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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had a DR episode that lasted 7 years. After that, it subsided for 8 years. It came back out of the blue 2 months ago. I've experienced the standard treasure trove of symptoms, but this time around I've got a few new observations that are utterly mind-boggling.

The part of my mind in charge of answering the question "How bad is my DR today?" doesn't seem to be working. I can't seem to determine my current level of dysfunction, which in and of itself is pretty dysfunctional.

On different days, I seem to lose specific "normal" abilities. For example, today I can't feel anticipation for the future. I know that time is passing, but I seem to have "temporal denial". I used to feel differently about the passage of time. I know it sounds wierd. It's hard to explain.

My latest nemesis is flouresent lights. They're had to avoid. Believe me, I've tried.

Sleeping a full 8-hour night is not a good idea for me, as it usually leads to a DR-filled day. Stress actually keeps the DR at bay. This means that I need to deprive myself of sleep and fill my life with anxiety in order to prevent the really bad DR manifestations. Not a healthy way to go, I know.

My concentration is shot on bad DR days. I can't see the "big picture" of a problem I'm working on. It's like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle while looking through a straw.

Probably the most disturbing feeling I periodically lose is the ability to feel that I want to get better. This sounds alsolutely crazy, since I hate the DR with every functioning fiber of my being. However, the capacity to feel desire is a mental function that is fair game for DR to snuff out. Ironic, huh?

I haven't returned to the shrink yet, since I never had much luck with meds. I haven't ruled out pathologies more nefarious than DR, and I could be expreienceing a generous helping of denial, too.

When I first had DR in 1991, I couldn't find a shrink who even heard of DR. It's good to have the Internet and this site this time around.
 
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