Brothers I didn't simply got DP/DR by reading the texts. It was a misrephrasing on my behalf. That is complex, I also had C-PTSD all my life and abused by my parents and tried to do very weird shit to escape suffering. So it is also has a traumatic background. However, my final STRONG dissociation from my sense of self, DP DR caused by my intense anxiety and fear against what Meditation can do And what Buddhism aims to do, and what happens along the way. And against all that I tried to force myself to Meditate and progress even though my values contradicted with it, because it represented everything as the Truth, and it promised to full clearing of Past Traumas. But now I recognize I'm not ready for it.
I don't think you guys very clearly know what is the End Goal of Buddhist Path, and what Meditation is really achieving in its final goal. And what you lose, or change as a person.
So to a person with DP/DR, learning what awaits you on that Meditation Path, seems very stupid because the Insights they talk about is already what DP/DR is!
With knowing what it is, and trying to process in the Path because it will purificate your traumas and you will be healed. The mind creates very intense anxiety and defence mechanisms to Meditation.
Meditative Path is a not something like you just Meditate and everything just gets better and better. No, there's very weird changes will happen to a person. And I learned all of these from a very strong Meditation book. And it made me
My DP/DR got activated. Now I'm gonna switch to Stoicism and just use rational straight thinking. I'm not in a position to Purificate my traumas. When you start to Meditate, a deep buried subconscious material arises. These things are very unknown, but I found a very strong book which explains what really happens when the mind gets quitened.
Here's what it says about The Dark Night (Trigger Warning): (from the book The Mind Illuminated, By Culadasa, John Yates)
"ONE OF the great advantages of śamatha is that it makes it easier to confront the Insights into impermanence, emptiness, the pervasive nature of suffering, and the insubstantiality of the Self that produce Awakening.
Without śamatha, these challenging Insights have the potential to send a practitioner spiraling into a "dark night of the soul."1 This Christian term comes originally from the writings of St. John of the Cross, who supposedly spent forty-five years in this dark night. The term beautifully captures the feelings of despair, meaninglessness, non-specific anxiety, frustration, and anger that often accompany such powerful realizations.What is it about these Insights that can catalyze such strong reactions? Essentially, it's that these Insights completely contradict the "operating model" of reality that provides the logical basis for how our sub-minds perform their specific functions. Most of these sub-minds presuppose a world of relatively enduring and self-existent "things"-objects, events, people, and places-that have their own inherent natures, which can be comprehended with some accuracy. They also make the core assumption that a Self exists as one of those enduring things. This Self may be seen as eternal, or as something that will be annihilated at death. Another core assumption of all these models of reality is that happiness and suffering come from the interactions between the Self and this world of things. Gaining certain objects in the world will make "me" happy. Losing things "I" love or having to confront people or places "I" dislike creates my suffering. These three assumptions-that things exist, that I am a separate Self, and that happiness comes from the interaction between the two-are shared throughout this collection of unconscious reality models. They provide the foundation for our whole sense of meaning and purpose in life.
Anything that conflicts with these assumptions can severely undermine a person's sense of meaning and purpose. And the "true" nature of reality, as revealed through Insight experiences, directly conflicts with all these assumptions. Impermanence teaches us that there are no "things," only process. Emptiness means that all our perceptions-everything we've ever experienced as reality-are mere fabrications of the mind. Furthermore, the Self we think we are is as impermanent and empty as everything else. And lastly, the world is not the source of our happiness. Even though we may feel comfortable with these ideas at a conscious, intellectual level, when the deep, unconscious minds recognize them through direct experience, they can be severely disruptive.
It takes time for the unconscious sub-minds to assimilate these powerful Insights and create new reality models. Until then, the turmoil in the unconscious can create the despair and anxiety of a dark night. That these feelings arise from the deep unconscious for no apparent reason only makes things worse, leading some to even question their sanity. Nevertheless, intellectually understanding what's happening can provide some relief. More effective, however, is the joy, tranquility, and equanimity of śamatha. These pleasant states of mind provide an important "lubricating" quality that counteracts all this internal friction. When there's nothing else to cling to, in other words, these qualities of mind provide a palliative.
As Insight matures, individual sub-minds reorganize their internal models to accommodate the new information. A person who successfully undergoes this transformation possesses a completely new worldview. Life takes on a new and deeper meaning and purpose than ever before, and there is a much greater sense of ease, regardless of what may happen externally."
