[katiej]

Hey ! So finally gotten to the bottem after on and off a million years with dp. There was an abuse that happened to be as a kid. Anyway . Finally realised that it is all because of this incident that i learned how to dissociate..
Anyway. My reason for posting today was because I am looking for some comfort and maybe someone to relate.

I currently feel like im panicking because i do not feel like i belong here. I look at my mom and think when did you put me here ?.. And i have my own daughter. But i am still so confused and scared. Somehow i feel like because my mom had me that means i am not me or my own person? I keep askin ridiculous things like when did you transfer me here? like when exactly did I arrive here. am i supposed to be here./ is this ,my own brain!? Bae in mind i have had this before and recovered many times. Going on about 8 weeks this time following a diagnosis of autism for my daughter. My therepist says i do this when i want to get away from my life... i can understand that. however. help me gt back someone! i keep being told calm down your panic and this will all go away which i know is true but cant seem to do. Probably because i feel so sad once i calm down and im not dissociated. is this making sense to anyone? im addicted to dp! and its a crappy relationship that im addicted to as it only debilitates me and my family.

 

[NoDevils]

Would you describe these thoughts as philosophical rumination? That's a common feature of DP.

I think we need to be psychologically independent from our mothers. We can rely on our mothers and other family members for many types of support but the ability to be psychologically okay is best when we cultivate it through various positive relationships with ourselves and our communities. From the sound of it your current relationship with yourself is you're worrying about various philosophical problems, and you're perhaps a little bit detached from others. This detachment can be a protective mechanism, which is maybe what your therapist meant when they said you're addicted to it.

In my own life I've noticed my family are triggers, even when they're behaving acceptably towards me. They remind me of the abuse and psychodrama I endured under their care, and how I was like a lost child then.

I believe autism is caused by genetic and social factors though the science on this is maybe not so conclusive. I'm not a scientist.

 

[saken]

sorry to hear you still suffering this but as ive written to other people my DP disappeared when i quit a lot of stressors in my life. shitty job. moved from my country and took care of some trauma from my childhood.

i think you should get trauma therapy and build up yourself again. trauma is horrendous to carry around without treating. you need to release that trauma to let yourself calm down but also love yourself again. trauma, guilt and shame etc.

 

[saken]

This I wrote 2018 and I still havent had a relapse of any sort. Just worked more on my trauma from childhood to fix bad self-esteem and shame.

"Had severe DP for almost 2 years, maybe more I do not remember. Just remembered this site and wanted to tell you that I am also "recovered" now. I say "recovered" because this is not a disease, you are not damaged. It is a state of mind / response that just has gone into a loop. At least in my case, so bear in mind that this does not apply to everyone.

My DP started after a panic attack I got when smoking weed with friends. I was living in Valencia, Spain at that time and it was nearing the end of my six month stay. During this time I had partied, a lot, drinking like every day, cocaine and smoking weed.

After this attack I was convinced I had done some harm to either my body or brain. Examples:

• Psychosis
• Going crazy (due to having thought weird thoughts or having weird dreams during my life)
• Pure and existential OCD
• Brain tumor

This haunted me 24/7. I was checking everything, analyzing everything I had done during my entire life, looking for stuff that could explain this.

This led to a lot of stress and anxiety. This became the fuel that kept my DP going, and I did not know what it was and I found no answer so I got even more scared and anxious - a constant loop of fear and anxiety. I had all the symptoms, some symptoms were so fucked up you can not imagine. I will not specify these ones, I know how receptive you are and how easy you can reproduce symptoms when the brain is in this loop. I do not wish this on my worst enemy - well maybe, I do :razz:

I can give an example that is not that rough:

I remember when I was freaking out about the floaters, I still have them, in fact everyone has them and they are just protein in the back of your eye. The state I was in made me so aware of everything that I noticed them all the time. Today I can look at a white surface and follow them when they float around in my vision and I laugh at how scared I was of it. Before, this created so much DP for me.

After two years I finally did some major changes that dramatically improved how I felt.

I stopped checking. No Google, no DPselfhelp.com, no talking about my symptoms to family and friends, nothing. Total disconnection.

It was hard as fuck to not constantly use the checking as a safety zone, but after I while the fog lifted and I started feeling way better.

Today I get spells of it if I have slept bad or been drinking heavily the day before but that is perfectly normal. I have not had a panic attack in 6-7 years. The thing with the nervous system is that it remembers, so when I get stressed and anxious - does not matter the reason - it goes into the defense mechanism of DP more easily than other people.

I just something I have to accept. It is like twisting your ankle, you are more prone to do it the more it happens. The thing is that a lot of people I know has this, but they do not get scared of it and create a horrible cycle of it - Neither do I anymore and it disappears after a few minutes.

Today I know a lot more about myself and why I do certain things. I have an issue with neediness for attention, doubting my emotions and trust. This is due to dysfunctional upbringing and rejection in my childhood / teenage from loved ones and other people. Sometimes it feels very unfair and I am very angry with how things have been during my life. Lastly I have a huge issue with the thought of death, it terrifies me. So I still have a lot to work on but DP as a disorder, is 100% gone. I did not take any medication, I tried some CBT for a few weeks though.

I guess I have been prone to this all my life.

My tips are:

1. Understand that anxiety can create a ton of strange symptoms and thoughts.

2. Stop Google and never visit this site again.

3. Forgive yourself for things you have done and weird thoughts you might have had.

4. No alcohol or nicotine for a time - let your brain rest.

5. Go to the gym or go running. Activate your body to get rid of stress.

6. If you feel stressed about your job and it makes you feel sick, psychically / mentally. Quit straight away.

7. End bad relationships, friends who you actually do not like. Also cut down the contact with family who annoys or stresses you.

8. No weed, period.

9. Do not look for a magic or quick fix like herbal tea, vitamin pills or some treatment. It does not exist.

10. Time

For me DP was just my brain's way of saying

- Calm the fuck down, I am done and need some rest. "