[peaceboy23]

So I've started to realize something, I think I actually mentioned it earlier, but i've noticed that sometimes when the dp goes, i get an intense sadness about me, a depression. It doesn't seem all that unlikely to me that the dp could be trying to "Protect" me from depression, and the events that have lead up to it. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I have never let myself cry or feel sadness, and when I do, I feel very, very guilty. It's like I shouldn't feel negative feelings like this. It's the same way with anger, greed, jealousy, all that stuff. But sadness and greif, those are the big ones. I dont' think I've ever really coped with my roommate's death last year from alcohol poisoning. I feel guilty because I was upset with him the night he died, and because I feel i should have somehow saved him. But the only times I've cried about it were when i was really, really drunk. I came home, six months after his death and sobbed in his old bedroom on several different occasions. This is obviously not healthy grief, because i never dealt with it at the time. At his funeral, I even choked back the tears and told myself not to cry, because I thought others would wonder why I was so sad, since I dind't really know him that well. You know, I went to work less than twenty four hours after his death, thinking it wasn't enough of an excuse to miss work? Anyway, sorry for the long story, but I think this could be a big issue wtih my dp/dr. I think I may actually print this out and read it to my therapist on Wednesday! Maybe some of you can relate to this emotional blunting for so long, and then having the dp from it, which i think is a big problem for me. I think something happened that brought it on in the really bad way it did about six months ago and the emotional blunting has just built on it and made it worse and fed it. Sorry for the long ramble, if you're still with me, any thoughts are welcome!

 

[Sojourner]

Good work, peaceboy. This sure sounds like a breakthrough. Now you can allow your self to feel your feelings fully.

This is great news and I am very happy to hear it!!!!!

 

[flowingly]

Was it the specific death of your roommate that had/has you overwhelmed, or the thought of death in general? Did your DP begin as a result of the loss, or had you had it prior? As for coping with losing someone, there are myriad ways to deal with it. If crying helps, cry. However, if it just makes you feel worse-- have you talked to anyone about how you feel regarding this specifically? Seems like it's overwhelming, and with all the symptoms of DP, the last thing you need is more things to think about, worry, or occupy your mind. Especially things that were out of your control.