I faked it until I made it. But, I had to fake it for 40 years. During that time, I was living in an alternate reality. I take consolation in knowing I was doing the best I could, but I can also see my life as a "do over" because my illness
had such a negative impact on my opportunities and choices. The problem being, there is no do over. I am grateful that I am feeling mostly recovered. I always thought things would continue to go down hill as I aged, leading
me to commit suicide at some point. I was heading in that general direction when things unexpectedly turned around. I sought help at numerous junctures in my life. I didn't know where to turn, so I first went to a community mental
health center. I saw a friendly and compassionate therapist for 6 months and got to see a psych for 3 minutes. They had no idea what I was. No help there. I then saw a neurologist. He identified my visuals as ocular migraines, which
was some relief. He also told me US neurology "had bigger fish to fry" but that the British had done more research. Basically no help, but the tidbit on the Brits would come in handy later in life. Things got worse and I saw 2 psychiatrists for
20 years and took SSRIs over that period. No real understanding or insight given by them. Just take the meds. Finally, through research on the internet (British neurological texts and journals) I realized I was epileptic. I really didn't understand
anything about seizures. I thought you had to fall out and foam at the mouth. I had EEGs done which established I had significant pathology
in my temporal lobe, consistent with a history of epilepsy. Sure, they were attacks of panic, but they were also temporal lobe seizures. Now I have a proper diagnosis and treatment and I understand the life I lived.
I'm sorry to say you can expect very little help from mental health professionals. I wish I had gotten an EEG and MRI when I was 18. Don't expect anyone to refer you for it. I was too smart, strong and capable for anyone to think
I had a mental disability of epilepsy and major depression. There is no explanation for that which turned me around. I had ECT in early 2014. It worked wonders. They don't understand why. Don't let your life be a do over if you can help it.
Get an EEG and reassure yourself that your brain/mind is not impaired.
had such a negative impact on my opportunities and choices. The problem being, there is no do over. I am grateful that I am feeling mostly recovered. I always thought things would continue to go down hill as I aged, leading
me to commit suicide at some point. I was heading in that general direction when things unexpectedly turned around. I sought help at numerous junctures in my life. I didn't know where to turn, so I first went to a community mental
health center. I saw a friendly and compassionate therapist for 6 months and got to see a psych for 3 minutes. They had no idea what I was. No help there. I then saw a neurologist. He identified my visuals as ocular migraines, which
was some relief. He also told me US neurology "had bigger fish to fry" but that the British had done more research. Basically no help, but the tidbit on the Brits would come in handy later in life. Things got worse and I saw 2 psychiatrists for
20 years and took SSRIs over that period. No real understanding or insight given by them. Just take the meds. Finally, through research on the internet (British neurological texts and journals) I realized I was epileptic. I really didn't understand
anything about seizures. I thought you had to fall out and foam at the mouth. I had EEGs done which established I had significant pathology
in my temporal lobe, consistent with a history of epilepsy. Sure, they were attacks of panic, but they were also temporal lobe seizures. Now I have a proper diagnosis and treatment and I understand the life I lived.
I'm sorry to say you can expect very little help from mental health professionals. I wish I had gotten an EEG and MRI when I was 18. Don't expect anyone to refer you for it. I was too smart, strong and capable for anyone to think
I had a mental disability of epilepsy and major depression. There is no explanation for that which turned me around. I had ECT in early 2014. It worked wonders. They don't understand why. Don't let your life be a do over if you can help it.
Get an EEG and reassure yourself that your brain/mind is not impaired.
