hello i’m nick and i love live and am extremely scared of death ever since i was a very little kid i remember sitting in the laundry room with my mom and asking her about death and i shouldn’t even of been worrying about that at such a young age. i’ve been physically good my whole life i play football and i’m a sophomore playing on varsity next year and i love the sport so much. last year i had really bad anxiety throughout winter i just had very bad thoughts like i have a heart disease or this food is poisonous so i’m not gonna eat it, but i got through that and was perfectly fine but ever sense winter started everything went down hill from here. i smoked weed about 4 times and it was the most stupidest descion of my whole life and i will never do drugs again because it’s not for me but the first 3 times i was completely fine, than the 4th one i had a major panic attack because my friend threw up everywhere and my mom found out i was high and i had a major panic attack. i was normal the whole day after and than i was in the store with my mom and i felt really disconnected from everything and forgot what i was doing and freaked out this only lasted for about a week and i was normal. than about 3 weeks later it was really bad and i didn’t even know what dr was until i saw it online and knew immediately i had it. i’ve had panic attacks for a few days in a row but i’ve been able to control them sense but everything is really weird nothing looks normal and nothing feels normal. when i’m at school all i do is overthink a lot and think i’m dying or this is some rare disease and it’s killing me slowly, but it’s not that bad in the days everything feels weird but i can concentrate but at night it is so much worse i look at my phone and it looks so foggy i blank out and can’t remember what i was thinking, doing or saying 2 seconds ago. i feel good when i play video and watch youtube videos that makes me feel normal but i feel so disconnected from my thoughts and the world and really hate living like this. i’m going to see a therapist in 2 days and i hope it goes good.
