Indeed the suicidal mind is difficult to describe and to overcome. You just have to know that if the identification with the suicidal mind is too strong, there is unbelievably pain. You just don't know because everyone is conditioned differently. I am in that state and I wish I wasn't. My mind switched and suddenly, within one week, I had suicidal thoughts caused by my mind. It is torture because you see no way out of your thoughts.