Australia qualify for the World Cup

I'd love to Milan. But you'd have to hook me up with a marriage-desperate middle-aged woman before I come, so I can get citizenship. If you can sort that for me, and possibly a well-paid, highly unstressfull job, then I'll be there like a shot.

Oh, and sort all the legal stuff out - like laywers, passports, buying a house by the beach, securing a life-times supply of tranquilizers.

I agree Moley...this country stinks of rats shit. I know the grass always seems greener on the other side, but, in our case, the grass is fucking greener on the other side. Still, look on the bright side, we've only got another five months of unrelenting grey skys, bollock freezing cold, rain, fog, sleet and a wind so icy that it stops your heart beating. Not to mention that the public services that will, any second now, come to a grinding halt at the first sign of 'extreme' weather. HA! Extreme. Two snowflakes in Berkshire, or a light downpour in Southampton and CALAMITY! I also expect the Firemen to go on strike, again, soon, just when we need them most. And the pensioners must really be looking forward to the months between October and April, when unless you are Lord or Lady Wanksmith-Jones, every day is a struggle to stay alive because of the weather and the fact that nobody gives a shit about them, especially the government or their children. And we're the 5th richest country in the world !!! HA HA HAH HAH HA HA HAH.

But, of course, all that matters in this country is what the 'Daily Mail' says. Yes. Kill all Asylum seekers. Don't just lock them away indefinately or deport them back to their country of origin to await torture and death, why not just kill them here!! Them and anyone who's skin is 'a bit brown'. Then whip the country up into hysteria about 'bird-fucking-flu'. RUN FOR THE HILLS. BLAME SOMEONE! IT WAS THE ASYLUM SEEKERS FAULT. Oh, and our 'Nuclear Detterent'. Apparently our 400 trident missiles (each one with the power of 50 Hirosima bombs) isn't enough. We need some more at the cost of 30 billions pounds. Just in case we need to destroy ANOTHER ENTIRE PLANET, and just because the horse eating FRENCH have 401 trident missiles. I suppose we could always fire our nuclear missiles down the underground if anyone Asian with a rucksack looks a bit 'funny'. That would sort them right out.

Oh, and while we're at it, don't forget to stick our tongues right up America's arsehole, despite the rest of the population of the planet thinking they are lead by raving religious madmen with the IQ of an Orangutan. A SENILE Orangutan with a look on his face like he has just secretly wanked off behind our backs and is proud of it, and with a foreign and domestic policy that smacks of near insanity.

Oh, and yes - Daily Mail readers. Don't forget to vote NO when (if) we get a referendum on joining the Euro. Oh no, why would we possibly want to tie ourselves closer to our europeans cousins, and indulge and share their differing cultures, ideals, ways of life. NO ! VOTE NO !!!! We want to have keep our country isolated (except for sucking America's nipple every now and again, for comfort) with more and more petty fucking rules and where every town looks like every other, and instead of having a passion for food and life, we instead drink ourselves into an early grave, but not before pissing over the English channel at the French or sneering drunkenly at the Spanish or Italians.

And while we're at it, the Scottish, Irish and Welsh can go and rot and die for all the Daily Mail cares. What significance have they? NONE.

You make a good point Reticent, but with the exception of Mark Schwarzer, the rest are very much bench players or, at the moment, are exceptionally out of form. Kewell hasn't played a good game in about 4 years.

But as you say, just like when Greece won in 2004, it's about the team ethic. England have, man for man, possibly the best team in the world at the moment (we just beat the Argies, the favourites for the cup), but our problem is (to quote a vicar in a brothel) rising to the occassion when it matters. Who knows. If we can (to quote again) perform consistently over the series of matches, I think we have a decent chance.

But I think that everytime, and still end up watching with mounting horror as we miss the penalty shoot-out for the fucking 10,000,000th time before drowning myself in a vat of beer and crying under my sheets for a week, trying to block out the screams of delight from the Germans/Brazilians as they tear around the streets in their cars with flags waving from the windows wondering why the rest of english population isn't politely congratulating them on their victory, and who secretly (or not so) wants them and their family dead in the gutter.

Let the fair play begin! I bet we get the Brazilians, the Italians and some dark horse like Ghana in our group. And therefore - three or four splendid 90 minute doses of agonising fear in front of the TV. I'm stocking up on Valium.