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Back to life

1179 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Ben
So after 4 months of dealing with this and hiding away in this forum and my house, I am getting back to my life. I don't want to, but its what has to be done. I am going back to volunteer work in a few weeks, and when september comes I will go back to finish up school. So maybe this is it, how I feel for the rest of my life. Well life ins't fair for anyone I have always known that. Am I completely heartbroken and scared, well of course. I want to feel peace and comfort in my own skin. I want to look at my loved ones and feel complete connection and ease. I will continue with the antidepressant and maybe try therapy again (but I doubt it). I'll sleep better, eat right, exercise, and take care of myself. but do you want the real truth?

When a car cuts out in front of me and nearly hits me yeah I slam on my brakes, but what I'm thinking is to bad it wasn't a fatal crash. When there was a tornado warning a few weeks ago, I didn't go down stairs, I was hoping it would just take me away. I know, I know, this is just not how a Rainbow princess should think or behave. Maybe I am a bit of a fraud, but we all are. I give up and I am going to accept this feeling and just live the best that I can with it. I know this is depressing and I am sorry, I just needed to put something real out there.
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Ben said:

You don't believe me, but it's after you start feeling yourself go, "What the is here and it still feels funky but I'm just going to live it" that things start getting better.
and I just thought that was awfully helpful. thanks!

it makes me think too...our non-acceptance of DP is kind of symbolic of maybe the way we don't accept other things in the world, and because we don't accept those things that's how we got dp in the first place.

or it could have just been the enchiladas. damn mexican food these days...crazy!
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