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Hello all, I am back to this delightful site. Why? Well I wanted to have another smoke sesh again and had a panic attack. I know that was obviously a VERY stupid thing of me to do, but my story is worth taking a note... without further ado, I will give a short rundown on my story

To start out with some background information, I am 20 years old. I had smoked multiple times in my younger years, like 15 or something. My first time high, I freaked out a little at first and enjoyed the high. This is how it was every time I smoked while I was that age (maybe 4 or 5 times max). I then moved and took a break from smoking. I decided to light up again when I was 18 and it was similar to my first time smoking... I flipped out for the first hour and the second to third hour I was happy as can be. Life returned back to normal. I understand that my first time smoking and when I was 18 I was in the DP/DR state of mind, but acutely for an hour or such. It went away like the 98% of the population that experiences this.

Round 1: November 2017 - August 2018

When I went to college later that year, I decided to try an edible (19 at the time). Now something that I didn't know is that edibles are similar to smoking; but waaaay stronger, last longer, and should be eaten in consideration. I ended up eating half of the thing, felt nothing and decided to eat the other half 30 minutes in. About 20 minutes after I ate the second half, my life flipped upside down. I had the worst panic attack I have ever had. I thought that I was dying and went to the ER. Genius me decided to look up why I still felt high for DAYS (you all know the feeling). I later found out that edibles are similar to other worse drugs like LSD and even experienced smokers sometimes stay away from them. I was hoping that it was just the brownie in my system still and I would "come down" eventually. I also passed out during my trip, and thought that since I went to bed feeling that way then I would be like that for a while. Lol. Long story short... I got stuck with my first bout of DP/DR.

It took me about 9 months to what I consider to be full recovery. It felt more like 9 years at the time, but towards the end time flew by like "normal speed". I was on this site nonstop at first trying to figure out the special "cure". I eventually didn't care and got used to the feelings of DP/DR and spent less and less time on this site thinking about it. I don't really remember when or how I recovered, but it felt great. I don't even think that I noticed my recovery to be honest. Anywho, a friend asked me to smoke with him and then a flashback occurred to my worst days. I actually decided to smoke with him as an experiment to see what would happen. I smoked and at first (again) I felt paranoid. Afterwards it got better (like usual) and I really felt like I connected with my inner self. I concluded that I was 100% recovered after that high. I am not sure if smoking that day made me recover completely, or just realize that I was recovered but life felt perfect and I felt like a new man comfortable in my own skin.

Recovered: August 2018 - March 2019

As I said before, after I smoked and had a good high I felt myself and comfortable in my own skin. I had a good grasp on my anxiety and still found myself nervous in situations, but it was all NORMAL for me. I felt back to myself and honestly forgot about almost everything that happened during those painful months. I continued to smoke a few times within 2 months after I recovered and had the classic "good, happy, high". The reason why pot is so enjoyable.

Round 2: March 2019 - ?

About a week ago, I felt a little down and just not content with life and FORGOT what DP/DR even felt like - just like anyone else who smoked again and didn't learn their lesson. I thought that smoking would bring me up like it has many times, but again I had a panic attack. Time went by slow and I tried to convince myself to have a good high, but I honestly lost touch of reality and found myself in this pt. 2. This time, I am in a mixed state of mine though. I feel as if it is a whole new experience to me again, but at the same time I feel as if I already know the ins and outs to this and how to overcome it again. I am 110% confident in myself that I can come through this again. I find myself dwelling on having this again for half of the time, and the other half I am like "whatever, It isn't a big deal" and as expected when I feel that way I feel a tad back into reality. I am honestly hoping this time will not take as long as the last time I had this, because I feel like I already have the experience and knowledge to get over it with everything that has worked for me.

Anyways, that my story and an update as of now. I will give updates periodically if anybody has any questions or something, but I try to go back to the "refraining" myself from this site because it fuels anxiety. If you want to chat, PM me and ask for my snapchat.

cheers
 

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Yeah weed is pretty wild, edibles are way different than smoking and i wish id known that my first time trying them a few years ago. Pretty sure the thc "opened up" my mind at the time but my dpdr didnt come CRONICALLY till after a traumatic event and i even tried edibles again right after the event because i was convinced the previous trip never happened and boy was that a dumb decision as it reopened my mind and made my dpdr way way worse for a long time after. Each high ive had, had been borderline hallucinagenic and terrifying so i stay away from the stuff at all costs personally.
 
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