Depersonalization Support Forum banner

Back to life

1178 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Ben
So after 4 months of dealing with this and hiding away in this forum and my house, I am getting back to my life. I don't want to, but its what has to be done. I am going back to volunteer work in a few weeks, and when september comes I will go back to finish up school. So maybe this is it, how I feel for the rest of my life. Well life ins't fair for anyone I have always known that. Am I completely heartbroken and scared, well of course. I want to feel peace and comfort in my own skin. I want to look at my loved ones and feel complete connection and ease. I will continue with the antidepressant and maybe try therapy again (but I doubt it). I'll sleep better, eat right, exercise, and take care of myself. but do you want the real truth?

When a car cuts out in front of me and nearly hits me yeah I slam on my brakes, but what I'm thinking is to bad it wasn't a fatal crash. When there was a tornado warning a few weeks ago, I didn't go down stairs, I was hoping it would just take me away. I know, I know, this is just not how a Rainbow princess should think or behave. Maybe I am a bit of a fraud, but we all are. I give up and I am going to accept this feeling and just live the best that I can with it. I know this is depressing and I am sorry, I just needed to put something real out there.
1 - 1 of 9 Posts
It's tough, it's really, really tough! But you have to do it. I know how futile it seems at times and what you're about to do may be the best thing for recovery. If it's any help I to feel the despair where it gets is so bad that I'm actually grateful that there is such a thing as death which will definitely bring an end to the problem. But as you pass through the bad and feel some respite you're back to a place where you feel more determined to keep going but it's still hard. I woke up this morning and felt almost ok but the anxiety came back a little after and I started feeling down again. Each morning after I park the car I walk 10mins to the office and during the walk I keep wanting to turn back and go home but I force myself to go. Just one more minute, must get through the next hour, don't let this beat you...and the battle goes on for most of the day. Some days are ok, some days are bad and then some days are hell but you must keep reminding your self that there will be times when the feelings are not so bad.

Rainboteers you sound like a real nice person and I hope that this change helps you. Just remember that others here are going through the same challenges each day and we do understand your situation. Take care and I hope you get back into your skin soon.
See less See more
1 - 1 of 9 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.