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I've been suffering with DPDR for, too long, now. I've suffered before it with panic attacks, crippling depression and anxiety throughout my early teenage years to my adult life, which is now. I never, not once, opened up about it to any soul, except my mother who had witnessed some of it, but she could never really see it as anything but an obstacle I should get over with meds and then try hard to be this normal child of hers that could satisfy the society's norms and blend in with everyone else. Anyway, I never, once in my life thought I'd reach a point where I even consider telling someone about what i've been through, i'm a huge introvert that keeping things to myself has been a part of my identity and how I perceive myself. But I need it more than ever, however i'm terrified of how it'd affect me. It's too much for me to open up and be vulnerable to anyone. It sounds dramatic, but, going 21 years without talking about my life to anyone, then do, and it doesn't go as I expected, it'd make me, lose, something I cannot afford losing. Also, it might feel like I own them something at some point.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, took a step and asked for help, and they don't regret it?

I don't have anyone that I feel deeply close to, but I have someone close to that that I've been thinking a lot about telling them. I don't want the way they are with me change though, I don't want them to think of me as distant and not there when I'm with them. If sometimes I feel like I'd lost myself, I don't want to lose myself that still exists in others, you know..

It's that it's been too long I'm silent, I'm and have been trying within myself every single day to improve my mental state,

but something bigger has to emerge.

Any experiences and thoughts on this would be deeply appreciated!
 

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I faked it until I made it. But, I had to fake it for 40 years. During that time, I was living in an alternate reality. I take consolation in knowing I was doing the best I could, but I can also see my life as a "do over" because my illness

had such a negative impact on my opportunities and choices. The problem being, there is no do over. I am grateful that I am feeling mostly recovered. I always thought things would continue to go down hill as I aged, leading

me to commit suicide at some point. I was heading in that general direction when things unexpectedly turned around. I sought help at numerous junctures in my life. I didn't know where to turn, so I first went to a community mental

health center. I saw a friendly and compassionate therapist for 6 months and got to see a psych for 3 minutes. They had no idea what I was. No help there. I then saw a neurologist. He identified my visuals as ocular migraines, which

was some relief. He also told me US neurology "had bigger fish to fry" but that the British had done more research. Basically no help, but the tidbit on the Brits would come in handy later in life. Things got worse and I saw 2 psychiatrists for

20 years and took SSRIs over that period. No real understanding or insight given by them. Just take the meds. Finally, through research on the internet (British neurological texts and journals) I realized I was epileptic. I really didn't understand

anything about seizures. I thought you had to fall out and foam at the mouth. I had EEGs done which established I had significant pathology

in my temporal lobe, consistent with a history of epilepsy. Sure, they were attacks of panic, but they were also temporal lobe seizures. Now I have a proper diagnosis and treatment and I understand the life I lived.

I'm sorry to say you can expect very little help from mental health professionals. I wish I had gotten an EEG and MRI when I was 18. Don't expect anyone to refer you for it. I was too smart, strong and capable for anyone to think

I had a mental disability of epilepsy and major depression. There is no explanation for that which turned me around. I had ECT in early 2014. It worked wonders. They don't understand why. Don't let your life be a do over if you can help it.

Get an EEG and reassure yourself that your brain/mind is not impaired.
 
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