[coco33]

Gosh its been ages since ive posted....but i have a good excuse :lol: . I had another one of those lovely nervous breakdowns that more or less disables me from doing about anything. After 6months med. free im now on double the dose of Effexor xl than i was previous to this. I also give up on trying to be religious as it scared the total crap out of me when i was in the middle of that hellish place. :evil: ....so no more reading the bible and ringing American pray lines in the middle of the night for me.

Anyway it took another breakdown to happen before i got some real help....which of course im paying for, because thats the only way i can seem to get some sort of decent help. But believe me he is worth every penny and to my dismay im slowly but surely falling for him......i know what you will all say but he is the only person that seems to have sympathy for me and understands me and i cant help but be drawn to him..... i so want to drop a hint but im guessing he will drop me then where will i be.

My sessions with him are going well and ive been diag. as having GAD with a touch of OCD and perfectionism which comes from being emotionally abused as a child......parents can really f**k you up, cant they!

Ive been having EMDR therapy and CBT which is fun and i really look forward to my sessions each week.

So anyhow thats all i cant be bothered to postanymore at this time as im knackered and its way to late so i guess i just wanted to pop in and say hi again and hope you all are keeping ok.

Nite x

 

[Sojourner]

So if you know you are kidding yourself and you are getting sicker, not better, and you know what people will say, why are you posting?

If you "fall" for him you are heading for a drop that you may never recover from. I am warning you -- get out or don't come crying back here. You obviously know better but are going to pursue him anyway. I have no sympathy for someone who is aware they are playing with fire and continues to set up a conflagration.

Am I being cruel? No, actually, I'm telling you the truth. You've been coddling yourself for too long. Stop it and get a female therapist.

 

[coco33]

Perhaps you have never heard of client therapist relationships...of course people feel close to their therapist, its pretty common as a matter of fact.
As for pursuing him.......do you think im nuts, im in a relationship with two kids and my therapist is twice my age. Perhaps you need to work a little on your sense of humour cause it sure seems to me like you aint got any.

As for your sympathy i sure a hell dont want it

There are plenty of people on this board who are here to help people so maybe if your not hear to help others perhaps you are on the wrong board.

 

[Sojourner]

You said nothing about "client therapist relationships" and you know it. In fact, you said, "...and to my dismay im slowly but surely falling for him......i know what you will all say but he is the only person that seems to have sympathy for me and understands me and i cant help but be drawn to him..... i so want to drop a hint but im guessing he will drop me then where will i be."

Actually, yes, I did think you were nuts for writing the above -- why do you think I responded as I did?

You have to take responsibility for what you say and stop blaming people who respond to your actual words. I'm not a mind-reader. I don't know anything about you. You got the response from me that your words demanded.

 

[Sojourner]

And while you're at it, coconut, look at your topic title and try using the space between your ears for something other than insulting the intelligence of people who are trying to help you.

 

[Lilymoonchild]

I don't know anything about your past or where you're coming from, but I do have a suggestion for you. As far as "dropping a hint" to your therapist that you are falling for him, bad idea. You're asking for trouble. Keeping it to yourself can also be damaging, though, because it could just keep you living in your head, which doesn't help you. IF you believe it would help you to work through things in a healthy way, go ahead and flat out tell your therapist you are attracted to him. But not with the hope that he will return your affection. If he says he can't continue his professional relationship with you at that point, fine, ask him to recommend a colleague he respects. If he tries to hit on you, run like hell and report him, because a therapist who would take advantage of a patient like that has more issues than most of his patients. The other possible option is that he asks you why, and tries to help you work through your need to attatch yourself to those in a position to help you.
Like Sojourner said, though, a woman therapist might not be a bad idea, especially if you have had issues with male therapists in the past. If, like me, you have issues with women and don't know if you could work with one, a gay man could also be an excellent option, and if you asked around, it shouldn't be that hard to find one.

 

[Sojourner]

Enig,

Have you read this?

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/

 

[Guest]

Sojourner, what is the MATTER with you, being so rude? :?

 

[ShyTiger]

Sorry i have to agree with Wendy here. I read cocofox's post and it seemed to me she was just venting. I actually didnt see any request for advice there. I found your reply sojourner to be very insulting for really no apparent reason. This board is for learning and yes i believe venting as it does help sometimes just to get things off your chest.
Coco i also like what lilymoon said about working things through with him. It is very common to fall for your therapist as you get to be quite intamate with them in reguards to sharing your innermost thoughts ect. It is a normal response but you need to keep in mind that this is his job. i am glad you have found someone who is working for you. and again i think lilymoon has put it wonderfully so i second her post!

 

[coco33]

SOJOURNER WROTE

And while you're at it, coconut, look at your topic title and try using the space between your ears for something other than insulting the intelligence of people who are trying to help you.
_________________
Sojourner

Its obvious that your not on this board to supply sympathy, support and understanding to people who have not been well.
I do indeed have a nice warm feeling towards my therapist as he so far has been the only person in my life who has listened and understood me and having someone like that in my life is helping towards my recovery. I am not so stupid as to actually say this to my therapist as i am fully aware that it would terminate my relationship with him.
As for being nuts or as you so kindly called me coconut ( seems to me like you must have been one of those schoolground bullies in your hayday). ....i dare say that you should be pretty careful when using insults like this on the board as a lot of people like myself are pretty sensitive when it comes to words like this....as im sure people people who have experienced DP and mental breakdowns dont appreciate your choice of vocabulary.
I have been bullied my whole life by my father and i certainly dont need to come on this board to be bullied by you.

 

[coco33]

Thankyou Wendy my words precisely..........

 

[Sojourner]

Coco,
You said you were falling for him. You said you were in "luv" ... You're being dishonest about what you initially wrote. Fine. You won't ever get better with an attitude like that.

 

[terri*]

Hi CoCo,

It was good to see you stopping back by the old homeplace. You did know what most people would say when you posted that you were having an infactuation with your shrink. No, definitely not very positive as infactuations tend to consume us and would not leave the room you need to do your actual work.

I'm sure you also did not expect someone to come on here and slap the sh$t out of you, either. :evil:

Sojourner, honesty is admirable. Seemingly verbally attacking someone under the guise of assisting them is not. Finesse is not only admirable, but a bit more appropriate when trying to help someone work thru such a delicate situation. CoCo has been a member here and thought she knew what to expect when she came back to report her news. I'm sure she did so because she did infact want to be told it was inappropriate. Noone really warrants such strong reactions, even if you are trying to save them from themselves...IMO.

Cocofox, a change is probably in order. I hope it all works out for you.
JeezyPeezy :roll: ,
terri

 

[Sojourner]

Terri,

Yes, perhaps I was overly rough with her... and I probably would have apologized for it had she not tried to say she didn't say she was falling in love with her therapist or any of the rest of it. I don't think it's helping her to reinforce patterns of deception and dishonesty about her behavior.

 

[terri*]

"I don't think it's helping her to reinforce patterns of deception and dishonesty about her behavior."

Okay group, listen up, there will be no positive rewards for negative behavior.

Got it?

Coco, come here and get yer spankin'.

:lol:

 

[Ben]

Coco, come here and get yer spankin'.

Woah, now you got my interest in this thread.

 

[person3]

dude...

i can see where sojourner is coming from.

not because he has a right to be mean or whatever

but his original reply seemed dead on to ME because I did NOT pick up on the sarcasm either.

Cocofox, if you were wanting to be sarcastic, you should have used some emoticons or a "j/k" or a warning or something. We can't tell what someone means just by seeing a sentence that may or may not be sarcastic.

Also, considering that another member of the board (it should be damn obvious) WROTE A BOOK DESCRIBING HOW SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HER THERAPIST, then these things can get taken a little seriously. It has happened before, so who is to know whether you were just playing around or being dead serious?

And then, Sojourner didn't even say anything "mean" in his first post, to which YOU replied with:

Perhaps you need to work a little on your sense of humour cause it sure seems to me like you aint got any.

As for your sympathy i sure a hell dont want it

There are plenty of people on this board who are here to help people so maybe if your not hear to help others perhaps you are on the wrong board.

guess what? that's pretty mean! if I had heard someone tell me that I'd get a bit pissed too! I could have said something offering serious advice if you were actually having strong feelings for your therapist but I didn't, and I'm sure as hell glad I didn't.

And then YOU are the victim because sojourner was so mean to you? You were the one that snapped at him first!

Again, I would think totally different of this whole thing if I had never read Janine's book, but because I have read in that book of a case where someone had strong feelings for their thrapist and that because of the good judgement of their therapist they were saved from crossing an extremely damaging line, I can see the reason why someone would want to reply so strongly!

 

[jen]

not that i want to stir shit up but here's my story..

coco- i am going through exactly the same thing. i am in "luv" with my therapist (yes, probably luv with a u). he has done so much for me psychologically and i always feel better after speaking to him. i know thats not just transferrence. the man is talented. there is NO way i can switch therapists. he "gets" me.

anyway, my hands are tied. part of me enjoys our growing closeness. the other part is fearful of it because it resembles...eeek... my relationship with my father.

(man was that hard to say)

 

[Guest]

Person3, a reality check here: dont switch the wrongdoing onto cocofox, its obvious that this:

And then YOU are the victim because sojourner was so mean to you? You were the one that snapped at him first!

is what Sojourner was doing with Cocofox. Dont turn things around. We know that trick.
Sojourner had no reason to attack Cocofox. Period.

 

[Guest]

Also, its perfectly normal to fall in love with your therapist, been there done that. I dont see anything alarming in it. It can even be a good thing that this happens. One can work through all kinds of stuff connected with this falling in love. Its usually a very strong desire of love that has never been met in the clients life.
But maybe I can see this as a good thing because I have very good experiences with therapists. I see falling in love with your therapist as a positive thing. But not every therapist is good and can/will handle this well (can take advantage of it). So, be carefull out there! 8)