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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I found this site a few days ago and thought about making an account since it might help me to get some feedback and different opinions. I try to make it short.

Im in my mid twenties. Suffering under a severe DP/DR since 9 years. Had to drop out of two schools, since I couldnt concentrate anymore. Never had a job, a gf and for about 6 years no real life friends and social contacts besides my family.

The Doctors in my first clinic thought I had a psychosis when I was 18, which I knew was wrong since I had my own theories about the cause and never really felt that a psychosis would be accurate. I had to give in tho, and so I took strong psychosis medication for 4 years everyday.

The doctors in my second clinic four years later told me I dont suffer under psychosis and dropped the medication from one day to the other. They still had no clue and tried out alot of different medications over the next 10 weeks.

Since my main doctor made a presentation about me as a patient and my sickness infront of 30 people, some had the idea it could be DP. They gave me a test to fill out and it was pretty much confirmed. From there I traveled a few hundred kilometers to go into another clinic which was rather specialised in dp. It was really interesting meeting so many people with the "same" problem but it was obvious that the cause for the majority of people lies beneath.

Most people had to cope with negative feelings they couldnt deal with and the DP happened. I figured that DP is just a coping symptom for alot of people (not saying all) which makes you numb to the negative feelings so you dont have to suffer. Ironically we all suffer more with it.

The doctor in this clinic diagnosed me with avoidant personality disorder comined with social anxiety and depression caused by all of it. It was the only diagnosis or theory I supported a 100% after almost a decade.

Once I read up about it, I was really suprised since the articles pretty much described my persona and behaviour which was just caused by my personality disorder. I asked myself so many times as a kid whats wrong with me and why Im so different. Questioning myself if others feel the same way only to realise again and again that this was not the case.

Im isolating myself because of it. More now since it caused the DP. I feel like I dont wanna be myself since it makes me feel this way. I feel like I cant be myself and at the same time dont have these feelings, its a part of me. Because of it I had to depersonalize myself from my persona. I also had to escape from the reality which makes me feel so uncomfortable. People around me, watching me, judging me, I couldnt take it.

I want to be confident, strong, fearless but Im not. I dont wanna go back. Some of these feelings dont make sense, they are not logic and they shouldnt be. I cant accept my disorder. I want to be myself but not with these horrible emotions. This is the reason Im stuck in this and dont get out.

I dont have good or bad days. I feel like Im dreaming for the last decade just waiting to wake up. Stuck in some kind of limbo.

Therapists seem clouless. They dont understand and cant take it serious. Im trying my best to deliver informations without getting too emotional, because of that it apparently doesnt seem too bad for other people. Recommending me to go out and socialise, getting a job and take some anti depression pill. Ive gone through all of that tho, made my experiences it doesnt work, impossible.

I read alot that people say it will go away eventually. In my case I dont believe it one bit. The only thing I have left now is to go from one therapists to another.

I usually dont whine or bother other people with my issues, but I felt the time was right.
 

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I found this site a few days ago and thought about making an account since it might help me to get some feedback and different opinions. I try to make it short.

Im in my mid twenties. Suffering under a severe DP/DR since 9 years. Had to drop out of two schools, since I couldnt concentrate anymore. Never had a job, a gf and for about 6 years no real life friends and social contacts besides my family.

The Doctors in my first clinic thought I had a psychosis when I was 18, which I knew was wrong since I had my own theories about the cause and never really felt that a psychosis would be accurate. I had to give in tho, and so I took strong psychosis medication for 4 years everyday.
The doctors in my second clinic four years later told me I dont suffer under psychosis and dropped the medication from one day to the other. They still had no clue and tried out alot of different medications over the next 10 weeks.

Since my main doctor made a presentation about me as a patient and my sickness infront of 30 people, some had the idea it could be DP. They gave me a test to fill out and it was pretty much confirmed. From there I traveled a few hundred kilometers to go into another clinic which was rather specialised in dp. It was really interesting meeting so many people with the "same" problem but it was obvious that the cause for the majority of people lies beneath.
Most people had to cope with negative feelings they couldnt deal with and the DP happened. I figured that DP is just a coping symptom for alot of people (not saying all) which makes you numb to the negative feelings so you dont have to suffer. Ironically we all suffer more with it.

The doctor in this clinic diagnosed me with avoidant personality disorder comined with social anxiety and depression caused by all of it. It was the only diagnosis or theory I supported a 100% after almost a decade.
Once I read up about it, I was really suprised since the articles pretty much described my persona and behaviour which was just caused by my personality disorder. I asked myself so many times as a kid whats wrong with me and why Im so different. Questioning myself if others feel the same way only to realise again and again that this was not the case.

Im isolating myself because of it. More now since it caused the DP. I feel like I dont wanna be myself since it makes me feel this way. I feel like I cant be myself and at the same time dont have these feelings, its a part of me. Because of it I had to depersonalize myself from my persona. I also had to escape from the reality which makes me feel so uncomfortable. People around me, watching me, judging me, I couldnt take it.

I want to be confident, strong, fearless but Im not. I dont wanna go back. Some of these feelings dont make sense, they are not logic and they shouldnt be. I cant accept my disorder. I want to be myself but not with these horrible emotions. This is the reason Im stuck in this and dont get out.

I dont have good or bad days. I feel like Im dreaming for the last decade just waiting to wake up. Stuck in some kind of limbo.

Therapists seem clouless. They dont understand and cant take it serious. Im trying my best to deliver informations without getting too emotional, because of that it apparently doesnt seem too bad for other people. Recommending me to go out and socialise, getting a job and take some anti depression pill. Ive gone through all of that tho, made my experiences it doesnt work, impossible.

I read alot that people say it will go away eventually. In my case I dont believe it one bit. The only thing I have left now is to go from one therapists to another.

I usually dont whine or bother other people with my issues, but I felt the time was right.
Hello
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this hell for so long. I have been suffering from it for 6 months and I can't even imagine what 9 years feels like. I also had this when I was a teen and I recovered with no medication and lived a very good life until this hell came again. With that said I don't think you should lose hope. You can recover even if right now it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. My advice to you (and I know this is hard trust me) is that you should really start forcing yourself to socialize and start getting back to reality. Make a daily routine and meet up with someone to chat or anything even if it feels horrific. Do some exercise, yoga, meditation, walks, and so on. I know this won't cure it but it will help. When this started for me I couldn't get out my bed and function for 2 weeks until I started forcing myself to do my regular routine. Now 6 months later I can function but I am still in hell. I believe we have to retrain our brains to be normal again. I also believe that our brains have an imbalance that needs to be fixed with the right medication. I am not on any right now but I am hoping my new psychiatrist comes up with a plan to completely get me out this hell.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hello
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this hell for so long. I have been suffering from it for 6 months and I can't even imagine what 9 years feels like. I also had this when I was a teen and I recovered with no medication and lived a very good life until this hell came again. With that said I don't think you should lose hope. You can recover even if right now it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. My advice to you (and I know this is hard trust me) is that you should really start forcing yourself to socialize and start getting back to reality. Make a daily routine and meet up with someone to chat or anything even if it feels horrific. Do some exercise, yoga, meditation, walks, and so on. I know this won't cure it but it will help. When this started for me I couldn't get out my bed and function for 2 weeks until I started forcing myself to do my regular routine. Now 6 months later I can function but I am still in hell. I believe we have to retrain our brains to be normal again. I also believe that our brains have an imbalance that needs to be fixed with the right medication. I am not on any right now but I am hoping my new psychiatrist comes up with a plan to completely get me out this hell.
hey man. Socialising triggers my dp the most but otherwise I agree with you.

I worked already on my daily routine. Im also working out 4 times a week, helping out my dad if he needs me on regular etc. But it doesnt change the fact that Im sitting 90% of the day infront of my PC either playing games or browsing. Videogames have been a passion all my life but DP sucked out any happiness which was left and every hobby became pretty much just a distraction.

When I was in the last clinic I had no PC/media access for 4 weeks and my DP got better. Im just not sure how to deal with it since even a walk for an hour will end up me sitting in my apartment for the rest of the day.

I really feel the isolation and the media is making/keeping it worse. But I dont know what to do with my time. The reason I survived all these years was pretty much because of distraction.

I know its not the solution anyways but I know it would help me a little bit.

thanks for the input.
 

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I had avoidant personality as well, would spend most of my time playing mmos rather than spending time with friends and appreciating them, being more active, etc.....I've had dp for 9 years too, and I still struggle. I know I experienced it because of lack of socializing, my first job....all of the anxiety that came from it. I also still believe my withdrawal from Lexapro may have been a variable. I'll always feel resentful of that drug. I've continually been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Anyway I completely understand how you feel and feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk further about it. I'm sorry you've been experiencing this pain too =[
 

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I had avoidant personality as well, would spend most of my time playing mmos rather than spending time with friends and appreciating them, being more active, etc.....I've had dp for 9 years too, and I still struggle. I know I experienced it because of lack of socializing, my first job....all of the anxiety that came from it. I also still believe my withdrawal from Lexapro may have been a variable. I'll always feel resentful of that drug. I've continually been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Anyway I completely understand how you feel and feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk further about it. I'm sorry you've been experiencing this pain too =[
You have it for 9 years without a break? Anything that makes you feel better? I had this for 6 months and I don't know how I am still here. It's horrific!
 
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