[shadowness]

the death of a family/friend member whilst in a dp/dr state?

my nan is very sick and may not be around much longer...

this scares me more than anything in the world right now! she is my closest family member and death scares me so very much...but the death of another REALLY scares me much more!

these thoughts make me feel so sick and even more dp'ed and dr'ed...

i am trying not to think of all this but it is so hard not to...

anyone else relate to what i am talking about?

how did the loss of a loved one effect your dp/dr?

i know it sounds selfish but i am scared how my dp/dr might change in such a situation...i am really trying not to think like this but it is so hard!

thank you for reading...

 

[g-funk]

You are not being selfish at all, you are being honest, we all worry about how we will 'feel' when something bad happens.

For you, you have the added worry of having to deal with it when you are vulnerable. Of course you are concerned.

When the time comes, you will not feel as terrible as you think, we all have inner resources that help us through. Quite often people cope better than they think they will. I've also noticed that people on this website seem to cope remarkably well with more 'tangible' worries. I think because it is dealing within the realm of reality as opposed to something existentialist or a neurotic worry, that it is not, in an odd way, as scary or isolating as something that other people don't understand.

 

[terri*]

Dear Shadowness,

I have had to deal with the loss of many persons while dealing with this disorder...one pretty much died in my arms.

As g-funk said, you do find the inner strength. It does not seem like we will be able to live thru it when we think of it, as when I think of my mom and dad passing, but we deal with the immediate, grieve and move on.

I think this kind of goes back to the dealing with loss thread. I simply have the worst time dealing with loss.

I will be thinking of you and your precious nan.

Most sincerely,
terri

 

[jft]

Shadow. I am sorry to hear of your situation. I liked what gfunk said, that in a very real situation such as this we can respond quite normally, for neurosis is not part of what is going on. I have never felt more deeply and been so sad as when my father passed. It was so real that I had no option but to "be there". And this was at a time in my life when my dp/dr symptoms were at their very worst. I will be thinking of you. Take care.
jft

 

[Guest]

hey, I'm sorry for what you're goin' through...I lost my dad almost 4 years ago,though I didn't have DP/DR then, but I was having some problems at the time... It won't be easy but you will adjust....grief is such a huge thing and I know it doesn't feel like it...but you are already acknowledging the fact and I know this sounds stupid, but you will cope better than you will think....there is no wrong or right way to grieve so don't feel u have to feel a certain way....Death has such a nasty stigma of finality and I know nothing will take away the pain or the scary nature of it but I'll be thinking about you xxxx

 

[gem]

I am so sorry you are going through this very difficult and painful time. I understand how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you at this sad time. I am going through this also. My father is dying of cancer, he was given about a month to live a couple of months ago and he is still fighting. Anytime I will hear that he is no longer with us. I cannot describe the pain I am in, my situation is a little different than yours, my dad did not want to see me which is also very painful. I cry into his picture that is all I have left right now to hold onto. This illness has a high price to pay at times, very sad though he could not accept his daughter being ill, instead of support the family chose to walk away. I know I will never see him or my family ever again and it is a terribly painful experience for anyone.

The love you and your family member have is very precious. It is okay to reach out and recieve comfort from others. It is important that you allow yourself time and support. My prayers will be with you at this time. Please never feel alone we are all here to support and help each other. It is also okay to come here and talk about your sadness, at times like this it is very helpful to be around others who understand how you feel.

gem.

 

[shadowness]

i cannot thank you all enough for your kind words...

and thank you for sharing what you are going through too...

you guys have really helped me and i appreciate it so very much!

i know that in the end things will be ok and i will be ok and life will go on...will be painful to start like when my Grandfather died...

but that was before dp and dr and although coping was hard for us all at that time...we all coped well and lived on...

it is just being in this dp/dr state that disturbs me....

today my boss got a shock when a friend of hers died suddenly and was told over the phone...

then i heard her reaction when she was on the phone...my stomach just knotted and my dp and dr went out of control! it scares me how i might be when i hear the entual words of my own family members passing away whilst still feeling dp/dr...

i hate to say this as it sounds so selfish....but i cannot help it...

thank you all again so much for your replies and take care all of you

 

[ret]

yeah, my dad died a year ago. I think I made my DP noticably worse.

 

[shadowness]

yeah, my dad died a year ago. I think I made my DP noticably worse.

so sorry to hear that Recicent

i now that if i am still in a dp/dr state when someone passes away that it will no doubt get worse at first at least...

i am very frightened of this...

but i suppose i just have to wait for the time to come...sometimes i think that is worse...the waiting...

take care.