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Discussion Starter · #1 ·

I would like to know if there others like me, who wakes up one day and think : the meds are my problem, I will be med free and cured, so I have to face reality, etc. And, at the first panick attack, and feeling of confusion, the hopelessness returns, and immediately the thinking :

I can't do it without meds, I am very ill, I am very depressed, I need meds, they will help/cure me. I will take this one, this anti-anxiety, etc. Then, after trying a couple of weeks, say :

It doesn't work, it's worse than before, I have to stop NOW, it'S horrible,etc.

Then it's a vicious cycle. My mind change ideas all the time. Like I don't know when I am better or worse.

Please respond!


· Registered
118 Posts
In my whole experience I have used a couple of benzos for panic attacks
I use Omega-3 for about a week
I also use Paxil, wich helps. But the thing with medication is that if they work, you somehow feel you are on medication, I just don't feel my own emotions when on meds. This can be very frustrating and eventually make you think your better of without them.
When meds works, they still make you feel different somehow.

Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That "black and white" thinking, jumping from one extreme idea to the opposite end of the spectrum is really a common experience during a breakdown.

We are trying to make things clear, and very THIS Is the solution (then a day later, we discount that idea and swear we have the NEW and REAL solution).

It's a patten that doesn't help the recovery.

No med, none, nada, is going to Cure you. YOu are going to cure you, your own brain is going to re-set itself and allow you to return to a normal way of being.

Meds can assist you in that process by potentially calming you down, lifting your mood, etc...whatever it takes to allow you to feel SAFE enough for a bit to step aside and let your poor mind restabilize.

I cannot emphasize this enough: As long as you are Watching yourself, and trying to Assess Your Own Progress, you are going to have a very very hard time getting better.

You need to TRY to move aside, try to FAKE it, just fake an interest in life, do things whether you want to or not, go through the motions....don't wait for ambition, act "as if" you are the same person you used to be.

That allows the self to stop Watching the self...and that is what's needed for the mind to regain its equlibrium.

A twist on an old phrase maybe: A watched brain never heals.


Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks Janine,

I understand, but why doing therapy and analyse yourself if it's better trying to fake it and forget a little DP?

I see a psychologist who tries to give me tricks to calm me down, and we even tried EMDR. But when I talk of myself, how I feel, I always feel depersonalized. When she said to feel my body, it doesn't work at all. When I try what she said to me (example, when I feel DP/DR, try to count in my head, or thinking of something, it emphazites DR/DP!)At the same time, I think I need someone to count on, to reassure me.

I don,t know what is better. It's a fact, I will try to fake to be happy, fake not to be afraid when I go outside, fake loving people, but I KNOW I fake it, and I am not normal!!! All I want is to be normal and work. And be happy. I feel like I am not gonna be happy for the rest of my life. It's always in my mind!!!! I feel so stupid also. And ashamed to be ill.

With meds, I feel more calm, but I feel not there :( My boyfriend wants me to take meds (antidep. and anti-anxiety), because he said that when I lower the dosage, I am a zombie, I cry all the time, don't talk or move, and he wants to go away. But I can't work with all those meds, I would like so much to work outside....

What is better, taking meds and feel stoned and everybody around is happy, or not taking meds, and feel panicky, but more able to think, but doing so many crisis that boyfriend wants to go away?

· Former Moderator
1,084 Posts
I do this quite often as well coucou (i finally understood the relevance of your name, by the just kind of clicked).

My theory is much the same as janine's. Meds are a necessary evil sometimes, but you will never get better with them. They are indeed a mask that can get one through the worst of times, and calm one's raging Id, but in the end it is only You and your TRUE self that can extricate yourself from the seemingly endless cycle.


Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Coucouc, I know you don't agree with me, but I'm gonna say it again just because...well, because I'm stubborn, lol...

The last sentence of your post above is your Key.

You've got some major conflicts around your current life situation - boyfriend, baby, new life, etc....

You don't want your boyfriend to go away - and at the same time, you do.

You want to be a good mother - and at the same time, part of you wishes you'd never had a child.

THOSE are the things you need to be talking about in therapy, not relaxation exercises.

I know you can recover totally...I don't mean to be so darn pushy with you, lol...but I am POSITIVE you can recover. But you might first have to be willing to talk about some of the major issues, and major feelings of ambivalence you've got inside you.

Focusing so much on the symptoms themselves, that's a distraction. I had the exact same problem - all I wanted was to talk about my awful feelings and fears...but that got me nowhere.

Only once I could open up a bit and slowly begin to talk about some of the feelings and thoughts that were making me FREEZE inside myself...only then did I start to get rid of symptoms.


p.s. GOOD GOD, I just understood your name, too! HOWLING! I never got it before, oh, brother.

· Registered
1,146 Posts
I could NOT agree more with what Janine said about what to focus on in therapy. Good god, as a "relaxation technique" therapy student, I have failed! I am capable of scoring high grades in class, knowledgeable in a lot of areas, good at my job at work, and yet i can't breathing-exercise my way out of (or into) a paper bag.

And you know what? It's so BORING. BORING to focus on the anxiety or the fears or something. The more I have learned about myself, the more I want to talk about MYSELF, either talk about other things in life that have been important to me or be humurous (which is what I usually do on LiveJournal).

You may think you have nothing to talk about, and you may think at first there is nothing to you that is that important or can contribute much, but crack open those areas in life that have made you passionate or angry or happy or sad and you find you can talk for hours on them. Hell, some of my personal rants are "poor me" type things, but they have opened up creativity and were honest, so don't worry that you're complaining too much.

Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I'd have problems without meds. Who doesn't have problems? I may have some anxiety or panic come back and hit me hard, who knows? Alls I know is that what I experienced off meds was a walk in the park during springtime compared to what I have experienced on them. Severe side effects, loss of cognitive abilities, loss of personality, horrendous withdrawal effects. I'll take a little bit of everyday anxiety and panic over all of those. My body is so fucked up right now that I can barely leave the house or sit still. I can honestly say that I never felt like that before I ever swallowed a mind raping chemical compound. I dont think many people do.


Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I agree with meds,

But millions of people take it and the doesn't have horrendous stories. All of my friends took one day a antidep, and they withdraw and that is the end of the story. Even Paxil!

And when you have no choice for the moment, sorry. But it's better than panicking all the time and crying a river.

I want to withdrawn from clonazepam, but for now I will wait that Paxil takes a good effect on me.

Thanks for your opinion.

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