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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey All...

Recently Ive been feeling really spaced-out, watching myself walk around, not recognising my voice... Believeing I have a brain tumour or some weird brain disease... Even though I had a complete medical a couple of years ago when I felt just like this, by a neurologist, who told me I had DP/DR and panic attacks cause by hyperventilation... (Yeh, my neuro actually recognised it, cool huh?) and I had a blood test a few weeks ago and nothing was found, so I know I should be physically healthy! (Hopefully...)

But last week I started taking St. John's Wart, and some of the Bach's remedy drops (I know they're probably silly, and psychosematic (sp?) but aslong as they make me feel more positive I'm not going to argue... :) )
And, I've realised that I can't be bothered, whatever life is going to throw at me (be that a weird brain disease...) lying under a duvet worrying about it, trying to claw my way back to the surface is making me worse...

So, I've been working a lot, and kind of got a bit worried that maybe I was getting too familiar with work, and starting to get panicky when someone pulled me out of my familiar work surroundings, so I took some time off... I've been getting this weird feeling recently that the most familiar people in my life (Fiance, family) are growing distant and unfamiliar, whereas people who I serve in the shop I work in, who I hardly know, are familiar, it's weird and frightening, sometimes I feel as though I'll wake up in the morning and not recognise anyone... But, I didn't let this get to me, and I went out last night for the first time in ages... To the pub and then bowling - Nothing spectacular, but it was a huge leap and I loved it, gossiping with friends and getting hyper...
Then, today, I drove around 60 miles in the morning, and decided to come home and rest, but started thinking... Well, monitoring... And decided that enough was enough and we got out of the house and drove some more! And I felt so real driving up and down the crowded motorway... When we got to the other end, it was hot and I felt distant and disorientated, and I could have bailed out and asked my fiance to drive home, but I didn't, I got in the car and got home and I felt awesome...

I took Janine's advice from a post I read the other night - When you walk into a room, don't concentrate on the differences, or how you felt in the room yesterday or will tomorrow, find something to do, in my case, play guitar, do a puzzle, go on the internet, ring somebody you haven't spoken to for ages...

The whole experience of today has made me feel more positive and suddenly the familiar people seem more real... I don't know how long it will last, and tomorrow my resolve may crumble and I may have to spend the next few days building it back up, but if it takes 6.9 days of the week of positive thinking and actions to get .1 of the week feeling normal, I'm game!!!

Thanks Janine... If it wants to kill me, it's going to have to go through... me... first!! :)

Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Yep, that is the right approach. SPOT on as those Brits say.

And you realize another VERY important aspect of this: it is not going to be a steady climb. You'll have VERY good days and you will regress right back to what feels like Point Zero. You have not actually gone backwards, it's not linear - it's like weather - a bad storm does not mean that the forecast for the year is now bleak.

It's up and down and in and out and every day is a surprise. It's like a ghost trying to scare you out of the house. NO way to predict whether it will rattle a chain or knock a picture off the wall. But it cannot kill you (it can only say "BOO" very very loudly!)

Wishing you all the best,and stick with it! That's the way out, my dear.


· Registered
525 Posts
Point Zero. Aint that the truth. You cruise along for a couple of days, start noticing a tiny glimpse of recovery then wham?..straight back to point zero, only you feel worse because of the little gain that was made. Anyhow got to keep on trying
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