[Findmywayhome]

I think its the common symptom of unfamiliarity to its greatest degree. It's definitely at its greatest when I'm interacting with my family. It's not just that they feel unfamiliar, its like I've completely forgotten who they are. Every single event that lead them to where they are right now is lost within my mind, there's no continuity. I feel like every person has an inner story of their life that exists within their head. It allows them to maintain a continuous sense of identity and association with their own life. I feel like the pages of my story have been ripped out. I get shivers down my spine when my parents use my name, or they bring up something from the past. Its like, who are these people? Why do they assert to know me? Why do I live with them? How do they know what my life was like in the past?

At its core it feels like I have forgotten the continuity of my existence. I feel like the human experience is this super delicate illusion, and I have shattered the glass walls that I didn't even know were there in the first place, I seem to be outside of it now, I hate to be dramatic, but that's what it feels like.

So, it feels like I have been arbitrarily incarnated into my life, there's no real past. no real future, and no real present. I seem unfamiliar to myself, and my whole life, my story is gone. Does anyone else have this?

Another thing. Lately Ive been able to distract myself really well. This past week I have been playing video games-- sometimes with my friends-- for virtually the whole day. When im not im probably on my laptop or my phone. Theres not a second during my day where I am not staring at a screen. But, it actually helps a shit ton, I can get super immersed and forget about it, but as soon as I look away from my screen for even a second, all the dissociative bullshit comes right back.

So I ask, is this constant distraction with screens gonna be destructive in the long run?

 

[lost235]

Wow I relate a lot, you're not alone with those symptoms. I would say distracting yourself with screens can be good and feel good in the moment. But like anything else it can become destructive in the long run. I wouldn't say get rid of the phone entirely, or stop looking at it for 2-3 hours a day, in my case anyways that's pretty unreasonable. But maybe start easy and try to look up from the screen 5 minutes 2 times a day? Then make it more times or minutes after you feel okay with it. This is just a CBT thing I learnt it's no life saver, but can be good.
But yeah I don't think looking at your phone is bad if it makes you feel better. I mean sure tennis or running or whatever is probably a better habit, but I just try to do whatever will help me, if that's my phone so be it. Any distraction is destructive in the long run if you don't deal with your issues I would say, so as long as you're not totally dependent on the screens I think it's fine. Writing this I'm realising that I in fact am dependent on my phone lol, but at least working towards not being it so much in the end.

But I'm obviously not a pro at working this out, you know at this point that I've gotten very deep into this dissociation lol. It's easier said than done but I hope this symptom of yours goes away! Best of luck