[Strongerthanever]

Hello!

Long time reader but first time poster here!

I would like to talk about my DP/DR experience. I have some symptoms that I have rarely seen on these forums and would love to connect with or get/provide advice to people in a similar situation. I will try to keep it as short as possible.

Childhood

I remember getting short periods of DP and DR (less than an hour) sometimes while being in situations of added stress. For example while walking home at night, having a presentation in school or something similar. It has struck me that dissociating this easily might not have been normal. Did anyone else experience shorter periods of dissociation before getting DP/DR more "permanently"?

My DP/DR were not drug nor panic attack induced

I got DP/DR seemingly out of nowhere. I was at an amusement park with my family and remember feeling uneasy about the risk that my younger brothers might get lost in the crowds (I was 14 and a quite controlling and sensitive kid). I dissociated in the same manner as I explained above and I figured it was just one of those "normal" short periods of dissociation, but it was still there a few hours later and I got increasingly worried. When I woke up the next day and it was still there I got quite horrified. I brought it up with my parents but they dismissed it as "nothing serious". I kept telling myself that it would be gone soon and kept living life quite normally. Just a few weeks later I found a wikipedia article about DP/DR and could put a label on my ghosts.

How my DP/DR feels

I have many of the common symptoms descriped on this forum; brain fog, slower thought process, existential ruminations, feeling not inside your own body, feeling unreal, etc. However, I have never had the very severe symptoms often described here, for example; panic attacks, problems with vision, feeling like you're dying etc. I have just kept living my life but with a loss of depth, emotion and motivation. As soon as I start to feel happy, existential ruminations or just the fact that DP/DR is always there brings me down again. I am 20 years old and have had this without a break for 6 years now. I have tried many of the common tips on the forums; acceptance, "keep living life as normal", exercise, a balanced diet, visit a psychiatrist, and so on. It gets a little bit better sometimes but It's always there haunting me. Does anyone feel similarly? (I am not a native english speaker, mistakes have surely been made. Also, I posted this on reddit yesterday but I figured that I could reach some more people if I posted here too.)

As a final note I want to thank this community for being so helpful and kind. Also, to the people who beat it and return to help others; you are true heroes. Thank you.

 

[London]

Hi, my dp was not drug induced.

Similar to you when I was younger I would get DP intermittently but just passed the episodes off as something everyone got.

then aged 16 I was dancing around my room and it was like a switch flipped.

 

[dope]

Omg, YES! YES, FINALLY!

My experiences are the exact same. I've always had DP when I was younger for very short periods of time. I also found that that feeling increased whenever I stood in front of a mirror and started asking questions like "Am I real?", "Is this even happening?" I would get it, and then it would go away as soon as I stopped. Pretty much I'd induce DP without even knowing what it was.
I'd also run away from boredom or stress with maladaptive daydreaming (obsessive daydreaming), so that's maybe what also influenced my DP.

One day I stayed up all night. I had a panic attack because of the lack of sleep, and I went to the hospital, as I wasn't the most experienced with anxiety at that time (now I'm able to control my panic better). In the hospital I started feeling very bad, this weird spaced out feeling. But like you, I simply dismissed it as it being this weird feeling that I sometimes had that would most likely go away anyway.
I went to sleep as soon as I got home, but when I woke up, to my dismay, I still felt that way. I was panicking and I quickly went to search it, and then I found what it was.
I also don't have any of the extreme symptoms. Like the memory loss, the no inner voice thing, I still recognize myself and my surroundings. I don't have any extreme eyesight problems either. The only thing really is not feeling real and having no motivation, like you. I don't feel like a robot, I just don't feel real. As if I'm watching a timeline that I'm not included in, even though I am.
I'm not sure if it was from the lack of sleep, because I've spent other nights without sleep, and apart from my anxiety levels rising, I was pretty fine.
I never had DP before in a way that it was situational. Only when I questioned myself, but when I stopped questioning myself, the DP stopped immediately as well.

I'm not sure if our type is chronical either...

 

[Strongerthanever]

Very interesting. Thank you for your replies!

Although I hope that we can all get rid of this as soon as possible, it is comforting to know that there are more people with similar experiences.

@dope, I don't recognize the maladaptive daydreaming in myself, I don't know the term but I was more of a child who wanted to be in control and obsessed over small things that in hindsight were not worth obsessing about. I ruminated alot about the future and the past and I was extremely sentimental ( didn't want to throw away old stuff, obsessed about happy memories and how they would never "come back", and so on). Is this something you also experienced?

Also, my parents had a very toxic relationship, they are divorced now however. I don't know how big of an impact that made on me and it's so hard to pinpoint what parts of your childhood were "bad" or "normal" if you know what I mean. Did you have any abusive relationships close to you while growing up?

Also, have you found any moments where your DP/DR has gotten better or worse? I am looking for any advice I can get and I will gladly share my own.

Thank you for your reply, all the power to you. ^_^

 

[dope]

Very interesting. Thank you for your replies!

Although I hope that we can all get rid of this as soon as possible, it is comforting to know that there are more people with similar experiences.

@dope, I don't recognize the maladaptive daydreaming in myself, I don't know the term but I was more of a child who wanted to be in control and obsessed over small things that in hindsight were not worth obsessing about. I ruminated alot about the future and the past and I was extremely sentimental ( didn't want to throw away old stuff, obsessed about happy memories and how they would never "come back", and so on). Is this something you also experienced?

Also, my parents had a very toxic relationship, they are divorced now however. I don't know how big of an impact that made on me and it's so hard to pinpoint what parts of your childhood were "bad" or "normal" if you know what I mean. Did you have any abusive relationships close to you while growing up?

Also, have you found any moments where your DP/DR has gotten better or worse? I am looking for any advice I can get and I will gladly share my own.

Thank you for your reply, all the power to you. ^_^

No problem I strive to help everyone with this condition, and if telling you my experiences about it makes you feel better, I'm very happy to share them

Maladaptive daydreaming is pretty much when you imagine stories, or create your own reality (not like schizophrenia, because you're aware of what's real and what's not) to escape discomfort. Almost as if creating a story without writing it down. It's surprisingly common, most people have it. Some stronger, some weaker. Depends, you know?

Yes! I was, and I am very emotional. I also have a hard time getting rid of old stuff, often becoming mad whenever my mum gives out stuff like my baby clothes, or something like that.
I still am like that to be completely honest with you. A couple weeks back my mum gave my aunt a small table I had for my little cousin. I didn't want to give it, at all, but I choose to be calm about it instead. I'm still mad but I prefer to simply not giving it importance even though that's proving to be hard.

I never had abusive parents, actually quite the contrary. However, when I was younger (maybe 7, or 8 ) I had always thought that relationships were all flowers and rainbows. You see, my parents have distinct personalities, so they'd fight eventually, like in every relationship. I, however, didn't know that was normal and I honestly thought that they were going to separate, and I remember being young and BEGGING my dad not to leave my mum, because I wasn't aware that even for a couple with kids, there were still arguments and that was normal. So it may have scarred me a bit. Now I know it's okay though. They still fight, but like I said arguing is normal for a couple, so I'm ok.

I have a lot of ups and downs. I tend to have more at night though, between being awake and falling asleep since I'm so damn hyper aware, and I tend to dream stuff that don't have any logic AT ALL, so it's pretty much a sea of confusion.
Yesterday my mind tricked me into thinking I didn't know my surroundings when in fact I did. That was a very low point. I'm sure I'll get back up again though. I tend to get back up again when I don't think about it, but avoiding it isn't good either.
Here, this video is VERY helpful in explaining why avoiding DP isn't correct. Seriously, it's very good. (Also check out her other videos, she gives really good advice).

I've also reached a place where I'm not afraid of DP...It's more like this rock in my shoe.
"Seriously? I still have this? Isn't it time to move on now? Ugh." kinda thing. Am I the only one?

All the power to you too

 

[Strongerthanever]

No problem I strive to help everyone with this condition, and if telling you my experiences about it makes you feel better, I'm very happy to share them

Maladaptive daydreaming is pretty much when you imagine stories, or create your own reality (not like schizophrenia, because you're aware of what's real and what's not) to escape discomfort. Almost as if creating a story without writing it down. It's surprisingly common, most people have it. Some stronger, some weaker. Depends, you know?

Yes! I was, and I am very emotional. I also have a hard time getting rid of old stuff, often becoming mad whenever my mum gives out stuff like my baby clothes, or something like that.
I still am like that to be completely honest with you. A couple weeks back my mum gave my aunt a small table I had for my little cousin. I didn't want to give it, at all, but I choose to be calm about it instead. I'm still mad but I prefer to simply not giving it importance even though that's proving to be hard.

I never had abusive parents, actually quite the contrary. However, when I was younger (maybe 7, or 8 ) I had always thought that relationships were all flowers and rainbows. You see, my parents have distinct personalities, so they'd fight eventually, like in every relationship. I, however, didn't know that was normal and I honestly thought that they were going to separate, and I remember being young and BEGGING my dad not to leave my mum, because I wasn't aware that even for a couple with kids, there were still arguments and that was normal. So it may have scarred me a bit. Now I know it's okay though. They still fight, but like I said arguing is normal for a couple, so I'm ok.

I have a lot of ups and downs. I tend to have more at night though, between being awake and falling asleep since I'm so damn hyper aware, and I tend to dream stuff that don't have any logic AT ALL, so it's pretty much a sea of confusion.
Yesterday my mind tricked me into thinking I didn't know my surroundings when in fact I did. That was a very low point. I'm sure I'll get back up again though. I tend to get back up again when I don't think about it, but avoiding it isn't good either.
Here, this video is VERY helpful in explaining why avoiding DP isn't correct. Seriously, it's very good. (Also check out her other videos, she gives really good advice).

I've also reached a place where I'm not afraid of DP...It's more like this rock in my shoe.
"Seriously? I still have this? Isn't it time to move on now? Ugh." kinda thing. Am I the only one?

All the power to you too

Again, thanks for sharing your experiences!

The part that I really recognize a lot is:

" I've also reached a place where I'm not afraid of DP...It's more like this rock in my shoe.

"Seriously? I still have this? Isn't it time to move on now? Ugh." kinda thing. Am I the only one?"

And the thing is, I don't know what steps to take to get rid of the rock. If I knew I would just do it instantly since fear is no longer holding me back.
I guess we will figure out our own ways to get rid of it eventually, Please send me a PM here if you find something that helps you.

The video is very interesting, and her thesis is something I have thought alot about too. I think it's better to label thoughts as stupid and letting them pass than ignoring them.

Good luck to you!

 

[Pieke1990]

Hi guys!

My DP/DR wasn't from drugs... It just hit me in a milisecond and everything changed! I'll tell you my story:

I remember when I was younger, age 6-7, that I was able to 'disconnect' me from the world for a couple of seconds. I remember doing this for 'fun', probably because I did not understand what it was at that time and everything was normal back then.
Anayways.
When I was twelve years old I was running to the kitchen and suddenly, BAM, everything went black in front of my eyes for 2 seconds, I panicked (no pannick attack), and I felt really strange. I thougt the same thing as anyone else: this will be gone tommorow. Off course it didn't. I got these existential questions, i felt really really really strange and I was afraid to tell my parents about it.
So what did I do? After the first couple of months I started to train myself that everytime this thougts came up (they we're there 24/7) to block them. And it worked. I 'cured' myself I thougt...
but then again, 6 years later, I felt strange for 1 milisecond and I snapped back into DP. at that time I got all the symptoms: not recognize myself in the mirror, my hands werent mine, I was living in a bubble,... but I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid to do so.
So I did the same thing as the first time: block these strange thougts and it dissapaered after about 8 months I think!
But it happened again when I was 22. Same story, same period.
Then when I was 24 I fell in love with a very special girl who I loved very much, but DP happened again. I couldn't feel anything, no emotions, nothing... I was afraid to tell her so I did nothing and tried beat these thougts again.
In that period I was quickly very angry about the most stupid thing, actually I would start a fight with my girlfriend just because I was feeling so bad, and in the moment of the fight I did not feel that I was feeling really worse.
So this time after 6-8 months it dissappaered again. But I had made mistakes, and I'm pretty sure that I had allready lost her at that time.
So our relationship ended a year later and geuss what?
DP hit me like hell.
I felt like piece of shit, i felt alone, I started thinking that I was going insane. I really thougt that other people weren't real (this is the most scaring thougt I ever expierenced, truely, it was hell).
So, there I was and I was thinking that the It couldn't get any worse... wrong, it did, my ex girlfriend had a new boyfriend after 3 weeks . Yes, so there I was. I felt like I could die.
So I did what I had to do: i went to a psychologist. I told him everything, he was the first person in the entire world who I told the thougts and feelings I expierenced.... and he was the one who first told me about DP. What the hell? A new world opened up for me. So I started looking for the magical cure. But we all know there is no such thing.
My psychologist told me to see him twice a week. He said that there are solutions for my problems. I saw him twice a week for about 8 months. I cried like a baby over there, if got angry over there,... hell I hated those sessions. Anyway, it didn't help a bit! And it costs about 500€ (!) a month. Way to much, no results so I stopped seeing him.
So at that time i knew what I had, I searched the whole internet, I read these horror stories and I started thinking that DP was a thing for the rest of my entire life.
So I went to see a psychiatrist, he said I was suffering a 'depression with psychotic periods'. He told me to take Airipiprazole and wellbutrin. So i did, for almost 6 months. Geuss what? No results.
So last week I went to another psychiatrist at the hospital.
He is convinced that I'm suffering OCD, because I have obsessive thougts as well. He told me to stop taking my formal pills and to start taking Escilatopram 10 mg. (SSRI)
So Today I took my first pill. I'm curious what will happen this time.
My DP is getting better while time passes, but I'm still a bit depressed. But the DP/DR is still there, I would say for about 50%. And I would really like to be happy without having these strange thougts and feelings.
Also at the hospital they told me to go back into therapy. And I will.
So I hope this time it will help!

 

[Pieke1990]

Hi guys!

I wrote a reply a couple days ago but it didn't show here!

So I'll try again this time. Sorry for my english (I'm dutch)
My DP/DR isn't from drug abuse. I got it when I was twelve.

How it happened?

Well, when I was 6 or 7 years old I could get DP for a couple of seconds: for example, I was driving with my parents and I could start thinking these questions like 'am I really here?' And then I could DP for a couple of seconds. I enjoyed it at that time. I think lots of people have done this.

So when I was twelve years old I was sitting in front of the TV with my brothers and everything was normal, I was a happy kid, without any trauma and my parents we're good to me. So I was sitting in front of the TV and our parents called us to come to dinner. I ran as quickly as I could to the table but suddenly everything went black in front of my eyes for 1-2 seconds. I blacked out ( don't know how you day it in english). Anyway, as my vision came back I felt extremely strange. I thougt that when I go to sleep everything will be back OK in the morning. But these strange feelings didn't go away. I was really afraid to tell anyone so I didn't talk about it, not even to my parents. I got these existentional questions and they drove me crazy. I felt horrible. So after a couple of months living with this I started to train myself to ignore these questions and little by little these questions didn't pop in my mind anymore.

After this first period I really didn't know what I was suffering. I actually thougt that I should never talk about this and that it wouldn't come back .
But when I turned 18 or 19 it came back. Out of nowhere, one millisecond this strange feeling fell on me and again, i was in it. It was horrible, I was afraid to tell anyone but it drive me crazy, I disconnected from myself?". Didn't recognize me anymore, places where I used to came felt strange, people in the world looked fake,... all the symptoms.
So I started fighting this again on my own. And I did it again, I pushed these feelings and thougts away and after about six months I felt better.

Then it came back again, out of nowhere when I was 22.
Same feelings, same thougts, only worse. I couldn't breath normally. I thougt I was going insane. And I was to afraid to tell anyone because I believed that no one would believe me when I told this. So I started to fight again and again, I overwon this.

Then I became 25 and I had a beautiful girlfriend. I had a good job and I was really happy. And out of nowhere it hit me again. I lived in a bubble, I had absolutely no emitions. It drove me insane.
So I went to a psychologist, without telling anyone. She told me I was suffering a depression. So I believed it. I saw her about 6 times but it didn't help a bit. I felt even more detached when I had to go there.
At that time it hit me that It would be unable to live with this as I got older. But I didn't know what it was, or what to do about it.
Even suicide crossed my mind and it scared me like hell.
Not that I had plans to kill myself but it did cross my mind at one point.
After about 6-8 months everything went back to normal but last year she dumped me and I popped in DP mode again.
I had the feeling that other people weren't real anymore. I felt horrible. I couldn't take it any longer so I told my parents about it, after al these years.
I made an appointement with a psychologist and after two sessions he told me about depersonalization and derealisation.
I kind of freeked out when I heard that other people we're suffering the same condition as I did. I really thougt I was going insane at that time.
So I went into therapy for 8 months but that didn't help.
So I went to a psychiatrist in january this year and he subscrided me with airipiprazole and wellbutrin. Also no results.
Last week I had an appointement with another psychiatrist in the hospital and he told me I probably was suffering OCD because when I was younger I had a lot of obsessive thougts and now I have them to.
So he subscrided me with escilatopram 10 mg.
Hopefully this will work!

What are you guys trying?

Greetz!

 

[Pieke1990]

Hi guys!

I wrote a reply a couple days ago but it didn't show here!

So I'll try again this time. Sorry for my english (I'm dutch)

My DP/DR isn't from drug abuse. I got it when I was twelve.

How it happened?

Well, when I was 6 or 7 years old I could get DP for a couple of seconds: for example, I was driving with my parents and I could start thinking these questions like 'am I really here?' And then I could DP for a couple of seconds. I enjoyed it at that time. I think lots of people have done this.

So when I was twelve years old I was sitting in front of the TV with my brothers and everything was normal, I was a happy kid, without any trauma and my parents we're good to me. So I was sitting in front of the TV and our parents called us to come to dinner. I ran as quickly as I could to the table but suddenly everything went black in front of my eyes for 1-2 seconds. I blacked out ( don't know how you day it in english). Anyway, as my vision came back I felt extremely strange. I thougt that when I go to sleep everything will be back OK in the morning. But these strange feelings didn't go away. I was really afraid to tell anyone so I didn't talk about it, not even to my parents. I got these existentional questions and they drove me crazy. I felt horrible. So after a couple of months living with this I started to train myself to ignore these questions and little by little these questions didn't pop in my mind anymore.

After this first period I really didn't know what I was suffering. I actually thougt that I should never talk about this and that it wouldn't come back .

But when I turned 18 or 19 it came back. Out of nowhere, one millisecond this strange feeling fell on me and again, i was in it. It was horrible, I was afraid to tell anyone but it drive me crazy, I disconnected from myself?". Didn't recognize me anymore, places where I used to came felt strange, people in the world looked fake,... all the symptoms.

So I started fighting this again on my own. And I did it again, I pushed these feelings and thougts away and after about six months I felt better.

Then it came back again, out of nowhere when I was 22.

Same feelings, same thougts, only worse. I couldn't breath normally. I thougt I was going insane. And I was to afraid to tell anyone because I believed that no one would believe me when I told this. So I started to fight again and again, I overwon this.

Then I became 25 and I had a beautiful girlfriend. I had a good job and I was really happy. And out of nowhere it hit me again. I lived in a bubble, I had absolutely no emitions. It drove me insane.

So I went to a psychologist, without telling anyone. She told me I was suffering a depression. So I believed it. I saw her about 6 times but it didn't help a bit. I felt even more detached when I had to go there.

At that time it hit me that It would be unable to live with this as I got older. But I didn't know what it was, or what to do about it.

Even suicide crossed my mind and it scared me like hell.

Not that I had plans to kill myself but it did cross my mind at one point.

After about 6-8 months everything went back to normal but last year she dumped me and I popped in DP mode again.

I had the feeling that other people weren't real anymore. I felt horrible. I couldn't take it any longer so I told my parents about it, after al these years.

I made an appointement with a psychologist and after two sessions he told me about depersonalization and derealisation.

I kind of freeked out when I heard that other people we're suffering the same condition as I did. I really thougt I was going insane at that time.

So I went into therapy for 8 months but that didn't help.

So I went to a psychiatrist in january this year and he subscrided me with airipiprazole and wellbutrin. Also no results.

Last week I had an appointement with another psychiatrist in the hospital and he told me I probably was suffering OCD because when I was younger I had a lot of obsessive thougts and now I have them to.

So he subscrided me with escilatopram 10 mg.

Hopefully this will work!

What are you guys trying?

Greets and take care!

 

[HopingCat36]

This stupid Dp/dr was not drugged induced for me neither. Once when I was a teen it did come from weed but this time I got the exact same symptoms as I did before minus the weed. It's so stupid! Also it came has an attack. I guess it's called a dissociative attack. Acording to my psychiatrist. So the dissociative attacks I tried to block for 2 days gave me this HELL