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Hi, I'm fairly new to this site but I was hoping maybe someone with the familiar experience like mine can help. This is the only place I'm sure of that can give me some hope right now.

Well, let me start off by saying growing up I had feelings of Dp/Dr every so often if I thought about it, but I was able to snap out of it.

Now here is the story.

It was January 3rd, friends and I were smoking what we thought was just "reggie" so just regular weed, my 2 best friends and I thought it looked much darker than what it usually looks like but we didn't really pay mind to it. We were told it was reggie by a friend we knew, and that's what we stuck to.
We had about a DIME bag of this shit, and smoked it all. Yeah. All of it.

I knew something was wrong when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and I forgot what we were talking about and then I felt as if I was repeating myself over and over just because in my head I knew I wasn't making sense.About an hour went by and thats when shit really hit the fan, my heart was pounding and I just knew things were not the way they should be, and all I could say was "I smoked to much, I'm tripping out". For a person tripping out on synthetic marijuana I think I handled myself pretty well.
The next morning came and I thought I came down from this "high" but later on that day i went out to eat with my mom and I threw up. Now thats not normal.
I was so scared I just thought I was still high.
....
I ended up confessing to my parents, and for having parents in the military and believing they would kick my ass. They were and have been so supportive.
It was a week of this, and even my parents thought it was just some bad weed and eventually it just had to get out of my system. But, after a while I just knew something was wrong, I wasnt myself and I needed help.
I ended up at a mental hospital for about a week, and thats the when I kept hearing the word "spice" and "k2". I almost lost my mind.
Me and my friends had been experimenting with smoking, so I had atleast smoked 7 times before. I thought if something was to be spice, k2, or whatever that I would KNOW it, but sadly, some one we thought we could trust decided to ruin my life. I heard that it affects people differently and that is why my friends didn't get the same effects I had. My friends suffer from depression, anxiety, and so much more. So I thought since their minds are programmed differently than mine, thats why they didnt get the same effects, right?

I'm pretty sure that the synthetic marijuana did something more to me, and that scares me, to feel as if I am really crazy.
I constantly feel like my thoughts don't match what I see visually, that everyone around me is programmed to just live as if everything is fine, and I still have memories and from people that have smoked this crap a lot of them dont have good memories anymore, so I consider myself pretty lucky. But even then, I feel as if I'm making all that up, and that its my minds way of working now. I just feel like everything is fake, and I hate it. I know its not, but my mind is playing tricks on me.

Symptoms I have are:
  • whole body numbness (I can't feel anything) which freaks me out more.
  • Crazy insomnia which allows me to sleep 30 minutes, have a crazy dream, wake up, try to process if im really here or not, and try to sleep again.
  • I'm extremely dizzy, and I feel as though the earth is moving with me when I walk?
  • Extremely detached, depressed, anxious ( i already had anxiety so this made it worse)
  • Heart palpitations
It's been like this for a month, I've been seeing a therapist who is EXTREMELY helpful, and she keeps telling me that things will get better and I will be "normal" again. I honestly hate not knowing when I'll be normal or what to do to make this go away.
I miss having a grasp on reality, and not having to question anything at all. But now, all my mind is filled with nothing but questions..

I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
& I am 15 yrs old, and I just dont want to live life like this.

Any advice on what may help me snap out of this faster?


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Selig
Feb 09 2014 02:19 AM

It sounds like a typical case of drugs being the catalyst to fully developed depersonalization- especially whereas you have experienced it before.

Right now, one of the most important things you can do, and TRUST me on this- is accept that you have depersonalization right now and it may last a while. Secondly, you need to know that you are okay, you are not going crazy nor will depersonalization hurt you. It is disturbing yet harmless.

Support is awesome, surround yourself in it. Stay busy, do what makes you happy and DON'T obsess even though your mind will tell you to do so. HERE is a thread I have with some links and more info.

I had it when I was your age and recovered before. Good luck!


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 11:54 AM

Thank you for commenting on my blog.

I'm just very scared because I'm just fearful my brain won't ever be the same.

How long do you think this will take to go away?


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:18 PM

Thank you for commenting on my blog. I'm just very scared because I'm just fearful my brain won't ever be the same. How long do you think this will take to go away?
Unfortunately, dissociation is so individualized that it's hard to say when you'll recover - just focus on ridding yourself of it and it'll go away before you know it. Your brain will be the same, just remember, this is temporary.



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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:22 PM

Thank you
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I just hate feeling like everything is fake, and I'm making everything up. It sucks.

I really want to snap out of this I know I'm hurting m family and taking attention away from my brother all due to a bad mistake I made, even though I didn't know the "weed" was spice.

I just hope this stuff doesn't get worse. I just want my life and my happiness back. Once I snap out of this, I swear I will better myself so much, I'll be do thankful I'll probably never get mad at anything again lol!


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:25 PM

Thank you
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I just hate feeling like everything is fake, and I'm making everything up. It sucks. I really want to snap out of this I know I'm hurting m family and taking attention away from my brother all due to a bad mistake I made, even though I didn't know the "weed" was spice. I just hope this stuff doesn't get worse. I just want my life and my happiness back. Once I snap out of this, I swear I will better myself so much, I'll be do thankful I'll probably never get mad at anything again lol!
Well, that's a good positive thought - positivity will get you a long way through this disorder, so keep it up!
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Also, I remember you talking about K2. It's interesting because I have faint memories of smoking K2 with my buddy; that stuff is dangerous as hell, glad I only smoked it a couple of times. I remember that you could just buy the stuff over the counter as long as you had an I.D. - crazy stuff that was, haha.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:30 PM

Did you have the same effects?

I swear I was in denial when I found out it was k2, I was so furious that someone we thought was trustworthy would do that to us you know? And even when I asked the guys all "I don't need someone tripping out on me from something I got them before" that's when I wanted to hit him lol. Like how jacked up, i could of been so much worse.

On a scale from 1-10 they said I'm a 1, even though I don't feel like that sometimes. But I'm lucky.

I'm getting some blood tests and a physical done on Tuesday, because after smoking that stuff my entire body is numb, so I'm praying that it will go away /:


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:35 PM

Did you have the same effects? I swear I was in denial when I found out it was k2, I was so furious that someone we thought was trustworthy would do that to us you know? And even when I asked the guys all "I don't need someone tripping out on me from something I got them before" that's when I wanted to hit him lol. Like how jacked up, i could of been so much worse. On a scale from 1-10 they said I'm a 1, even though I don't feel like that sometimes. But I'm lucky. I'm getting some blood tests and a physical done on Tuesday, because after smoking that stuff my entire body is numb, so I'm praying that it will go away /:
I had the same effects when I smoked it, but I suppose I didn't know much about dissociation, so I shrugged it off. I smoked it a few times with the same dissociative effects, but I don't think I kept the perspective after I was high because I didn't have anything like anxiety, depression or trauma for it to capitalize on, if that makes sense.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:37 PM

Yeah that makes sense!
I read that it can last 2 years...I really hope it won't,


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:37 PM

Yeah that makes sense! I read that it can last 2 years...I really hope it won't,
It's individualized, like I said. As long as you try your best, keep a good attitude and work towards recovery, you should be out in no time.
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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:40 PM

Like, I've been working out by running for 40 minutes each day and eating healthy and taking vitamins so hopefully that'll help with my recovery even though bad thoughts are still there.



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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:40 PM

Like, I've been working out by running for 40 minutes each day and eating healthy and taking vitamins so hopefully that'll help with my recovery even though bad thoughts are still there.
That'll definitely help; keeping your body healthy is a very good thing.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:45 PM

Okay good.
When I went to the mental hospital the guy said I'd be back to normal by the end of this month, but he also said if I kept taking zoloft.

They started me with 50mg then went to 100 mg in 2 days, and that's a high ass dosage lol. I stopped taking it because I would feel like such a zombie I would become extremely pissed lol. So instead of numbing my mind I just cry if I have to even though that just means I'm making no progress /;


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:48 PM

Okay good. When I went to the mental hospital the guy said I'd be back to normal by the end of this month, but he also said if I kept taking zoloft. They started me with 50mg then went to 100 mg in 2 days, and that's a high ass dosage lol. I stopped taking it because I would feel like such a zombie I would become extremely pissed lol. So instead of numbing my mind I just cry if I have to even though that just means I'm making no progress /;
Yeah, I'm not so sure about medication at such a young age, there are plenty of self-help methods of recovery. Medication should be a last-ditch effort for help and recovery; an effort that I don't think you'll ever need, in my opinion. You seem very strong to me.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:50 PM

Thank you. Means a lot considering I feel like such a weak person.

Since the bad thoughts keep coming and I'm just afraid because I've never really had those kinds of thoughts.


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 12:52 PM

Thank you. Means a lot considering I feel like such a weak person. Since the bad thoughts keep coming and I'm just afraid because I've never really had those kinds of thoughts.
I've been at that point, but it gets easier, believe me.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 12:53 PM

Can I ask you how long your recovery was?


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 01:02 PM

Can I ask you how long your recovery was?
Mhm - I actually wrote a recovery story: My Recovery Story.

My recovery took 4 months, condensed. I suffered a relapse and a switch from derealization to depersonalization.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 01:10 PM

I think I've actually read through that before while reading through some stuff on this website, it's nice and helpful!

That really sucks having a relapse I bet... What caused it?


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Wendy
Feb 09 2014 01:15 PM

I think I've actually read through that before while reading through some stuff on this website, it's nice and helpful! That really sucks having a relapse I bet... What caused it?
Well, I'm very susceptible to relapses considering that I haven't gotten rid of the problem that actually caused my dissociation in the first place - past trauma and codependency. Having that under my belt and trying to maintain depersonalization is pretty hard, so it's only proper that I would have probably relapsed.


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Legitlex_
Feb 09 2014 01:18 PM

Aw no..I'm sorry. That must be really hard.
 
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