[1A]

Hello everyone,

Just was curious if anyone's DP/DR/anxiety/panic is so chronic and long-lasting (24/7) that they've eventually been "forced" to live on disability.

I have been a coordinator selling "junk" (remember Sanford & Son?) online for the past few years in order to pay all of my bills.

I am running out of options in terms of thinking how I can be a productive person in a working world. I see other people my age (30) around me and they are married, have children, go to amusement parks, etc. and I just would be so grateful to be able to feel "right" so that I, too, could pursue such a rewarding life. I am happy for anyone who is successful -- not jealous. I just wish I wasn't constantly panicking and constantly DP'd so I could resume a pleasant life.

I have tried every medication under the sun, and to no avail. I figgit and stutter in every job interview, while my vision becomes blurry the more I talk, and have even had prospective employers say to me -- right in the middle of an interview -- "What's going on? Are you okay? I've never seen someone so anxious."

I need to find a way to work full time in an office environment with hundreds of people without being afraid of the feelings and sensations of panic and DP/DR. It's not the people or the building that frighten me -- it's the constant, never-ending symptoms, which are most severe in nature.

Family and friends are urging me to look into disability but I don't want to surrender. In my mind, I'm broken, not disabled. For the first time in my life, DP has caused so much stress to the point where I've very seriously considered taking my own life.

But I don't want to end my life. In fact, if I were to end my own life, it would not be due to depression, it would be due to the fact that the DP/DR and panic is so unrelenting that it's pure torture to put up with on a daily basis (going on 11 years straight now). The depression is secondary (a result of DP/DR/panic, etc.)

I have had a few brief glimpses of feeling free of DP/DR and panic over the past 11 years. I can count on two hands how many there have been, though, unfortunately. And when I'm feeling normal I'm always asking myself "what am I doing or thinking right now which is allowing me to feel normal?" I can never come up with an answer.

Sorry for ranting. I just don't want to lose hope that things can get better. I need some sort of strategy. At the same time, just getting out of bed and showering and shaving and forcing myself to stay awake during the day seems a herculian task.

Any suggestions/input would be wonderful. I hope everyone is doing well.

Jeff

 

[Guest]

Are you seeing a councellor about this?

 

[university girl]

Hey 1A. I've been sick for 10 years and finally got on disability this year for my DP/DR symptoms. It's such a relief. I don't see it as surrendering. My plan is to focus entirely on my mental health while on disability so that I can get better. Eventually I will work my way back into the work place. I can work while on disability here in Canada. You can make up to $400 a month.

 

[whiterabbit]

Hallo 1A.

I have been on disability benefits here in the UK for five years. I have had dp symptoms since a child - the dead disconnected kind - its caused chaos on my adult life and meant that I finally had to give up on work. I am improving slowly but I still have bouts, I am in one now, and I am sure that stress or emotional upset is a definite factor in it. Like UniG my priority is to try and get my mind better, although it is taking a very long time and it is a very hard and strange struggle. Just wish the thought loops would stop and leave me alone....one day they will....

Sarah x

 

[ret]

How hard is it to get on disability?

I know of a guy who has full blown schizophrenia, and apparently it was hell getting on disabiltiy, so I think in my case it might be quite hard.

 

[university girl]

Ret,

It wasn't hard for me. I had a good psych who recognized how much I was struggling. She filled it out so all was good. You just need a good doc to help you out.

 

[1A]

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts/comments/recommendations/personal experiences.

It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

This past April I was diagnosed with bi-polar depression as well. The doctor I saw was very young, his first year in practice, and he made the bi-polar diagnosis in about 5 minutes. I'm not sure that his diagnosis is accurate.

I have a lot of downs but not really any manic highs. I have a few friends with bi-polar and they swear they've never seen any bi-polar qualities in me. I tend to agree.

Anyway, as far as disability is concerned (at least in the United States), from my experience, you pretty much have to have a thick stack of paperwork showing that you've been to doctors and hospitals many, many times, over an extended period of time.

And the "quality" of disability depends on whether or not you've paid into the "system," i.e., worked and paid taxes for at least 10 years. I started my first job in college in June 1993 but lost my last "real" job in August 2002. So I'm short of 10 years of paying into the "system" by about 10 months.

I have seen numerous psychologists/psychiatrists/social workers since 1994, when the DP/DR and panic/anxiety started. Unfortunately, to this day, no professional I've seen is adequately familiar with chronic DP/DR (and therefore have no clue how to go about treating the problem).

That's probably the most depressing aspect of my dilemma. It's like I have this "thing," this abnormality, but no professional here really knows what it is. So I end up going from doctor to doctor with little to no benefit. Doctor A doesn't understand what's going on so he or she then refers me to Doctor B who also doesn't know what to say/do and then on to Doctors C, D, E, etc. It's a never-ending, frustrating process, unfortunately.

I think most doctors do, in fact, recognize the fact that DP/DR exists but for their patients it's not a primary symptom. The primary symptoms for their panicked patients are rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, etc. I have those symptoms too, but also the DP/DR is an enormous component.

For me DP/DR is certainly a primary symptom and that's why I would like the focus to be on DP/DR and not continue to go to doctor after doctor and continuously be told "Well, your problem is a chemical imbalance, so take these pills." I don't think I need any pills in order to overcome DP/DR.

I have taken Klonopin for more than 10 years and while it can help with the anxiety/panic it seems to aggrevate/make worse the DP/DR. So I'm stumped as to how to approach getting better.

What has everyone done in order to help alleviate their own symptoms of DP/DR? Anyone particular strategies?

Thanks again for your input. So much appreciated.

Jeff