Back to life

1180 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by Ben, Jul 6, 2005

rainboteers

Discussion Starter · Jul 5, 2005

So after 4 months of dealing with this and hiding away in this forum and my house, I am getting back to my life. I don't want to, but its what has to be done. I am going back to volunteer work in a few weeks, and when september comes I will go back to finish up school. So maybe this is it, how I feel for the rest of my life. Well life ins't fair for anyone I have always known that. Am I completely heartbroken and scared, well of course. I want to feel peace and comfort in my own skin. I want to look at my loved ones and feel complete connection and ease. I will continue with the antidepressant and maybe try therapy again (but I doubt it). I'll sleep better, eat right, exercise, and take care of myself. but do you want the real truth?

When a car cuts out in front of me and nearly hits me yeah I slam on my brakes, but what I'm thinking is to bad it wasn't a fatal crash. When there was a tornado warning a few weeks ago, I didn't go down stairs, I was hoping it would just take me away. I know, I know, this is just not how a Rainbow princess should think or behave. Maybe I am a bit of a fraud, but we all are. I give up and I am going to accept this feeling and just live the best that I can with it. I know this is depressing and I am sorry, I just needed to put something real out there.

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Ben

· #4 · Jul 5, 2005

Heh, rainboteers, welcome to the road of recovery. You don't believe me, but it's after you start feeling yourself go, "What the hell...life is here and it still feels funky but I'm just going to live it" that things start getting better.

Another recommendation, and take this as only a matter of opinion, don't try to hide yourself too much on this board. Let yourself out a bit, I think it's good for us all....

Stand up, realize life is really, really weird, and just live it - simply live it. Man, it is the strangest thing that we're all here, it's just the most bizarre thing. But, you are here, that can't be denied (you are aware, right?) so - what are you to do but live it? Just live it.

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Ben

· #9 · Jul 6, 2005

Person3 and all,

No, I seriously believe our state is brought on by our inability to want recognize that what we experience is real, or brought on by our inability to accept what we experience as real, or some variation thereof. We all banter around the thoughts, from time to time, that it's all an avoidance tactic by our minds, some fancy trick to seperate ourselves from the painful realities around us. Stop for a minute and think about the universe - all that exists around us and all that we just don't know (and therefore, all that we just can't trust), it's overwhelming, frightening and sometimes "just too much". The world packs a mighty punch at times, but it's best to simply ride on.

Okay have I made anyone sick yet? Sorry I am feeling all mushy and inspriational.

...I think it's 'cause you're reaching the end of the DP and you're starting to see daylight. I remember when I first felt life again - it was spring and I was driving around in my car. A snow had just hit Lincoln the night before (the town where I live), and the sun was melting it all. Thrown about there were little blue and red flowers flickering. There was this cold chill in the air and warm sun hitting me - it was amazing. I felt like running around and hugging everyone, it was like someone put me on X or something.

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