[mulder]

I've been getting on ok with my DR lately, Tuesday night was a good one, got to see a friend I havn't seen in a while, and wasn't too anxious walking around town.

Then, I woke up today, and got ready to go see my therapist. When I went into the bathroom, I was a little tired and wooly headed, but when I came out I felt really off. I've had this a lot lately, I put it down to the hot weather and steamy bathroom making me feel dizzy and therefore more DR'd. But, when I had dinner and went to get in the car (my Dad drives me to my sessions, thank God), I was feeling even worse than normal.

I started to feel really irritated by things, slightly angry, really DR'd in a slightly different way to normal, light headed, light bodied, out of control mentally and physically, and when I got to the therapist's I was in a terrible state. At least I was somewhere where I could let it out.

The most scarey thing about it was that I had this really 'dark' feeling come over me, like I wanted to tell the whole world to f--- off, and fight everything, all my feelings, and all the external stimulation. I was suddenly dreadfully unhappy, and I couldn't take anything. In the middle of my session, somebody in the street started playing really loud music and I couldn't think at all whilst it was on, it just got in the way of all my thought processes.

It really scares me, 'cause I feel like I could go mad any minute, and start throwing things about and hitting people, or just screaming. I felt like I was being held against my will. It got more intense and less intense in waves, but really short waves of about 3 mins at a time.

I really don't think I could handle being in a public place if this suddenly happened again, it was hard enough just sat in a room with my therapist.

I've been getting this dark feeling on and off for a few months now, but not as strong as this, although it has made me feel a little bit hostile towards things.

All I'd like to know is, has anybody else felt like this ever?

 

[Da'Burgh]

In my darkest times of DP/DR I have this feeling of hopelessness. I know how this feels. What you gotta do is try your hardest to remember this will pass. Remember that this is just a part of the DP/DR and if you do not try to lift your spirits you aren't going anywhere. Convince yourself that you will be fine, which you will. Nothing threatening is happening to you, your body just trys to trick you into thinking this and gives you unnecessary sensations. That's all they are - sensations. I hope my coping skills are some help. Once you focus on other things and keep your mind busy, you won't think of the DP/DR. I wish you luck and hang in there. :lol:

 

[Da'Burgh]

P.S. You're NOT GOING MAD!

 

[mulder]

It's odd because I've had DR for nearly 2.5 years now, and never had anything this bad happen, and it's only recently I've had the really horrible deep hopelessness suddenly come on and then fade away again. I will do my best to just try and think it away, concentrate on whatever I'm doing at the time and just try to remember what's really going on. Cheers for the advice

 

[Da'Burgh]

The trick is thinking outward and not thinking it away. :wink:

 

[ShyTiger]

hello, thought id respond as i have experienced the anger thing. Its like things you think should just be slightly annoying are triggering overwhelming rage within. I learnt that i suppress all my feelings when they occure and that i think that it builds up and in the end it only takes very small things to set it off. Also when you are really stressed your emotions can go all over the joint. I was at work when it last happened and i wanted to tell everyone to go jump and then wanted to just walk out without saying a word. I was so very angry and it scared me particully as im not used to feeling at all. Im not sure of any therories behind it at this stage or how to handle it when it does occure. I think what Da'Burgh has suggested sounds great. I am thinking id like to do some body work with trying to express anger (and even other emotions) safely and learning not to supress and not to be scared of it. Boxing bag? Drumming? So to give my body an release valve for when its just too full?? Good luck and know you are definatley not alone.