I found this site a few days ago and thought about making an account since it might help me to get some feedback and different opinions. I try to make it short.
Im in my mid twenties. Suffering under a severe DP/DR since 9 years. Had to drop out of two schools, since I couldnt concentrate anymore. Never had a job, a gf and for about 6 years no real life friends and social contacts besides my family.
The Doctors in my first clinic thought I had a psychosis when I was 18, which I knew was wrong since I had my own theories about the cause and never really felt that a psychosis would be accurate. I had to give in tho, and so I took strong psychosis medication for 4 years everyday.
The doctors in my second clinic four years later told me I dont suffer under psychosis and dropped the medication from one day to the other. They still had no clue and tried out alot of different medications over the next 10 weeks.
Since my main doctor made a presentation about me as a patient and my sickness infront of 30 people, some had the idea it could be DP. They gave me a test to fill out and it was pretty much confirmed. From there I traveled a few hundred kilometers to go into another clinic which was rather specialised in dp. It was really interesting meeting so many people with the "same" problem but it was obvious that the cause for the majority of people lies beneath.
Most people had to cope with negative feelings they couldnt deal with and the DP happened. I figured that DP is just a coping symptom for alot of people (not saying all) which makes you numb to the negative feelings so you dont have to suffer. Ironically we all suffer more with it.
The doctor in this clinic diagnosed me with avoidant personality disorder comined with social anxiety and depression caused by all of it. It was the only diagnosis or theory I supported a 100% after almost a decade.
Once I read up about it, I was really suprised since the articles pretty much described my persona and behaviour which was just caused by my personality disorder. I asked myself so many times as a kid whats wrong with me and why Im so different. Questioning myself if others feel the same way only to realise again and again that this was not the case.
Im isolating myself because of it. More now since it caused the DP. I feel like I dont wanna be myself since it makes me feel this way. I feel like I cant be myself and at the same time dont have these feelings, its a part of me. Because of it I had to depersonalize myself from my persona. I also had to escape from the reality which makes me feel so uncomfortable. People around me, watching me, judging me, I couldnt take it.
I want to be confident, strong, fearless but Im not. I dont wanna go back. Some of these feelings dont make sense, they are not logic and they shouldnt be. I cant accept my disorder. I want to be myself but not with these horrible emotions. This is the reason Im stuck in this and dont get out.
I dont have good or bad days. I feel like Im dreaming for the last decade just waiting to wake up. Stuck in some kind of limbo.
Therapists seem clouless. They dont understand and cant take it serious. Im trying my best to deliver informations without getting too emotional, because of that it apparently doesnt seem too bad for other people. Recommending me to go out and socialise, getting a job and take some anti depression pill. Ive gone through all of that tho, made my experiences it doesnt work, impossible.
I read alot that people say it will go away eventually. In my case I dont believe it one bit. The only thing I have left now is to go from one therapists to another.
I usually dont whine or bother other people with my issues, but I felt the time was right.
Im in my mid twenties. Suffering under a severe DP/DR since 9 years. Had to drop out of two schools, since I couldnt concentrate anymore. Never had a job, a gf and for about 6 years no real life friends and social contacts besides my family.
The Doctors in my first clinic thought I had a psychosis when I was 18, which I knew was wrong since I had my own theories about the cause and never really felt that a psychosis would be accurate. I had to give in tho, and so I took strong psychosis medication for 4 years everyday.
The doctors in my second clinic four years later told me I dont suffer under psychosis and dropped the medication from one day to the other. They still had no clue and tried out alot of different medications over the next 10 weeks.
Since my main doctor made a presentation about me as a patient and my sickness infront of 30 people, some had the idea it could be DP. They gave me a test to fill out and it was pretty much confirmed. From there I traveled a few hundred kilometers to go into another clinic which was rather specialised in dp. It was really interesting meeting so many people with the "same" problem but it was obvious that the cause for the majority of people lies beneath.
Most people had to cope with negative feelings they couldnt deal with and the DP happened. I figured that DP is just a coping symptom for alot of people (not saying all) which makes you numb to the negative feelings so you dont have to suffer. Ironically we all suffer more with it.
The doctor in this clinic diagnosed me with avoidant personality disorder comined with social anxiety and depression caused by all of it. It was the only diagnosis or theory I supported a 100% after almost a decade.
Once I read up about it, I was really suprised since the articles pretty much described my persona and behaviour which was just caused by my personality disorder. I asked myself so many times as a kid whats wrong with me and why Im so different. Questioning myself if others feel the same way only to realise again and again that this was not the case.
Im isolating myself because of it. More now since it caused the DP. I feel like I dont wanna be myself since it makes me feel this way. I feel like I cant be myself and at the same time dont have these feelings, its a part of me. Because of it I had to depersonalize myself from my persona. I also had to escape from the reality which makes me feel so uncomfortable. People around me, watching me, judging me, I couldnt take it.
I want to be confident, strong, fearless but Im not. I dont wanna go back. Some of these feelings dont make sense, they are not logic and they shouldnt be. I cant accept my disorder. I want to be myself but not with these horrible emotions. This is the reason Im stuck in this and dont get out.
I dont have good or bad days. I feel like Im dreaming for the last decade just waiting to wake up. Stuck in some kind of limbo.
Therapists seem clouless. They dont understand and cant take it serious. Im trying my best to deliver informations without getting too emotional, because of that it apparently doesnt seem too bad for other people. Recommending me to go out and socialise, getting a job and take some anti depression pill. Ive gone through all of that tho, made my experiences it doesnt work, impossible.
I read alot that people say it will go away eventually. In my case I dont believe it one bit. The only thing I have left now is to go from one therapists to another.
I usually dont whine or bother other people with my issues, but I felt the time was right.
