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At my witts end with depersonalization.

1423 Views 5 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Cosmic.loser
I'm literally at my witts end with this condition. I just want to be me again. Starting to fall into depression again with it because I just feel like this will never go. Everyday I wake up with hope and it's there 24/7. I have no fight in me anymore, I am so mentally drained from this. No one understands and when I do try and open up I just get looked at like I have two heads. It's getting so bad now I actually feel like I am starting to go fucking crazy. I look around my house and I feel like I don't know who the fuck I am and where the hell I am, I don't recognise anything the way I use to and my memories are so faded and seem so fake. I feel so blocked mentally. I have got to the point now I don't even give a shite anymore, I just want to be me. Depersonalization has ruled my life now for nine months and I have had enough of it all. I know it's the depression talking but I just think to myself what is the point anymore, what's the point in living this life fighting everyday and never getting better. I hate how normal people can just go about there day and not have to deal with shit like this....everyday is just a battle now not to break down.

Going to see my Dr about medication and what they can do. Please let this be over with soon :( I miss me so much I want MY life back. I feel like someone has literally stole it from me.
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Makes you learn that people understand nothing they haven't experienced.

The doctor is a great call...

the only advice i can really say is hang in, it will get better, but part of that is lowering anxiety, which means unfortunately to let it go and stop worrying and thinking about it on a loop, which we have all been in, but it won't help your anxiety or condition, that's one thing the medication defiantly helps with, puts you in a different perspective
Awh don't cry, I notice you don't sleep either (i don't but that's another story).

DP treatment is often basically Depression and Anxiety treatment, at least to start with.. so just say 'Panic attacks, heart fast, world seems 2d, feel detached, deeply depressed' etc etc, you know what to say, sometimes they hate big words like Depersonization, but eventually i'd use it, after you see how it goes first, I was lucky, my first doctor actually told me.. well he didn't he prescribed me medications and then i looked and it said "ptsd" on my screen next time.. i then researched and learnt about DP and he said yes.

Every doctor after him (don't live in the same place) it's been a battle and my GP who is super on my side i taught about DP and he couldn't believe what I knew. He told me he had to research it, unfortunately GP's didn't seem to get a DP memo.

I've been on 14 medications and Zoloft is easily the worst, not to put you off, i hate writing it on this forum, but i've spend 2 years researching daily, it has came up maybe 6 times as it worked. It's good for boosting a bit of depression but offered it or nothing, i'd vote nothing, really didn't enjoy it.

I was treated in England and personally, i'd probably just print the PTSD page on the NHS website, it does talk about dissociating, just not as a disorder. As far as I am aware, it is yet to be something they can type in to the computer, they may know about it, but they just class it as PTSD, you say you have all them symptoms, you will get Mirtazapine, IMO and many i've talked to so much better than Zoloft. Zoloft made me feel goofy, Mirtazapine made me happy but a real type of happy and real emotions, Zoloft was just like being on a drug that was trying to make me happy.

As for not leaving the house, get the right medication and in a few months you don't even have to work at that, but I went a long time without medication with DP and I am off them currently, I found exposure therapy very good, i made it a point to go to the shop every day, and instead of a weekly shop, it was a walk in nature and go to a shop that i hated the lighting and felt floating, this was very important on lowering my anxiety.. i didn't actually see anyone for this therapy but realised that i was basically doing it...
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