working through this muck too.. however I am filled with anxiety, fear, anger, but also peaks of joy and satisfaction. It's very bizarre this new phase of DPDR.

 

[Numbed]

Have you had breaks from DPDR within your 15 years?

I've been in this for a little less than you, and I have had periods of "breaks." Although within those breaks I was avoiding suffering and healing. DPDR is the layer over the fear, the anxiety, unanswered questions of your unexamined past. Your emotions are there, truly. But yeah I've been in your position. I believe depersonalization is an odd tool the universe uses on people. Idk how to explain it.

I have a theory about "why" everything feels like we are doing it for the first time:

Everyday is a new day, yes, but each incoming day is interconnected with memories that are part of our future and our past, so, since we're forced to be in the present moment precisely--awareness within awareness---a DPDRd person is on the brink of actually being human.

So it seems that everything that serves a common goal comes in a duality; night and day, asleep and awake, fatigue and discipline, and eventually blank mind and emotion. Our emotions are a compass... as long as we're still human we have a chance to access this compass. You do deserve answers, that is true. But because this "disorder" is the logical dissection of the human compass, answers will only come when one takes action. Action doesn't mean movement of the body either, it can just mean assessing core beliefs quietly. I have faith you'll come back. I'm working through this muck too.. however I am filled with anxiety, fear, anger, but also peaks of joy and satisfaction. It's very bizarre this new phase of DPDR.

Thanks for replying. No I have not had any breaks. I am not even sure what I really have because even with DP it seems people don't have emotional numbness or atleast not everyone does. All I know is I had a bad panic attack years back and ended up like this right after. I can't understand how this can happen to a normal person with just some anxiety prior. How did you get DP? What are your main symptoms?

 

[Trith]

I definitely have emotions and sometimes anxiety, but some emotions are dull indeed. I don't feel touched when I am in a nice place, and I feel less emotional contact with people. Also I feel less love for people in my opinion, or that feeling is a little unstable. When my DPDR started, as a teenager, I had a lot of problems with falling in love and feeling lonely and or frustrated, and I have a feeling one of the purposes of my DPDR was to protect me from that.

 

[Debora17]

Does anyone know how this happens? I've been this way for 15 years now. I have accepted it but still searching for answers which I feel I deserve. Who else has no emotions , no anxiety, no connection to anything, can't make memories and everything always feels like we are doing it for the first time. Just never feeling there .

I've had dpdr for more than 10 years. The episodes were temporary and so intense but I still had connection to reality . It escalated in June 2021 when I started feeling so detached from reality and myself. I've felt so numb and sleepy.since then. Not actually sleepy but I am always daydreaming to the point it scares me. I've gone through days when I wasn't feeling like talking to anyone, why would I care to speak when nothing makes sense. i am not saying it hasn't gotten better but when I think about myself before this , the old person full of joy and ambitions about life compared to this version of myself trapped in a dreamlike state.. I see a huge difference.

 

[Kittymoo]

I've also got no emotions since developing these symptoms. Sometimes my mind goes blank, but it's not consistently like that. I am consistently numb, though, and have memory troubles also.

For me, this happened after some traumatic events in 2014 and 2015 and my diagnosis is complex PTSD.

 

[Numbed]

I've also got no emotions since developing these symptoms. Sometimes my mind goes blank, but it's not consistently like that. I am consistently numb, though, and have memory troubles also.

For me, this happened after some traumatic events in 2014 and 2015 and my diagnosis is complex PTSD.

Thank you for sharing. How do you cope with it ? If you don't mind me asking how old are you ? Male or female ? I always like to compare my situation against someone else's for some comfort. What therapies or medications have you tried?

 

[Kittymoo]

Thank you for sharing. How do you cope with it ? If you don't mind me asking how old are you ? Male or female ? I always like to compare my situation against someone else's for some comfort. What therapies or medications have you tried?

I'm a 43 year old female. I've had these symptoms since late 2015. I take low dose naltrexone and do EMDR and sensorimotor psychotherapy. I've also tried neurofeedback, Gestalt therapy, Somatic Experencing, laser therapy and acupuncture. I've made progress with all of them (except Gestalt) and then lost it.

I don't really know how I cope. I probably wouldn't cope well if I wasn't getting help. The fact that I am gives me hope for a way out.

 

[Stay Young]

Hi all - thanks for this thread. I'm not too active on here but do check for new posts. This thread resonates with me a lot too. I'm a 36 year old male who had a really bad reaction back in summer of 2019 to a THC vape pen and it disconnected me from my reality. I was taking Fluoxetine 2 months after the incident as I had no idea about DPDR so assumed it was just severe anxiety I was experiencing. The medication helped limit the anxiety more or less instantly. I then hit a therapeutic level with the medication about 6 months later when I felt anxiety free and was so much happier in my mood.

I decided to taper off the Fluoxetine 9 months after I started them (July 2020), because I felt I no longer needed them/wanted to rely on them and hoped to return to my former self as I felt they were restricting me emotionally (but not completely restricting me). It wasn't until about 1-2 months after stopping that I realised I was left emotionally void and that's when I started searching for answers and stumbled across DPDR.

Since then I've just been trying to ride it out in the hope my emotions would return but they haven't. They have actually become more muted/numb since then.

What is strange to me is I can't even experience being drunk like I used to. Alcohol used to alleviate any anxiety I had but since I no longer can experience anxiety, I now just feel the physical effects of alcohol and none of the emotional triggering aspects of it.

I have been reluctant to try medication again as it would involve me having to tell my wife what I am experiencing and I don't want to burden her with this because even if she knew then there's nothing she can do to help it improve. I'd rather her be blissfully unaware and continue with life normally.

But I am getting to that point where I see no alternative but to try medication again. The Fluoxetine obviously helped before but I don't know whether that had any indirect effect in leading to this emotional numbness as I know SSRIs can numb people whilst they're on it.

The other medication I've read up on to support DPDR sufferers who's main symptom is numbing and that is Clomipramine. I'm hesitant because it's one of the least tolerated antidepressants but once you get past the initial side effects it can be a positive treatment.

I'm interested to know what has helped you the most @Kittymoo ?

What medications have you tried @Numbed ?

I'm also just considering trying Wellbutrin or even trying a more tolerated SSRI as perhaps this is just a depression rather than classic DPDR?! I don't feel as though I suffer from Derealization ever since that initial onset which went away after the Fluoxetine treatment.

My motivation and concentration is seriously flawed now as is my memory to a degree. I have no nostalgia about happy memories and songs don't take me back to mememories either.

What is interesting is that I did have those abilities whilst I was on the Fluoxetine. So I'm not sure whether the numbness has slowly come on as a result of the DPDR process after the vape pen, or ever since coming off of the medication.

Very confused as what to do, and there isn't a lot of specific information on recovery pages just for those recovered from emotional numbness.

Anyway good to reach out to others in a similar boat.

 

[Kittymoo]

Hi all - thanks for this thread. I'm not too active on here but do check for new posts. This thread resonates with me a lot too. I'm a 36 year old male who had a really bad reaction back in summer of 2019 to a THC vape pen and it disconnected me from my reality. I was taking Fluoxetine 2 months after the incident as I had no idea about DPDR so assumed it was just severe anxiety I was experiencing. The medication helped limit the anxiety more or less instantly. I then hit a therapeutic level with the medication about 6 months later when I felt anxiety free and was so much happier in my mood.

I decided to taper off the Fluoxetine 9 months after I started them (July 2020), because I felt I no longer needed them/wanted to rely on them and hoped to return to my former self as I felt they were restricting me emotionally (but not completely restricting me). It wasn't until about 1-2 months after stopping that I realised I was left emotionally void and that's when I started searching for answers and stumbled across DPDR.

Since then I've just been trying to ride it out in the hope my emotions would return but they haven't. They have actually become more muted/numb since then.

What is strange to me is I can't even experience being drunk like I used to. Alcohol used to alleviate any anxiety I had but since I no longer can experience anxiety, I now just feel the physical effects of alcohol and none of the emotional triggering aspects of it.

I have been reluctant to try medication again as it would involve me having to tell my wife what I am experiencing and I don't want to burden her with this because even if she knew then there's nothing she can do to help it improve. I'd rather her be blissfully unaware and continue with life normally.

But I am getting to that point where I see no alternative but to try medication again. The Fluoxetine obviously helped before but I don't know whether that had any indirect effect in leading to this emotional numbness as I know SSRIs can numb people whilst they're on it.

The other medication I've read up on to support DPDR sufferers who's main symptom is numbing and that is Clomipramine. I'm hesitant because it's one of the least tolerated antidepressants but once you get past the initial side effects it can be a positive treatment.

I'm interested to know what has helped you the most @Kittymoo ?

What medications have you tried @Numbed ?

I'm also just considering trying Wellbutrin or even trying a more tolerated SSRI as perhaps this is just a depression rather than classic DPDR?! I don't feel as though I suffer from Derealization ever since that initial onset which went away after the Fluoxetine treatment.

My motivation and concentration is seriously flawed now as is my memory to a degree. I have no nostalgia about happy memories and songs don't take me back to mememories either.

What is interesting is that I did have those abilities whilst I was on the Fluoxetine. So I'm not sure whether the numbness has slowly come on as a result of the DPDR process after the vape pen, or ever since coming off of the medication.

Very confused as what to do, and there isn't a lot of specific information on recovery pages just for those recovered from emotional numbness.

Anyway good to reach out to others in a similar boat.

Hi and thanks for reaching out with your story.

The most helpful things for me have been neurofeedback, EMDR and somatic therapies, but I have been unable to sustain the progress I made with any of them.

Any kind of stressor tends to be a trigger that shunts me back to square 1. There have been many times that it seemed like I was recovering with the help of treatment, only to suddenly be set back to the beginning and then to find that the form of therapy which had been helping me no longer did anything for me.

 

[Stay Young]

Hi and thanks for reaching out with your story.

The most helpful things for me have been neurofeedback, EMDR and somatic therapies, but I have been unable to sustain the progress I made with any of them.

Any kind of stressor tends to be a trigger that shunts me back to square 1. There have been many times that it seemed like I was recovering with the help of treatment, only to suddenly be set back to the beginning and then to find that the form of therapy which had been helping me no longer did anything for me.

Thanks for the quick reply. So were the stressors big ones or quite trivial in the grand scheme of things?

 

[Kittymoo]

Thanks for the quick reply. So were the stressors big ones or quite trivial in the grand scheme of things?

Mostly fairly major ones, but I also found that changing neurofeedback protocols would reverse the progress I made, and then after that happened, that particular form of neurofeedback would no longer work for me at all. This happened with both LENS and infra-low neurofeedback.

With EEGer neurofeedback, I lost the progress I'd made with it after my dad needed hospitalisation, which he does regularly, so I've had a few major setbacks because of that.

 

[Stay Young]

Mostly fairly major ones, but I also found that changing neurofeedback protocols would reverse the progress I made, and then after that happened, that particular form of neurofeedback would no longer work for me at all. This happened with both LENS and infra-low neurofeedback.

With EEGer neurofeedback, I lost the progress I'd made with it after my dad needed hospitalisation, which he does regularly, so I've had a few major setbacks because of that.

Ah I'm sorry to hear that. You're trying your best to recover yet life throws other stressers at you.

Would you recommend trying the neurofeedback route before medication in that case, given you seemed to be responding well at first?

I should be starting CBT with a specialist in London sometime hopefully soon.

 

[Kittymoo]

Ah I'm sorry to hear that. You're trying your best to recover yet life throws other stressers at you.

Would you recommend trying the neurofeedback route before medication in that case, given you seemed to be responding well at first?

I should be starting CBT with a specialist in London sometime hopefully soon.

Unfortunately, there's no getting away from life stressors, even if you try to control your environment as much as possible. Some of them are unavoidable.

I did try several kinds of neurofeedback before turning to medication. The medication hasn't had a particularly dramatic effect for me, but studies do show a benefit from opiate blockers in most people with dissociative symptoms.

I would suggest that other people try neurofeedback before trying meds, because neurofeedback doesn't involve significant side-effects.

That being said, nor does low dose naltrexone. There are digestive side-effects (some abdominal pain and constipation) in the first two weeks after starting it, and then again for two weeks every time you have a dose increase. After that, nothing.

It's a very safe drug and you don't really have anything to lose by trying it out. Some of the other drugs used for dissociation do have heavier side-effects, and I haven't asked to try those for that reason.

Neurofeedback is most effective in conjunction with some sort of psychotherapy. It needs something to cling to, so to speak.

 

[Kittymoo]

@Stay Young : One thing that concerns me is that you're going to be doing CBT. I think CBT has a good success rate for a lot of things, but I'm not sure that depersonalisation, derealisation, emotional numbing and dissociative symptoms generally are among them.

If you were trying this form of treatment for anxiety, I'd think it was worth a shot, but since you've got really quite the opposite set of symptomology, I'd suggest you try something body-based before anything that's cognitive and top down, so to speak. Somatic Experiencing or Sensorimotor Psychotherapy seems like it might be more likely to help you.

 

[Stay Young]

Thanks for the helpful insight @Kittymoo.

I tend to agree with the CBT thing but I haven't ever done it and it's through the trauma specialists in London who are the only medical professionals treating DPDR in the country. I'm hoping to at least draw from their experience and expertise with treating others before me.

I think they might be able to recommend medication to my GP which my GP would not normally prescribe me unless they were being advised to, such as Low Dose Naltroxone.

That is interesting about LDN and something I have read up about. The bottom line is I do think there are lots of options and avenues to explore but it's just how prepared I am to throw myself at their door and beginning the trial and error process it's inevitably going to take. All with trying to hold down a job, marriage and be a dad to a 2 year old too.

That's why hearing about what works and what doesn't is helpful to know, but again caveated with the fact everyone is different and can respond differently to all treatment.

Last point I'd make for Clomipramine is that it's good for OCD. I know there is a lot of discussion about the obsessive nature of how we feel (or don't feel in our case). If Clomipramine could help lift mood whilst also taking a minds off the introspection then perhaps that could be a good thing. I heard anecdotally that another forum member has responded well to it who had the numbness.

I will look in to the neurofeedback stuff you suggest. The issue is here in the UK it's not recognised as first-line treatment in the eyes of the NHS so I'd need to find the money myself.

Good to have connected with you on this and I'll be sure to get in touch if any improvements are made. Be great if you and others can do the same.

 

[Kittymoo]

Thanks for the helpful insight @Kittymoo.

I tend to agree with the CBT thing but I haven't ever done it and it's through the trauma specialists in London who are the only medical professionals treating DPDR in the country. I'm hoping to at least draw from their experience and expertise with treating others before me.

I think they might be able to recommend medication to my GP which my GP would not normally prescribe me unless they were being advised to, such as Low Dose Naltroxone.

That is interesting about LDN and something I have read up about. The bottom line is I do think there are lots of options and avenues to explore but it's just how prepared I am to throw myself at their door and beginning the trial and error process it's inevitably going to take. All with trying to hold down a job, marriage and be a dad to a 2 year old too.

That's why hearing about what works and what doesn't is helpful to know, but again caveated with the fact everyone is different and can respond differently to all treatment.

Last point I'd make for Clomipramine is that it's good for OCD. I know there is a lot of discussion about the obsessive nature of how we feel (or don't feel in our case). If Clomipramine could help lift mood whilst also taking a minds off the introspection then perhaps that could be a good thing. I heard anecdotally that another forum member has responded well to it who had the numbness.

I will look in to the neurofeedback stuff you suggest. The issue is here in the UK it's not recognised as first-line treatment in the eyes of the NHS so I'd need to find the money myself.

Good to have connected with you on this and I'll be sure to get in touch if any improvements are made. Be great if you and others can do the same.

I'm more than happy to provide updates, but as with most people who experience a lot of dissociation, my memory has become poor and it's possible I'll forget to. Feel free to tag or message me for an update if you don't see one from me for a while. I get email notifications.

 

[Aridity]

CBT won't do a lot for dissociation, as it's much more an emotional, physical response rather than a cognitive one. If you are very much connected to yourself and your body CBT could do a lot. You could throw all talk therapy at me in any way shape or form. It won't land, I am a shell, I can't internalize anything. The disconnect has to lift first. I know there's a deeper layer in all of these issues.. that's why something like MDMA has my attention. I can let you go deep within yourself and lift the dissociation so you can enter where the pain is hidden.. after all dissociation is a defense mechanism to protect us but it hasn't been turned off in our cases. Medication can help, but I don't believe they are the cure. they only create another problem at the end...

 

[Numbed]

Hi all - thanks for this thread. I'm not too active on here but do check for new posts. This thread resonates with me a lot too. I'm a 36 year old male who had a really bad reaction back in summer of 2019 to a THC vape pen and it disconnected me from my reality. I was taking Fluoxetine 2 months after the incident as I had no idea about DPDR so assumed it was just severe anxiety I was experiencing. The medication helped limit the anxiety more or less instantly. I then hit a therapeutic level with the medication about 6 months later when I felt anxiety free and was so much happier in my mood.

I decided to taper off the Fluoxetine 9 months after I started them (July 2020), because I felt I no longer needed them/wanted to rely on them and hoped to return to my former self as I felt they were restricting me emotionally (but not completely restricting me). It wasn't until about 1-2 months after stopping that I realised I was left emotionally void and that's when I started searching for answers and stumbled across DPDR.

Since then I've just been trying to ride it out in the hope my emotions would return but they haven't. They have actually become more muted/numb since then.

What is strange to me is I can't even experience being drunk like I used to. Alcohol used to alleviate any anxiety I had but since I no longer can experience anxiety, I now just feel the physical effects of alcohol and none of the emotional triggering aspects of it.

I have been reluctant to try medication again as it would involve me having to tell my wife what I am experiencing and I don't want to burden her with this because even if she knew then there's nothing she can do to help it improve. I'd rather her be blissfully unaware and continue with life normally.

But I am getting to that point where I see no alternative but to try medication again. The Fluoxetine obviously helped before but I don't know whether that had any indirect effect in leading to this emotional numbness as I know SSRIs can numb people whilst they're on it.

The other medication I've read up on to support DPDR sufferers who's main symptom is numbing and that is Clomipramine. I'm hesitant because it's one of the least tolerated antidepressants but once you get past the initial side effects it can be a positive treatment.

I'm interested to know what has helped you the most @Kittymoo ?

What medications have you tried @Numbed ?

I'm also just considering trying Wellbutrin or even trying a more tolerated SSRI as perhaps this is just a depression rather than classic DPDR?! I don't feel as though I suffer from Derealization ever since that initial onset which went away after the Fluoxetine treatment.

My motivation and concentration is seriously flawed now as is my memory to a degree. I have no nostalgia about happy memories and songs don't take me back to mememories either.

What is interesting is that I did have those abilities whilst I was on the Fluoxetine. So I'm not sure whether the numbness has slowly come on as a result of the DPDR process after the vape pen, or ever since coming off of the medication.

Very confused as what to do, and there isn't a lot of specific information on recovery pages just for those recovered from emotional numbness.

Anyway good to reach out to others in a similar boat.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can say I tried Wellbutrin and didn't feel much effect but maybe I should have stayed on it longer. It was one of the meds with the least side effects for me. I did try clomipramine and had horrible side effects .. constant nausea and dizziness.. complete sexual dysfunction and it did nothing. It's very hard to tell what caused it for you. I am similar in that I also get no emotional effects from drinking or other substances that should be evoking something. It's all so confusing and hard and seems doctors know nothing about it or how it really manifests itself. I keep saying to them I'm not depressed but that is all I keep getting from them. Do you also have children ?

 

[Numbed]

Unfortunately, there's no getting away from life stressors, even if you try to control your environment as much as possible. Some of them are unavoidable.

I did try several kinds of neurofeedback before turning to medication. The medication hasn't had a particularly dramatic effect for me, but studies do show a benefit from opiate blockers in most people with dissociative symptoms.

I would suggest that other people try neurofeedback before trying meds, because neurofeedback doesn't involve significant side-effects.

That being said, nor does low dose naltrexone. There are digestive side-effects (some abdominal pain and constipation) in the first two weeks after starting it, and then again for two weeks every time you have a dose increase. After that, nothing.

It's a very safe drug and you don't really have anything to lose by trying it out. Some of the other drugs used for dissociation do have heavier side-effects, and I haven't asked to try those for that reason.

Neurofeedback is most effective in conjunction with some sort of psychotherapy. It needs something to cling to, so to speak.

How have you found it helped you ? The naltrexone I mean.