[peaceboy23]

So I had another appointment with my therapist today, and told him that I'm starting to think that my dp/dr are based more on emotional feelings and underlying issues, but he kept pushing the fact that I have a chemical imbalance and that my visit with my psychiatrist should make things all better. Maybe this is true, but I'm getting frustrated, because I KNOW that I have some issues that I have had eating at me for a long time, but I no longer feel comfortable talking about them with him. It seems when I bring something up that is really bothering me, he focuses on the fact that my chemical imbalance is causing these things to go over and over in my head, and all that stuff. His advice to me today was basically "when you visit (your psychiatrist) and get the medicine leveled out, things will get better, and you should try to implement an exercise plan, becuase you are working on the spirtual aspect of your life, and i think it will make you feel better and raise your self-esteem." Yes, that is probably true, but I'm really sick of everything being solved with medicine...which is quite a change from even a year or two ago, because I've always been medicine advocate number one. Maybe I'm being influenced by a sinister force in Janine and all you others on here <grin> but I'm really losing faith that everything is purely chemical and starting to think that I have things I NEED to work out that the medicines are just covering up. I think medication can be truly wonderful and that brain chemistry CAN be part of the problem, but it's not the be all and end all. I guess my problem is that the DP/DR has never really gone away completely, even when I was feeling fairly good overall. I think medicine and the relation to anxiety is more like cholesterol or diabetes...you eat well, exercise, and take medicines, and the three together make you healthier. I dunno, I guess the biggest problem is that I no longer feel comfortable talking to him about things I need to talk about. I tend to just scrape the superficial surface of things with him, and I never want to delve deeper into things with him, even though I really want to talk about them with someone. I mean, I haven't even told him that eight months ago, after my roommate died, I went through a very brief period of self-mutilation, or how much things that have happened in high school have effected me still. Sorry if I'm rambling a bit, but I'm just frustrated. Does it sound like I need a new therapist to anyone else? :?

 

[Sojourner]

Yes, it sounds like you want someone else. That person seems to be definitely on a frequency that is not what you want. You want someone with a psychoanalytic approach.

 

[terri*]

Hi Peaceboy,

As I recall, this therapist of yours was a problem last time. Is he by chance a Christian therapist? I wondered that from the line "things will get better, and you should try to implement an exercise plan, becuase you are working on the spirtual aspect of your life,". Just curious about that.

He sounds like he thinks some pills are going to save you from this hell. Don't we all wish it were that easy. IMO, you are right in the way you feel. You have many issues you want and need to talk about. I really hope you can get someone else to work with.

Best of luck.
terri

 

[bright23]

Definitely sounds like a new therapist is needed. Investigate all your available options. Look for someone you feel comfortable with, that you can really open up to. I'm a man and my therapist is a woman, and this works well for me. It might not for you. Just go ahead without any preconcieved notions and follow your gut impressions. Don't worry so much about the school of therapy you follow, follow your gut reaction to prospective therapist's personality... unless of course you're totally loaded and you can afford an analyst.

By the way Sojourner, do you get free lunches by endorsing psychoanalysis? Or is it more like "well it worked for me, so that means it must work for everybody...?" Just wondering, because I can't help but notice this is something you seem to feel so certain about.

 

[Sojourner]

Bright,

I think the therapy chosen should suit the person and his or her particular needs at the time of seeking therapy. PeaceBoy said he wanted to talk about "emotional feelings and underlying issues," which CBT and behavioral therapists do not want to do.

So, I was responding to the poster's stated interest, not my own. I think for myself CBT might be useful at some point for specific things, but not now.

 

[Sojourner]

Bright,

Also, I think you're mistaken about the mode of therapy not being important and the rapport with the therapist being primary. That just isn't true -- as PeaceBoy so clearly stated. His therapist will not provide what PeaceBoy wants.

In fact, PB's therapist seems on the verge of unprofessional by ignoring his patient's clearly stated needs to talk about what concerns him. Sounds like a person lacking in good judgment, compassion, and ethics. Now, if the therapist suggested that PB find a different therapist, I'll retract these harsh words, but PB said the therapist "kept pushing the fact that I have a chemical imbalance and that my visit with my psychiatrist should make things all better."

Rotten "therapist," in my book. Well, you asked. ; )

 

[peaceboy23]

Hey...my therapist is actually not a Christian therapist, to a degree kind of the opposite. He said I was working on the spiritual side because I mentioned that I'm going to the local UCC and reading books about religion and things like that. He actually seems to blow off to a degree religion and especially problems I'm having with certian things in that area (i realize, however, that relgious discussions are more apt for a minister/priest/rabbi/monk, etc). Anyway, I had been having problems with him before, and I wanted to go back and see if things were any better. My biggest problem now is telling him that I'm not interested in continuing therapy with him, because I know he thinks we are doing well together, and he thinks I am doign a hell of a lot better than I am, since I hide so much from him. Plus, I genuinley like the guy as a person, just not clicking with him as a therapist.

 

[Sojourner]

What kind of a creep could possibly think you were doing well together when you told him what you wanted and he behaved the way you described?

I enjoyed your website, btw.

Do not, PB, repeat do NOT feel bad about discontinuing with him. You are his boss, and if he hasn't got the sense to be attentive to your clearly stated desires to talk about emotional and other issues, tell him you are going to find a therapist who can provide the kind of therapy you feel will be most helpful to you at this moment.

Sojourner is really steaming about some people who put on the therapist hat and act like the person you described. He's a goon, hon. Lose him.

 

[Sojourner]

Oh, PB, I should have said this:

Don't even SAY that you want to stop seeing him. Instead, just say, "I have thought about it a long time, and I have decided to pursue a different form of therapy after today."

Or something similar. Spare yourself the need to say anything negative, even something as benign as that you want to stop therapy with him. Just don't say it -- say only what you are going to do.

Now it should not be a problem, because if you have hesitancy about "hurting his feelings," you have no reason to, because you are saying absolutely NOTHING whatsoever about him. Don't go near any kind of revelation of your dissatisfaction. Just do the deed and kiss that loser goodbye! :lol:

 

[bright23]

I agree with Sojourner, lose him, no need to explain why. But take immediate action to find a replacement, and look for someone you have no problem being honest with. That's all, real simple.

 

[terri*]

Once, many moons ago, I started seeing a new therapist. On like the 6th visit he said, " Now tell me, what was it you wanted to accomplish in therapy?". I remember looking at him and thinking...WHAT :?: , but instead reiterated what the hell I was doing there. :?

So, that day when I got home, I wrote the guy a nice little thank you kindly, been real, but I've decided I might work better with someone else. It's kind of the How to Win Friends and Influence People thought...say something good about them and then tell them what you want.

Maybe this would work for you if you feel you would get all tongue tied ( as I felt I would). I have been known to be passive/aggressive and this may be being it again. I call it the easy way out without hurting feelings or getting myself worked up.

My CBT therapist was very in to talking back and forth. So that is unusual?

Still hoping the best for you so you can get busy with moving forward, PB.
terri

 

[Guest]

Now, see, I don't have any problems with your current therapist, peaceboy. I don't think he sounds incompetent at all. But he is not going to do the kind of therapy you tell him to, lol. People are who they are, and we realy hurt ourselves trying to force them to bend in ways they are not going to bend.

Here's the issue.

VERy often, we neurotic types, are stubborn to the point of well, neurosis, lol. We want WHAT we want from precisely WHO we decide we want it from. We do it in personal relationships, with family, with friends, and consequently, it plays out loud and clear in the transference in session rooms.

One of the hallmarks of growing up is being able to say "this is what I really want" and then HEARING the other person. Will they give it to you? Are you sure? If they will not and are saying so loudly and clearly, then you have two choices: (1) you can stay where you are and modify your desires/needs; or (2) you can look elsewhere for those needs/desires to be met.

But we tend to choose a very bad third option. We stay in the current relationship and torture the other person and ourselves by throwing a perpetual but ofter covert temper tantrum - HOW DARE YOU NOT DO WHAT I AM TELLING YOU TO DO!

HOW DARE YOU BE THAT DIFFERENT FROM ME THAT YOU WOULD NOT COOPERATE HERE?

I TOLD YOU VERY CLEARLY WHAT I WANT. NOW DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

And day turns into day, and we never move forward and we and the other person are locked forever in a sado-masochistic dance of self-destructive magical expectations...

"if only I can find the right way to SAY it...then this person will do what i want..." nope

"in time, this person will wear down and change.." nope

"if they will NOT change, I'll be damned if I will just let them get away wtih failing me - i will self-destruct in front of them and that will show them...." nope

we cut off our nose to spite our face every day.

and the day after.

and nothing changes.

Reality can be your friend. Invite it in to tea, grin

J

 

[Guest]

Peaceboy, I do think your therapist is incompetent in the following way. He should pick up on what you say to him, which he clearly doesnt. He should tell you: "look, the kind of treatment you are looking for I cannot provide you with, I believe in the chemical imbalance approach. Since that is not the thing you are looking for, I suggest you look for a different therapist that can support you in working your stuff out, which is important for you. I am not the right fit for your wishes" (or something like this).
That fact he should note, thats part of his job too (and a very important one!). And not invalidate you any further, which he is doing.
Look for a new one.