Joined
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13 Posts
Hey everybody. I have been on here frequently to share mine and read other stories of people who have suffered with my similar symptoms of depersonalization/derealization. My journey with DPDR started after a bad marijuana high, and was exacerbated by benzodiazepine withdrawal 5 years ago.
When I came off the benzodiazepine, my DPDR became more sinister and bizarre. I began suffering from perceptual/atmospheric distortions...often times the derealization would make me feel like I was in a mechanical, parallel dimension that had its own eerie atmosphere to it. The world felt like it was blanketed in shades of unfamiliarity. I also had and still have experienced intrusive memories which came in similar atmospheric flashbacks.
My mood has also been very unstable since I came off, and if I do not get enough sleep I will become hypomanic and become impulsive, elated, and will suffer from poor decision making. This can also switch to severe depression with fatigue and suicidal ideation.
When I saw this specialist, she told me at the
end of our diagnostic session that she initially thought I was in the prodrome of schizophrenia when I first emailed her, but when hearing more from me thought I was bipolar with psychotic tendencies. This came to some surprise to me, not necessarily the bipolar but the psychotic tendencies. When I get these dissociative symptoms, I know they are just a symptom and I don't believe them, I am able to clearly separate them from reality. I also don't experience delusions of grandeur, paranoia, suspicion, or believe that I have special abilities. When I am depressed I don't have delusions of guilt or persecution either. I have never hallucinated, and have a very integrated personality/high level of self awareness. My question is, to those that experience this, does this sound odd to you? Is there more to psychosis than simply delusions and hallucinations? Thank you.
When I came off the benzodiazepine, my DPDR became more sinister and bizarre. I began suffering from perceptual/atmospheric distortions...often times the derealization would make me feel like I was in a mechanical, parallel dimension that had its own eerie atmosphere to it. The world felt like it was blanketed in shades of unfamiliarity. I also had and still have experienced intrusive memories which came in similar atmospheric flashbacks.
My mood has also been very unstable since I came off, and if I do not get enough sleep I will become hypomanic and become impulsive, elated, and will suffer from poor decision making. This can also switch to severe depression with fatigue and suicidal ideation.
When I saw this specialist, she told me at the
end of our diagnostic session that she initially thought I was in the prodrome of schizophrenia when I first emailed her, but when hearing more from me thought I was bipolar with psychotic tendencies. This came to some surprise to me, not necessarily the bipolar but the psychotic tendencies. When I get these dissociative symptoms, I know they are just a symptom and I don't believe them, I am able to clearly separate them from reality. I also don't experience delusions of grandeur, paranoia, suspicion, or believe that I have special abilities. When I am depressed I don't have delusions of guilt or persecution either. I have never hallucinated, and have a very integrated personality/high level of self awareness. My question is, to those that experience this, does this sound odd to you? Is there more to psychosis than simply delusions and hallucinations? Thank you.
