[jc]

my dad had a heart attack a couple of years back and now everytime my dad is in pain or feeling depresed my mum tells me its all my fault ,i dont know how to deal with this i feel its totally unfair...ive spent most of the past two years doing everything for him and now his suffering is supposedly all my fault...i cant handle this,can anyone advise

all the best
a very low
jc

 

[Martinelv]

Oh, what a shitter JC. Who said this to you, your mum ?

You can't be held responsible for your illness, let alone your fathers illness. I doubt if a reasonable healthy man wouldn suddenly have a heart attack when learning that their son was ill.

But anyway, we must remember that our parents, who we used to think of as gods, are only human too - and prone to the same agitation, outbursts, rages, depression, anxiety, that we are. The situation is difficult for all of them, not just you, and things are said that are never really meant.

It's hurtfull, I know, but I'm sure she didn't mean it. I'm right there with you with the living with parents thing. Although my parents, while hard on me, have always been supportive with my problems.

 

[jc]

hi martin
i was actually nearly thrown out of the house this week....but one minute im being asked to help out with chores (which i do anyway) and then im being told 'your dad needs his space' its justa mind fuck...
but on a good note ive just been down the local mental health resource centre and landed myself a kitchen job for a few hours a week so they can have there space for a few hours a day....the trouble is this is just adding to my bitterness because when i do eventually get my place i know that the phone is going to soon start ringing with my mum asking if i can come around and help my dad..

now do i act cynical and say 'tough you got what you wanted' or do i pop around here smartish....i might sound bitter but i wish theyd make there minds up..

life sucks big plums eh

 

[jc]

what happened to the job in basingstoke by the way ?

 

[sebastian]

That is ridiculous jc. Like Martin, i can sympathize, as i also live with mommy. One of the biggest mistakes of my life was when i came back from a year in Asia, instead of getting my own place i thought, Hey! Maybe i should just live at Mom's, pay no rent, and write my book. I failed to include the "Insanity" variable in the equation.

The best thing for all of us Mama's boys is to get the hell out of the house as soon as humanly possible. I mean, my Mom is great. She really is. But living under any kind of conditions with people with whom you are unconditionally bound, is just impossible. That's why having kids scares the hell out of me so much. How do you get away?

I feel for you though, jc. But get out...at all costs (says the guy still living with mom :roll: )!

s.

 

[gem]

jc, I am sorry you are having this burden put on you. It is wrong for your family to put this on you. I recently posted that my dad died and I was not wanted by any of the family, I went privately to say my goodbyes. I, like you was blamed for many things that I did not do. My illness they said was hard on the family. I felt terrible inside, I thought god I did not ask to be ill, I tried for years to please this family over and over again and the sad part is I became sicker trying. I finally realized after my father's death that I did the best I could for my family and I could do no more. I know in my heart what kind of a person I am. I will no longer listen the constant put downs of what I did and did not do right. We are only human also. I believe if you are kind to others and you do your best then you have nothing to feel bad about. It is so easy for people to blame others when they are upset. If they would just take a moment and look within their own soul and see that you are their son they should be giving you respect and love not ridicule. jc, the best thing I can say to you is you know who you are and what kind of person you are, and that is all that matters. You cannot please everyone, live your life and put you first, you have to, you are important and the what is most important here is that you know you are not to blame. Please try not to be hard on yourself, I am trying my best now to go through the grieving process and not blame myself and yes it is hard but I know my heart is a good one and that will help me get through this painful time.

gem.

 

[sebastian]

Probably the most effective way to deal with this, jc, is faking your own death, and then "resurrecting". You know how it works...hire some pros to fix your car brakes or something of that ilk, or just so happen to be going to an abandoned warehouse just before a mad arsonist decides to set the place ablaze. Your family will realize how important you are to them, and feel so horrible at how they treated their loved son.

Then, at YOUR funeral, show up looking disheveled and bewildered...BUT unmistakably alive. Rattle off some pretext or another to explain your absence (Amnesia, Nefarious Cowboys, and something about waking up in Mexico are seasoned and viable buzzwords here, although if you want to get imaginative you can let your mind roam wild). It hardly matters what you say. You will be welcomed back like a conquering hero.

"Stay at the house? Psha. Hell, take one of my kidneys while you're at it, my beautiful son." That's what we're looking for here.

s.

 

[jc]

ha ha !
faking my own death wouldnt be a bad thing lol im actually on the housing list here but its catch 22 while im not working i remain on the list but as soon as i start full time work im taken off....its a sorry situation no-one can afford to buy there own place,everyone has to rent,and it just gets me mad as hell...i had to have a serious workout today to release all my anger,infact ive been working out ,cycling,walking just to stay calm....and now ! my mums being nice as pie to me ....i think shes skhizo i seriously do

 

[Martinelv]

what happened to the job in basingstoke by the way ?

What that grea one, six month contract, paying ?250 per day ? That one ? I'll give you two, no, one guess.

 

[jc]

well it could be either redundancy...contract ran out,or late days due to heavy nights

 

[dakotajo]

Jc,

Find your own place. You need to create some seperation from your parents. It will be a healthy move for both you and your parents.

Joe

 

[jc]

Jc,

Find your own place. You need to create some seperation from your parents. It will be a healthy move for both you and your parents.

Joe

your so right,im just racking my brains as to where i can go

 

[Martinelv]

Come live in the gutter with me.

 

[jc]

the gutter could soon be an option

 

[jc]

the hardest part for me what with all this pressure is staying away from the drink...but my sunday meetings help