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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I ask that some of you will make the effort to read this rather long email, thankyou.

I haven't the strength to be poetic or witty in this post, nor do I have the strength to write at great length, or be overly descriptive. But do understand that the last5 days, in particular the last 48 have been some of the greates and most catastrophic of my life so far.
Some of you may recall my post "...99 problems....". To cut a long story short I met a Dutch girl in Thailand a few months back. We hit it off, kept in contact and I went to visit her in Amsterdam last Wednesday.
I went with a friend, and for the first few days, I was really nervous, and actually very defeatist about the whole thing. When I got there it just seemed so weird visiting this girl who I hardly knew. We still got on sometimes, and other times I was just too tired to talk, cos' I hadn't been getting much sleep.
Anyway my friend went home Saturday morning. We met up at about two, and the hours that followed were some of the happiest of my life. I'd already come to realise how great she was, through her endless hospitality to her consideration for both me and my friend (who I'm not sure why I brought along in the first place). She was both honest and very considerate. Basically she was amazing, and about to become even more amazing. She suggested taking me for a driving lesson, since I'd just started to learn to drive back in London. So we drove out to an empty business district. I did a few laps of the block under her careful instruction. After that we parked, and kissed. It was perfect, amazing in every way.
Then we drove to the beach. The weather wasn't great but the beach still looked lovely. So we had a little walk and a drink. That was amazing too. Just talking to her felt so natural and good. All the time I reall had to suspend my disbelief. See this girl is a model, and a damn good looking one at that. She seems very popular as well, lot's of friends, both male and female. Very Independant as well. I eventually accepted that she liked me cos' she thought I was good looking, and that she found me funny, nice and cute. When we were finally alone, I really did believe it was real, I really did believe that she liked me.
It was so amazing, I can hardly describe. Even when we were sitting in traffic jams, she would lean across and kiss me. This affection was something that my life had lacked for so long.
Anyway I'm sure you get the point. It was amazing she was amazing. Now it's time for things to go horribly wrong. Horribly wrong in the most horribly obvious and unoriginal of ways.
She suggested we visit a coffee shop. In Amsterdam, as I'm sure you all know, coffee shops also sell cannabis there.
As some of you know, cannabis is the reason I'm dp'ed in the first place. I had an utterly horrible experience with it two and a half years ago.
But this time I assumed I'd be ok cos' I was with her. It felt so good being with her and I felt totally safe. I was sure I loved her actually.
Well you can guess what happend.
I hadn't done cannabis in over two years. The stuff in Amsetrdam is meant to be the strongest in the world, and the joint we bought was pretty fat.
So we went back to her sister's place to smoke it. I was naturally very nervous about meeting her older sister. So we lit up.
I took one puff, and strait away started to feel weird. It was ok, she was there I'd be ok. Her sister appeared and started asking questions. Sh*t I couldn't answer them with more than a simple sentence, like it were some sort of interrogation. I felt like an idiot all of a sudden. I best smoke some more. So I did, I kept smoking that joint, made from the finest weed in the world. There was no way I could handle this. I was set for disaster. Then the panic hit, and it hit hard.
:cry: :( :cry: :( WHY???
Why was I such an idiot. Why did this have to happen. Why was one of the most amazing days of my life being torn to pieces by this cruel force that had ravaged my mind so badly two and a half years ago.
My mind was f*cked, I wasn't going mad I was mad. I couldn't actually think properly. I would be thinking of something, then realise that whatever it was, it was pure nonsense. I could hardly answer her sisters questions.
She noticed I was feeling bad, and gave me a glass of vitamin C dissolved water. This is meant to stop you feeling naseous. It didn't do much.
They decided then to go out and get some Indonesian take away. Good lord, there was no way I could eat. I felt really bad when we were out.
At this point I don't think I've quite emphasised how bad I was.
There were moments, when I honestly considered killing myself, to end the torture. My mind felt fragmented. It felt like it had shattered into a million nonsensical pieces. Every scary thought I had would become fact. If I thought: 'what if I hallucinate big time?' then I would. It wouldn't matter whether I was hallucinating cos' I had convinced myself of it so much in the space of a second. The world would start to flicker and shake. It would jerk like some really low frame rate movie from the early 20th century.
But still in this state, everr time she held my hand and stared into my eyes, for a brief moment I would feel great.
Her presence both helped and hindered the situation. It hindered because it contributed to the bizarreness of it all. That this should happen when I was with this person, who was one of the most amazing things to happen to me. I honestly believed that I was being tortured by some evil god.
But it helped her being there. It helped just having someone there. Someone who had no idea what was happening to you, but still cared, who still held your hand, and stared into your eyes. That still has an effect, even when your mind's that lost. It's not enough to cure you, but it helps.
Anyway we took the food back to her sister's place. I couldn't eat, I had a few mouthfuls, before falling back into my mind. I still felt really embarssed that they'd bought me this food, and I couldn't even eat it. This sort of embarassment was a good thing actually,it was normal, at least.
After the food, i asked whther I could go and lie down. Her sister offered up her bed. Under normal circumstances I would have refused, but I was too mashed to care. She came up with me. She wanted tkiss, but I was still too out of it, but I tried anyway. Eventually we fell asleep in eachother's arms. Again it really helped I think having someone to hold.
We woke up about an hour and a half later. I felt exhausted, not tripping out anymore though, which I was thankful for. But I felt totally apathetic and depressed toeards anything. I looked over and saw her sucking her thumb, again for a few brief moments I felt such love and joy.
We got up and went to a bar. Had one drink then admitted that we felt to tired for this. Well I did, but I thought that she probably could have managed, had I been up for it.
So we went back to her sisters. We watched a bit of t.v. Her sister and flat mates had gone to bed.
We started kissing. It became apparent that we were going to have sex. At this point I was thinking much. I wasn't at all excited by the prospect, ordinarily I would have been very much excited.
Surprisingly I managed to get it up, with little problem. All I hope is that she enjoyed it, and I wont' say anything more about that.
After that we fell asleep on the couch. We woke up a few hours later.
She drove me to the airort at half five in the morning. We hardly said much. But she still held my hand as we drove :) .
Ther was a lot I wanted to say to her when we were saying goodbye. All I could manage was a tired whisper in her ear 'You're amazing' or something.
Since then I've been extremely depressed. There has been absolutely no joy in my heart. Well sometimes when I get enough clarity, and I focus on how amzing she was I do feel some brief joy. But for the most part I'm as bad as I've ever felt. All I want to do is sleep.
She sent me an email yesterday at about two o clock. The title alone was enough to send me to tears; 'mss you'.
What had I done, why had I screwed up such an opportunity. She desrved more than that. My judgement of people is usally very good, and I can tell you that she was an amazing girl (like I've said so many timed before). Why had I done the one thing that I vowed never to do again in my life. Why had I broken the first rule of Dp club.

So what do you guys thing of my experience?
How am I gonna' get out of this ultra depressed rut? University starts in two weeks. Bein like this reminds me of how normal I was, how cured I was. It's been so long since I felt like this. Some general pragmatic advice is needed, and no,I'm not on any meds.

Thankyou so much for reading.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I ask that some of you will make the effort to read this rather long email, thankyou.

I haven't the strength to be poetic or witty in this post, nor do I have the strength to write at great length, or be overly descriptive. But do understand that the last5 days, in particular the last 48 have been some of the greates and most catastrophic of my life so far.
Some of you may recall my post "...99 problems....". To cut a long story short I met a Dutch girl in Thailand a few months back. We hit it off, kept in contact and I went to visit her in Amsterdam last Wednesday.
I went with a friend, and for the first few days, I was really nervous, and actually very defeatist about the whole thing. When I got there it just seemed so weird visiting this girl who I hardly knew. We still got on sometimes, and other times I was just too tired to talk, cos' I hadn't been getting much sleep.
Anyway my friend went home Saturday morning. We met up at about two, and the hours that followed were some of the happiest of my life. I'd already come to realise how great she was, through her endless hospitality to her consideration for both me and my friend (who I'm not sure why I brought along in the first place). She was both honest and very considerate. Basically she was amazing, and about to become even more amazing. She suggested taking me for a driving lesson, since I'd just started to learn to drive back in London. So we drove out to an empty business district. I did a few laps of the block under her careful instruction. After that we parked, and kissed. It was perfect, amazing in every way.
Then we drove to the beach. The weather wasn't great but the beach still looked lovely. So we had a little walk and a drink. That was amazing too. Just talking to her felt so natural and good. All the time I reall had to suspend my disbelief. See this girl is a model, and a damn good looking one at that. She seems very popular as well, lot's of friends, both male and female. Very Independant as well. I eventually accepted that she liked me cos' she thought I was good looking, and that she found me funny, nice and cute. When we were finally alone, I really did believe it was real, I really did believe that she liked me.
It was so amazing, I can hardly describe. Even when we were sitting in traffic jams, she would lean across and kiss me. This affection was something that my life had lacked for so long.
Anyway I'm sure you get the point. It was amazing she was amazing. Now it's time for things to go horribly wrong. Horribly wrong in the most horribly obvious and unoriginal of ways.
She suggested we visit a coffee shop. In Amsterdam, as I'm sure you all know, coffee shops also sell cannabis there.
As some of you know, cannabis is the reason I'm dp'ed in the first place. I had an utterly horrible experience with it two and a half years ago.
But this time I assumed I'd be ok cos' I was with her. It felt so good being with her and I felt totally safe. I was sure I loved her actually.
Well you can guess what happend.
I hadn't done cannabis in over two years. The stuff in Amsetrdam is meant to be the strongest in the world, and the joint we bought was pretty fat.
So we went back to her sister's place to smoke it. I was naturally very nervous about meeting her older sister. So we lit up.
I took one puff, and strait away started to feel weird. It was ok, she was there I'd be ok. Her sister appeared and started asking questions. Sh*t I couldn't answer them with more than a simple sentence, like it were some sort of interrogation. I felt like an idiot all of a sudden. I best smoke some more. So I did, I kept smoking that joint, made from the finest weed in the world. There was no way I could handle this. I was set for disaster. Then the panic hit, and it hit hard.
:cry: :( :cry: :( WHY???
Why was I such an idiot. Why did this have to happen. Why was one of the most amazing days of my life being torn to pieces by this cruel force that had ravaged my mind so badly two and a half years ago.
My mind was f*cked, I wasn't going mad I was mad. I couldn't actually think properly. I would be thinking of something, then realise that whatever it was, it was pure nonsense. I could hardly answer her sisters questions.
She noticed I was feeling bad, and gave me a glass of vitamin C dissolved water. This is meant to stop you feeling naseous. It didn't do much.
They decided then to go out and get some Indonesian take away. Good lord, there was no way I could eat. I felt really bad when we were out.
At this point I don't think I've quite emphasised how bad I was.
There were moments, when I honestly considered killing myself, to end the torture. My mind felt fragmented. It felt like it had shattered into a million nonsensical pieces. Every scary thought I had would become fact. If I thought: 'what if I hallucinate big time?' then I would. It wouldn't matter whether I was hallucinating cos' I had convinced myself of it so much in the space of a second. The world would start to flicker and shake. It would jerk like some really low frame rate movie from the early 20th century.
But still in this state, everr time she held my hand and stared into my eyes, for a brief moment I would feel great.
Her presence both helped and hindered the situation. It hindered because it contributed to the bizarreness of it all. That this should happen when I was with this person, who was one of the most amazing things to happen to me. I honestly believed that I was being tortured by some evil god.
But it helped her being there. It helped just having someone there. Someone who had no idea what was happening to you, but still cared, who still held your hand, and stared into your eyes. That still has an effect, even when your mind's that lost. It's not enough to cure you, but it helps.
Anyway we took the food back to her sister's place. I couldn't eat, I had a few mouthfuls, before falling back into my mind. I still felt really embarssed that they'd bought me this food, and I couldn't even eat it. This sort of embarassment was a good thing actually,it was normal, at least.
After the food, i asked whther I could go and lie down. Her sister offered up her bed. Under normal circumstances I would have refused, but I was too mashed to care. She came up with me. She wanted tkiss, but I was still too out of it, but I tried anyway. Eventually we fell asleep in eachother's arms. Again it really helped I think having someone to hold.
We woke up about an hour and a half later. I felt exhausted, not tripping out anymore though, which I was thankful for. But I felt totally apathetic and depressed toeards anything. I looked over and saw her sucking her thumb, again for a few brief moments I felt such love and joy.
We got up and went to a bar. Had one drink then admitted that we felt to tired for this. Well I did, but I thought that she probably could have managed, had I been up for it.
So we went back to her sisters. We watched a bit of t.v. Her sister and flat mates had gone to bed.
We started kissing. It became apparent that we were going to have sex. At this point I was thinking much. I wasn't at all excited by the prospect, ordinarily I would have been very much excited.
Surprisingly I managed to get it up, with little problem. All I hope is that she enjoyed it, and I wont' say anything more about that.
After that we fell asleep on the couch. We woke up a few hours later.
She drove me to the airort at half five in the morning. We hardly said much. But she still held my hand as we drove :) .
Ther was a lot I wanted to say to her when we were saying goodbye. All I could manage was a tired whisper in her ear 'You're amazing' or something.
Since then I've been extremely depressed. There has been absolutely no joy in my heart. Well sometimes when I get enough clarity, and I focus on how amzing she was I do feel some brief joy. But for the most part I'm as bad as I've ever felt. All I want to do is sleep.
She sent me an email yesterday at about two o clock. The title alone was enough to send me to tears; 'mss you'.
What had I done, why had I screwed up such an opportunity. She desrved more than that. My judgement of people is usally very good, and I can tell you that she was an amazing girl (like I've said so many timed before). Why had I done the one thing that I vowed never to do again in my life. Why had I broken the first rule of Dp club.

So what do you guys thing of my experience?
How am I gonna' get out of this ultra depressed rut? University starts in two weeks. Bein like this reminds me of how normal I was, how cured I was. It's been so long since I felt like this. Some general pragmatic advice is needed, and no,I'm not on any meds.

Thankyou so much for reading.
 
G

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You're making this way too complicated. Why did you do it? Same reason everyone does stupid and self-destructive stuff - you were trying to impress somebody who was captivating you.

The thing is this: It worked out. Not only did it work out, it worked out very very well. Clearly, this woman is remarkable and mature and kind and sensitive.

If you hadn't screwed up, you might have lived in a chronic anxiety throughout the entire relationship wondering is she would abandon you if you ever "showed" your "crazy side." Now you know. She won't.

I also wonder on some level if you smoked for that reason (unconsciously). Almost as a test - as if "let her see me now, at my worst..." as if you didn't want to grow to love her if she couldn't handle it.

You're depressed not only because you really screwed up but also because you MISS her. You're back in "reality" now, away from the extraordinary vacation that sounds like it was a visit to both heaven and hell.

Earth.

If the two of you will build a relationship it will be on earth.

The depression will lift.

Send her an email. And get on with the day.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

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You're making this way too complicated. Why did you do it? Same reason everyone does stupid and self-destructive stuff - you were trying to impress somebody who was captivating you.

The thing is this: It worked out. Not only did it work out, it worked out very very well. Clearly, this woman is remarkable and mature and kind and sensitive.

If you hadn't screwed up, you might have lived in a chronic anxiety throughout the entire relationship wondering is she would abandon you if you ever "showed" your "crazy side." Now you know. She won't.

I also wonder on some level if you smoked for that reason (unconsciously). Almost as a test - as if "let her see me now, at my worst..." as if you didn't want to grow to love her if she couldn't handle it.

You're depressed not only because you really screwed up but also because you MISS her. You're back in "reality" now, away from the extraordinary vacation that sounds like it was a visit to both heaven and hell.

Earth.

If the two of you will build a relationship it will be on earth.

The depression will lift.

Send her an email. And get on with the day.

Peace,
Janine
 

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Axel19 said:
I looked over and saw her sucking her thumb, again for a few brief moments I felt such love and joy.
I must confess, this threw me a bit...just how old is this dream girl of yours Axel?

Lovely story...i mean, i really enjoyed reading it, and i could also sympathize with your situation. I reignited my dp feelings over New Years when i did some BC weed (this is actually the strongest stuff in the world), and totally catapulted myself back into the doldrums of dp. The post-pot depression lasted about two weeks and then i started to feel better in that sense. It isn't a good idea to do it for us. You know this. I know this. And yet we still did it. It wasn't a good idea, but it's not the end of the world either.

This girl sounds like she's really captured your heart. Be thankful for that and don't fret over spoiling things. Even if all were to go to hell tomorrow, you'd still have those feelings that she's awoken in you. And nothing...not even dp, can take those memories away.

s.
 

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Axel19 said:
I looked over and saw her sucking her thumb, again for a few brief moments I felt such love and joy.
I must confess, this threw me a bit...just how old is this dream girl of yours Axel?

Lovely story...i mean, i really enjoyed reading it, and i could also sympathize with your situation. I reignited my dp feelings over New Years when i did some BC weed (this is actually the strongest stuff in the world), and totally catapulted myself back into the doldrums of dp. The post-pot depression lasted about two weeks and then i started to feel better in that sense. It isn't a good idea to do it for us. You know this. I know this. And yet we still did it. It wasn't a good idea, but it's not the end of the world either.

This girl sounds like she's really captured your heart. Be thankful for that and don't fret over spoiling things. Even if all were to go to hell tomorrow, you'd still have those feelings that she's awoken in you. And nothing...not even dp, can take those memories away.

s.
 

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axel you must be the biggest dope ever.

sorry for the pun

SHE LOVES YOU!!!!!!

you had a panic attack and you were severely dped.. not only did she cuddle with you that very night.. but she felt comfortable enough to suck her thumb??? then the next night you get it on with her???

axel...

HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

is this the behavior of someone who thinks youre a psycho? HELL NO. its obviously love. please axel give her a chance!! youre letting your fear get in the way of your life and your happiness. YES YOU HAVE DP. YES YOU HAVE THIS SPECTOR OF PANIC LOOMING OVER YOU AT EVERY MOMENT. so what? does that mean that you have to make like a doomsayer and predict the worst so you just give up before you even begin? this depression youre feeling is just the longing that you have in your heart to feel that complete again. you miss her. call it what you want. trust me i know. i miss gav so f-ing much. sometimes to the point where i simply want to end it all. but i know that we will be together. just like you KNOW IN YOUR HEART that she is the one for you. and that she really truly feels that way about you. DISPITE YOUR OBVIOUS FLAWS.

yes you are flawed. THATS WHAT MAKES YOU HUMAN! our flaws differ. im sure she has hers. have you asked her? have you opened up to her? i think thats what is making you think these awful thoughts. you think she will reject you if you tell her the truth about your illness. i hope you now realize that that is BULLSH!T. she wants to be with you. please email her and tell her what is in your heart. tell her your fears. tell her that she causes you to have all these emotions. because thats what girls want to hear!!! that a guy can have actual FEELINGS. if you shut her off she will think you dont care. that you could care less. but that is the furthest from the truth for you! you do care! this whole thing is ripping your guts out!

TELL HER. EXPOSE YOUR UNDERBELLY! NO FEAR!!!!!
 

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axel you must be the biggest dope ever.

sorry for the pun

SHE LOVES YOU!!!!!!

you had a panic attack and you were severely dped.. not only did she cuddle with you that very night.. but she felt comfortable enough to suck her thumb??? then the next night you get it on with her???

axel...

HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

is this the behavior of someone who thinks youre a psycho? HELL NO. its obviously love. please axel give her a chance!! youre letting your fear get in the way of your life and your happiness. YES YOU HAVE DP. YES YOU HAVE THIS SPECTOR OF PANIC LOOMING OVER YOU AT EVERY MOMENT. so what? does that mean that you have to make like a doomsayer and predict the worst so you just give up before you even begin? this depression youre feeling is just the longing that you have in your heart to feel that complete again. you miss her. call it what you want. trust me i know. i miss gav so f-ing much. sometimes to the point where i simply want to end it all. but i know that we will be together. just like you KNOW IN YOUR HEART that she is the one for you. and that she really truly feels that way about you. DISPITE YOUR OBVIOUS FLAWS.

yes you are flawed. THATS WHAT MAKES YOU HUMAN! our flaws differ. im sure she has hers. have you asked her? have you opened up to her? i think thats what is making you think these awful thoughts. you think she will reject you if you tell her the truth about your illness. i hope you now realize that that is BULLSH!T. she wants to be with you. please email her and tell her what is in your heart. tell her your fears. tell her that she causes you to have all these emotions. because thats what girls want to hear!!! that a guy can have actual FEELINGS. if you shut her off she will think you dont care. that you could care less. but that is the furthest from the truth for you! you do care! this whole thing is ripping your guts out!

TELL HER. EXPOSE YOUR UNDERBELLY! NO FEAR!!!!!
 
G

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Axel darling,

let me tell you something, we ALL make mistakes like this. I'll tell you a little story...

I smoked weed in May, freaked out completely, felt my very first ever DR/DP feelings, thought I was going to die, sat on a couch for 3 hours shaking, finally came down from the high, went to sleep, and when I woke up I was completely normal again. I convinced myself I would never smoke weed again.

A month later... LAST DAY of my senior year in high school. I smoke weed before school. No idea why. I just did. What I consider to be my biggest mistake. I spent most of my last day of high school in the nurses office freaking out/sleeping. When I woke up I felt weird. I've felt weird ever since... I developed an anxiety disorder, blah blah blah.

My point... we ALL make mistakes. We all do things like this and have no idea why we even did it. You're being way too hard on yourself. It doesn't seem like she even cared. I think you need to let go of the judgement you've made on yourself and just accept the fact that you made the decision to smoke marijuana and be ok with it. You can't go back in change it. ok?

THIS GIRL LIKES YOU.
Stop being so worried about it.
 
G

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Axel darling,

let me tell you something, we ALL make mistakes like this. I'll tell you a little story...

I smoked weed in May, freaked out completely, felt my very first ever DR/DP feelings, thought I was going to die, sat on a couch for 3 hours shaking, finally came down from the high, went to sleep, and when I woke up I was completely normal again. I convinced myself I would never smoke weed again.

A month later... LAST DAY of my senior year in high school. I smoke weed before school. No idea why. I just did. What I consider to be my biggest mistake. I spent most of my last day of high school in the nurses office freaking out/sleeping. When I woke up I felt weird. I've felt weird ever since... I developed an anxiety disorder, blah blah blah.

My point... we ALL make mistakes. We all do things like this and have no idea why we even did it. You're being way too hard on yourself. It doesn't seem like she even cared. I think you need to let go of the judgement you've made on yourself and just accept the fact that you made the decision to smoke marijuana and be ok with it. You can't go back in change it. ok?

THIS GIRL LIKES YOU.
Stop being so worried about it.
 

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Axel, I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It is a wonderful thing to meet someone that makes you feel happy inside. The problem that I see here is, as wonderful as this person is why did she take you to a coffee shop that has this stuff? Why not just go to a normal coffee shop and just have a cup of coffee and get to know each other. One would know that using this could change how you both look at each other. You knew what happened the first time when you got the dp, why would you put yourself through that experience again for another. I am sorry I do not understand. Dp is a horrible experience I would never want to put myself through that for anyone or anything. I do hope you feel better soon. You asked for advice, my advice to you if it is okay to say, just be yourself.

gem.
 

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Axel, I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It is a wonderful thing to meet someone that makes you feel happy inside. The problem that I see here is, as wonderful as this person is why did she take you to a coffee shop that has this stuff? Why not just go to a normal coffee shop and just have a cup of coffee and get to know each other. One would know that using this could change how you both look at each other. You knew what happened the first time when you got the dp, why would you put yourself through that experience again for another. I am sorry I do not understand. Dp is a horrible experience I would never want to put myself through that for anyone or anything. I do hope you feel better soon. You asked for advice, my advice to you if it is okay to say, just be yourself.

gem.
 

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Axel,
Great story and a good read. Sorry to hear about the cannabis problems, but it's a learning experience. And to think that you felt so great then should only give you hope. It'll only take time to sort out. Go for her-- you've got her, man. Just relax and keep cool.

-Grant with an "R"
 

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Axel,
Great story and a good read. Sorry to hear about the cannabis problems, but it's a learning experience. And to think that you felt so great then should only give you hope. It'll only take time to sort out. Go for her-- you've got her, man. Just relax and keep cool.

-Grant with an "R"
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Well thanks for the replies guys.

Sebastian, my God, I feel rather embarrassed after reading that sucking thumb thing. I've since been expecting a knock at the doorfrom the sexual crimes unit of the police department. She is in fact 5 months my senior.

It was a slightly melodramatic post, but then in the throws of depression one be a very melodramatic person. It's not that I didn't mean everything that I wrote, it's just that I'm a British male and not supposed to talk about such things.

SB, very nice reply as well. In fact I liked all of your replies, very uplifting.

I had a long 'msn session' with her yesterday (see that's a play on words :lol: ), and explained things just a little more. I told her of my similar experience with my cousin two years ago. I told her how I'd vowed never to do the stuff again. I told her exactly what was happening to me when on the drugs, all the freaky dp/dr stuff included. I didn't tell her of my general feelings of anxiety/dp/dr/depression. This is not because I'm scared she'll lose interest in me, but because I don't see the need, I really don't feel like I have to.
She almost convinced me to jump on the next plane to Holland. She said that she was coming to London in November.
Anyway, the point is; this helped clear my mind somewhat, clear the confusion of how I felt.
I decided to take a mini vacation up to Ipswich, to stay with relatives. After popping omega three like mad for four days, I think I can feel the depression lifting. I don't want to speak to soon, but when it does, I'll have three years of university and a Dutch model to look forward to.

Cheers again guys
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Well thanks for the replies guys.

Sebastian, my God, I feel rather embarrassed after reading that sucking thumb thing. I've since been expecting a knock at the doorfrom the sexual crimes unit of the police department. She is in fact 5 months my senior.

It was a slightly melodramatic post, but then in the throws of depression one be a very melodramatic person. It's not that I didn't mean everything that I wrote, it's just that I'm a British male and not supposed to talk about such things.

SB, very nice reply as well. In fact I liked all of your replies, very uplifting.

I had a long 'msn session' with her yesterday (see that's a play on words :lol: ), and explained things just a little more. I told her of my similar experience with my cousin two years ago. I told her how I'd vowed never to do the stuff again. I told her exactly what was happening to me when on the drugs, all the freaky dp/dr stuff included. I didn't tell her of my general feelings of anxiety/dp/dr/depression. This is not because I'm scared she'll lose interest in me, but because I don't see the need, I really don't feel like I have to.
She almost convinced me to jump on the next plane to Holland. She said that she was coming to London in November.
Anyway, the point is; this helped clear my mind somewhat, clear the confusion of how I felt.
I decided to take a mini vacation up to Ipswich, to stay with relatives. After popping omega three like mad for four days, I think I can feel the depression lifting. I don't want to speak to soon, but when it does, I'll have three years of university and a Dutch model to look forward to.

Cheers again guys
 
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