[falling_free]

Does anyone else feel the inabiltiy to go with the flow as you once used to, so for example you know when you can feel the 'flow' as it were with your intution guiding you and you can feel a vibe in the air or get certain vibes or impressions from people???

I find my awareness of the flow or getting impressions of people has left me and I feel all scattered and kind of in pieces, I can detect or observe what the general atmoshpere or mood etc etc of people or groups may be but am unable to go with the flow of anything anymore, I just feel all cut up and seperate though an obserer of the flow.

I have no doubt I often come across as cold , seperate and unfeeling cos of this :|, I find it hard to connect to anyone anymore

 

[falling_free]

I have another example now of feeling less in the moment than before

When I listen to music, instead of the music sounding as if it is simply one flow or stream of music , it all sounds seperate and not together and I get this impression of the time it takes for me to hear music as being stretched out or not as timeless as it should be.

 

[Guest]

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away

your signature quote is just excellent.

 

[Guest]

I know what you mean by flow! It's like everyone else is on one wavelength, but you are on something else. It's like you use to just LIVE life, and things happened around you with ease - like the pieces always came together in a sense. But then with DP?DR, you became disconnected, and actions that you take seem out of place, or forced. and you always feel like you are on the outside. Yes, there is a flow. But it feels like we are not part of it. However, I still think we are part of the flow, but it happens out of our awareness.

 

[falling_free]

your signature quote is just excellent.

Thanks, It's a line from a tool song Schism, a lot of their lyrics are very inspiring to me.

 

[Ben]

falling_free,

This is something I can really equate with - very, very much so as a matter of fact. I am "clinically" diagnosed with ADHD (clinically meaning someone else agrees with me who happens to have a degree - whatever that means. Actually, the guy I'm seeing right now is very good and very nice - I trust his opinion a lot so I shouldn't make light of the counselling experience). Anyway....

As a result of my inability to maintain a healthy distribution of focus on various different things - I either maintain hyper-focus on one thing, or NO focus on anything; it really comes down to one or the other. I have a strong inclination to believe that, personally, my depersonalization/derealization has deep ties to my inability to focus on the moment and root myself, deeply, within it. I always feel as though I'm floating above the situation, so to speak (not in a "snobby" sort of way - you know what I mean) - I always feel as though I am loosely attached to any situation I experience.

When I'm talking to someone, and I see them, I see the whole person; I don't just know what they're saying, but I hear their words, watch their body language, absorb their quirks, etc. In the end I have half-way interpreted what they're saying, half way memorized how they said it, half way internalized their actions, etc. (I always thought I was a good actor, and I attribute that to this "ability"). The point is that I have "whole-way" done nothing.

The rest of the world sees me as somewhat scattered, and possibly less able to think on my feet - or "spacey". I bet this is one of the most frustrating things about this (and, falling_free something tells me you probably are the same way), people see me as distant when I really just don't want to be.

To me, it was always so unbelievably frustrating when people would tell me I needed to slow down and "think". My reaction, inside, was always "I am thinking - I'm thinking more than you, but it's so hard to control it".